Thinking about the inevitable

[Snowwhite244]

A few family members have sadly passed away which has got me thinking about the inevitable...I've decided to write a 'How to' manual. Thing like - what bills need paying, my younger son's medication list, my life insurance details, details of my savings account & my work pension details.
Now im also thinking, do I write down any funeral wishes. My eldest son is 19 and he wouldn't have a clue where to start so im just forward thinking about him and thought it would be easier if there's things written down. I am currently fit & healthy (touch wood).
Is this weird? Has anyone else done this?

No, it's sensible. If you really want to be organised take out a funeral plan. They're shockingly expensive. I even own a burial plot.

Do you have a will op?

Sounds very sensible, many of us probably need to do the same

Watching (I need to do this too)

If you haven’t already op, first and foremost - will

then an envelope with will in it, and any relevant details

as for funeral arrangements, personally I’ve said - whatever you fancy and happy to pay from my estate!

I think it’s a reasonable thing to do. But re funeral arrangements, you should not specify rigid things. When organising a funeral, it’s easiest not to be constrained by things or feel like you’re doing it wrong . I’d just put for them to get a basic funeral package with coop (or whoever) and select the options they want from the choices provided - and not to worry about what they think you prefer - just to go with what they feel is best.

I have to disagree with some of this. When my FIl died he left very comprehensive instructions on what he wanted for his funeral (including people to invited and where to hold the wake). It was incredibly useful as it was one less thing to think about in those difficult weeks.

Not so much rigid funeral plans - just some song ideas & cremated/buried.

@Snowwhite244 I have my Mum’s funeral planned and as she now has dementia I’m so glad we did it a while ago.

I also have an outline of my funeral.

My Dad was terminally ill and planned his own funeral. What was so nice was how many people said it was a lovely funeral.

I just think it’s pragmatic and a way to help loved ones when they are grieving.

I also agree about getting your will
and LPAs sorted.

Everyone should do this! It’s the kindest thing to do for those left behind. Well done for making a start OP.

Do you have a will? That’s more important

do you have under 18 children?

We did this after I got sick (although thankfully recovered), it definitely got us thinking we didn’t have knowledge of quite a few things in terms of our personal accounts and wishes. It seems a bit macabre but I try to think of it like house insurance - you don’t take it out because your planning to have a fire or a flood any time soon, you’re just putting in place sensible actions.

Dealing with my late mum's stuff has been a total nightmare. So I'm very focused on making sure that my kids don't have to endure the same problems. So I'm making a file. It already has my will in it and details of all my accounts, utilities and service providers, insurances etc. I'll add things as I think of them.

As I'm knocking on, I'm also going to start a notebook on my thoughts about any care I might need in the future, and things they might need to know about my preferences, and minor physical needs (daft things like I have dry eye, and need eye drops - not something that I've told them about, but if I was unable to communicate, I'd be in pain with after a while and not be able to express what's wrong). Stroke and dementia hit both generations above me, so it's a concern.

Having struggled with the practicalities when Mum was suddenly very ill, DH and i made new Wills, got each other POA and in our filing cabinet at home we have an "In Case We Die" folder for all our pensions/ bank accts/dr/dentist whatever.

I’ve got a fireproof file with all my key documents in, including screenshots of all bank account details, insurance policies, a list of valuables and thwir value, passport, driving license, pension details, our wills, and a list of my wishes for the end of my life and my funeral. It also includes the jewellery we’ve inherited from our mothers, with a note of their value. I did this after my experience when my mum died, and although lots of documents had got muddled in her last couple of years when she had dementia, she had been so methodical and had made it so easy for me when the time came to arrange her funeral.

The one thing that I regret so much during her final week was that I didn’t find a note she left saying that she didn’t want anything invasive to be done to prolong her life if she had a stroke until after she had died, and I allowed the hospital to insert a naso-gastric tube. I’ll never forget her reaction to it, and they re-inserted it five times when she pulled it out before they gave up. As well as not wanting anything like that, I feel passionately that I want to be cremated and my remains buried in our family plot, and I feel that I had to get this in writing because my daughter is a Muslim and her faith doesn’t permit her to arrange for a cremation rather than a burial. I’ve told her so many times that I think it’s the ultimate disrespect to someone who has died not to follow their wishes after their death, but her faith trumps my wishes. It’s my intention during the summer to get a proper funeral plan arranged so that all she has to do is tell the undertaker to implement it rather than arrange it herself. I’ve also got strong views about the music I want to be played at my funeral and any wake. I’m also going to get power of attorney set up because if I outlive my husband, my daughter is my only other close relative and I know from my experience with my Mum thst she would do everything possible to extend my life, regardless of my wishes, so I’m going to appoint my husband and two close friends as my attorneys for health and welfare and my husband and daughter as attorneys for finance.

Wow this is very organized, I can see why youve done this. Well done.

Yeah it’s a good idea. I have a list of accounts, pensions etc alongside my will. Also basic funeral wishes. Having a few things like that is sensible. It is also recommended to write a letter to your DC but I can’t bring myself to do it…

While we’re on the topic email accounts etc are a concern. What do we do about them in this digital age?? I remember reading about someone who found it very difficult to navigate. Leaving passwords and wishes would be sensible?? Ie download all Apple files, delete email account.

I think this is invaluable, and it's a sensible idea to complete it way before there is a pressing need to do so.

https://thedeathbook.co.uk/