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Original poster

Has anyone had vaginismus / painful sex?

30 replies

ncGynaeissues · 24/07/2025 15:01

I have a diagnosis of primary vaginismus - I find penetration really painful (can feel like stabbing pain, and like it won’t fit) but the condition is poorly researched generally. GP was not able to help :(

I’m paying a lot to see a specialist Gynaecologist who has experience treating it and although I’ve made some progress with dilators, I’m genuinely feeling so depressed and devastated that I feel so far from my goal of pain free penetration. I’m willing to throw all the money and time I can but it’s so hard that I have nothing to show for it yet

Has anyone had this condition or similar? I’m genuinely so desperate at trying anything now even if it’s less researched

I feel so broken, I’m late twenties and have been so patient treating it with dilators few years now. I can insert medium sized dilators (smaller than penis) without pain but I’m still so far from my goal of pain free sex. The pain just won’t go away I don’t understand

Could I be misdiagnosed? I’ve heard endometriosis can cause painful penetration but I don’t think I have the other symptoms

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/08/2025 19:47

Sherunswithwolves · 26/08/2025 19:42

I had vaginismus as a young woman. In my case exercise was the thing that led to change - the gym for a period of months, then swimming and cycling as and when. I understood that it isn't actually that the muscles are too strong but that they are not strong at all, and not responsive. I'm sure the exercise built tone and strength. The night I had a breakthrough with the large dilator was the night I had been for a very long swim and then cycled home.

Best wishes to you all. I remember how dreadfully isolating it felt.

I was told l had very strong muscles and this is what was causing it.

They asked if l was sporty ( l wasn’t) l didn’t have any hyper mobility issues.

Sherunswithwolves · 26/08/2025 20:05

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/08/2025 19:47

I was told l had very strong muscles and this is what was causing it.

They asked if l was sporty ( l wasn’t) l didn’t have any hyper mobility issues.

Show quote history

I'd never been sporty at all but the exercise helped in my case, although it was a gradual process. I don't have any hypermobility.

Apologies if I've caused any upset - not my intention at all.

Original poster
ncGynaeissues · 28/08/2025 00:30

Bodun · 26/08/2025 19:16

No I’ve been on mumsnet for decades. I’ve got a couple of other usernames I use more often and then for stuff like this I prefer a ‘burner’ (think I’ve used it by accident a few times more recently though.

I won’t take a picture of the actual thing for obvious reasons, but here is a picture of the bag (closest I could find to today’s newspaper 😂) I’m just a normal, genuine customer.

My vaginismus was one of the worst my gynaecologist had ever seen. At my worst, I could never ever have contemplated even the smallest dilator. A q-tip would have been agony. So I needed something tiny.
Also, I couldn’t cope with the rigidness of the dilators, they felt like they were just hitting a brick wall. This was soft and flexible. So much more comfortable I physically couldn’t keep the dilator in for more than a few seconds, overnight would never have been possible - my pelvic muscles would contract and just push the whole thing straight back out.

Not everything will work for everyone. I bought it probably getting on for 15 years ago and it honestly changed my life. Dilators were by far the biggest waste ever for me, I doubt I’d even be able to use one today. It was the starting point that led to a change in my psychology.

Show quote history

Thanks for sharing your experience anyway and sorry for doubting you. It’s just when you have a condition which is poorly researched you can end up spending a lot of money out of desperation without there being much evidence to support its use.

I do agree, everyone is different.

For me dilators have worked best when combined with pelvic physiotherapy and vibrations (I was stuck at a certain size dilator for years with no improvement until I saw an excellent pelvic physio)

OP posts:
Original poster
ncGynaeissues · 29/08/2025 23:33

using this almost as a diary for progress now incase it gives hope to anyone…

I had been quite lazy with dilating this week, feels bit like another chore and I’d been busy with other things.

I didn’t have high hopes today considering I hadn’t dilated for most of the week (recommended by physio and Gynaecologist to dilate daily if possible).
Anyway I was able to insert my largest dilator without any burning pain, and move it in/out too - it’s 4.24 inch circumference (1.35 inch diameter) and around 6.5 inches length

I never thought I’d get to this stage, it feels like my next hurdle is just finding a patient partner now

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 05/02/2026 18:27

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 24/07/2025 23:11

I was ‘stretched’ under GA.

Problem then went away forever,

I wish I had had this done. it was a major factor in my mental health decline and problems in my marriage

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