Eating disorder?

[ComfortFoodCafe]

5 years ago, i developed a massive eating disorder after I felt fat one day and it just spiralled out of control.
I went from 10 stone down to 5 stone 6lb, I would refuse to eat anything but a jacket potato once a day with a tiny bit of filling. It was awful, I would regularly end up fainting and it went on for two years I was literally skin & bones, but i thought it was normal until my family sat me down and said they were worried with their help I started to eat again.
Unfortunately due to the way I starved myself anything I did eat after that my body just clung on for dear life probably expecting me to starve myself again.
I still skip meals most days , but Im a lot better.
Im now stuck at 10 stone 10 pounds and whatever I do i cannot loose the weight!
I walk a lot (10k steps if not more a day), I do a lot of gardening, i dont eat snacks. It just will not budge!
im only 5 foot so now ive gone from looking skinny to basically a fat midget (no offence to short people, im just talking about myself) and im devastated. my body is short fat torso and most of my height on my legs so i look bloody awful!

its escalated today, i needed to buy a swimming costume to go swimming next week and just broke down in the changing rooms as everything looked awful and im a size 14! 😭 Never in my life have I been this big!

has anyone else suffered with a extreme eating disorder before, gained weight and then struggled to loose it? i just want to look healthy now i have wobbly rolls! Im so ashamed.

Thing is I have, they just say its because I starved myself my body is clinging to whatever calories I eat incase I do it again but its been 3 years I thought my metabolism would of kicked in by now. Its ridiculous. Its getting to the point where I just think fuck it Ill have to go through starving myself to get down to a healthy weight.

Ive been through a lot of stress the past year. Cared for a family member who passed away unexpectedly and then had a family fall out over it but i didnt stress eat if anything i barely ate over that period of time.
but im happy other than that, i dont work as im a carer but always on my feet till i collaspe in bed at 7/8pm and up again around 5.30/6am but then im up in the night a lot with my youngest whose diabetic. Could lack of sleep or intrupted sleep cause weight gain?
My partner is fine, he does weight training so we dont eat crap meals. Its baffling.
movement wise I average 10k steps a day, up & down the stairs 8-10 times a day, i go up my allotment every day to do digging/weeding. I choose walk most places than drive.
I do the housework daily, lots of moving around scrubbing & hoovering. I drink only water no pop anything like that.

No ive always been a carer for my children.
My eldest has a learning disability & autism, we cant access any childcare outside of school for him neither can we for my type one child.
Also theres a lot of school refusal, and illness so even if i went to work, id have to stay home 1/2 days a week! Its quite complicated. no other family around us and my partner works.
I looked after the family member on top of caring for my kids. I dont have a choice in the matter its not a simple case of fuck it ill go to work.
I do volunteer twice a month with a kids disability chairty though and I do speak to people and have friends Im not a hermit lol.
I did use to work and had a successful business, I had to pack it in when my eldest childs needs came more apparent. Not sure what this has to do with my weight problem though. My mental health has taken a massive hit in the past, i lost 3 children as they were stillborn but im not in a bad mindset like i was back then i do have many hobbies, its just my weight bothering me.

Yes, Ive had a lot of talking therapy with a therapist that I can still access if I need too but my mental health isnt that bad, its improved a lot. Its just my weight now I need to tackle. I dont want to go back down to skin & bones, the idea of that makes me feel sick now i just want to be a healthy weight around 8 stone. I just cant loose it no matter what I try, even tried the dancing workouts on youtube on a morning for a hour for two months and it did nothing.