Feels like I’m dying

[Zaina89]

So I’ve been so stressed and exhausted for months now. Life was already stressful but then we bought a new property and our kids moved to schools which is a 4 hour journey each day, 2 hours in the morning 2 hours in the afternoon on top of all the stress.

Ive been having physical signs for about a year, dizziness, tiredness etc, this time last year same time I had a blood test and was slightly anaemic, dizziness eased off a bit and in December had another blood test iron levels came up and were borderline normal but they said it was fine and no further treatment.

Ive had a few “ better months” taking vitamins regularly, for a month now I’ve started working out 5 days a week, eating healthier but I’ve been eating less to try and loose weight. On top of all this I’ve got 2 kids in schools at the moment far away until we move to the new house as we still in the old house whilst it’s getting renovated, husband works all the time so I manage absolutely everything alone, including a 21 month old who doesn’t like to be put down and is hard work and is an awful sleeper.

Ive got huge bags under my eyes, feeling dizzy all the time, I suffered with panic attacks back in January but after speaking to a doctor they settled down as I was waking up in the night with severe panic attacks and I felt like it was my body warning me to slow down.

now every time I over do it, I end up waking up in the night with a severe panic attacks, after years of stress this is now how my body seems to react to over doing things and stress.

last week I woke up in the night with the most severe panic attack I’ve ever had, felt like I was dying but I got over it. Swore I’d start calming down my life as I never wanted to experience one like that again,

i did a workout yesterday and was dizzy so had a nap but I felt like I was having warning signs since yesterday,

took my son and youngest to the farm park today for his birthday treat, I was tired in the morning but otherwise ok, I started getting dizzy whilst eating lunch and couldn’t eat anymore and it went into the worst panic attack I’ve ever had, I thought the other one I had the other day it couldn’t get any worse but this was so, so awful. I went and sat outside, I drove there so couldn’t drive back, I thought if I just sit down for a while I’d would ease but it kept getting worse, my mum was with me and my children but she can’t drive, I called dh and told him I wasn’t ok at all and to come and get me and that I couldn’t drive. I then went inside to find my mum and children because I needed to go home but I got so bad I ended up going to the restaurant staff and asking them to help me and I was crying because I was so dizzy and scared I was going to die, I’ve never had a panic attack like this and it just wasn’t easing off and it was an hour at this point. The lovely lady working there got a wheelchair and took me to a quiet place to calm down and I was sat crying to her for another hour, I’ve tried completely cutting out sugar and she forced me to drink a can of coke with full sugar, she said just trust me you will feel better you need something and she told me I wasn’t eating enough on top of all the stress and that I’m making my self ill.

dh eventually arrived and we came home and I’ve been in bed ever since but I’m still lightheaded and so shaky and my heart keeps racing on and off.
i had a doctors appointment for tomorrow that I made after my last panic attack, I tried to get in to see the doctors today but they haven’t bothered calling me back.

im so scared that I’ve pushed myself to far now and my body has had enough, scared of dying and my kids having no one.

how an earth do I recover from this? Can I? I’m just so scared

I felt like this a year ago, in my case it was stress combined with low ferritin caused by heavy periods. (And possibly perimenopause).

Your life also sounds really intense at the moment so you could also be burnt out just from that .

I hope you feel better soon!

Lack of sleep and stress can do that to you. I would speak to the Dr about beta blockers, get Magnesium supplements, ask about melatonin and look at other strategies to help reduce stress.

You sound really frazzled, OP. I would ease back on the dieting and exercise while you are struggling like this. Being in calorie deficit can make you feel anxious and trigger physical symptoms that make you feel awful; some exercise and a healthy diet is helpful but it sounds like you might have pushed it too far. Mentioning dying a few times suggests you might be quite anxious, I was in a similar place when my kids were young and I used to be convinced I was going to die and leave them without a mum. It was really hard, i used to stress over health issues, get anxious and panicky, have a panic attack or palpitations and convince myself I was dying, so I do get it. I would be honest with your GP, that you are really struggling at the moment. I’d get them to rule out anything physical - if you can get a holter monitor you can rule out that the panic attacks are actually SVT or something, just because you are anxious doesn’t mean there isn’t anything going on (SVT doesn’t mean you’re going to die, there are good treatments btw!, but loads of women plough on for years with SVT being told they are just anxious 🙄). Then talk to the GP about your anxiety and fears about leaving your kids without a mum. They’ll have had many patients in the same spot, and they might be able to refer you for anxiety support, or suggest medication. A low dose of beta blockers for example could block the adrenaline cascade for you and put you back in control. You’re going to be ok, but you might need to just slow down a bit and prioritise getting some balance back.

You sound like you're suffering with extreme stress, burnout and anxiety. It's astonishing how things that are 'just' in your head manifest as actual physical, terrifying symptoms.

Tell the Dr everything and go from there.

Also try thinking about the future. It sounds like a lot of the things that are impacting you are temporary? What will your life look like in 2 years? The renovation will be done. You'll be moved into the new house and without such a long school commute. You'll be a healthy weight, as that seems to be a focus for you. You'll have a four year old that sleeps all night, not a nearly-two year old that doesn't.

Try to remember it's all temporary but ask the GP for help options in the meantime.