Health Anxiety

[Gunnerbean]

First of all, apologies if this has been discussed ad nauseum on here before.

I have health anxiety. I'd say it was pretty low grade at the moment and the men in white coats aren't on their way just yet but it's there nonetheless.

Ironically, (touch wood) I am very rarely ill but I am consumed with the fact that if ever I am ill it is bound to be the startings of something far more serious than it actually is. As an example, I've recently had a stye in my eye. I can't take it for what is is - a stye - I have to think it will compromise my sight, or worse still be some form of rare cancerous growth.

I had a slightly hoarse deep cough a while ago and a croaky voice and again, I think it is the beginnings of throat cancer. I'm obsessed with moles and even after doctors have told me that they're ot worth panicking about they worry me half to death.

It has become a joke amongst family friends and coleagues that I'm a hypochondriac (and ironically I haven't had any time of sick for years) and for the most part I laugh along with them at myself. It's really not nice though and I hate feeling like it. It's so irrational, I know it is, and its not like I'm totally clueless about health related matters but I can't seem to get any sense of perspective when I'm feeling ill.

My DH is all for joining BUPA and paying to have the full range of screening tests done whatever the cost just to put my mind at rest but I feel to do this would be pandering to the irrational fear.

If you met me in RL I'm confident that you'd think I was a totally sane and reasonable, switched on person who didn't come across as remotely odd but I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who has irrational (but real to them) health anxieties....

Waiting to hear from others who are similarly afflicted but are at the stage where they can still laugh at themselves about it (but only just...!)

Me! I started off just like you. Then i found a lump in my neck (doc said it was an enlarged lymph node from a sore throat), i still went to panic stations, i then stopped touching my neck, underarms, groin, incase i found another one! It then developed into OCD(compulsive handwashing) and mild panic attacks and a phobia of vomiting bugs.

Fortunately i've started to control it by talking about it, i'm still funny with lumps, but everything else is calming down. I can laugh about it again.

Gunnerbean, if it's any reassurance, I'm just like you. Have had recurrent styes on my eyelids, but the first time it happened, DP found me in tears thinking 'I had some brain disorder (or something equally horrid) that was playing itself out through my eye'. I even went to the doctor with it.

I had an unexplained neck pain the other month and googling led me to the diagnosis that this is often a symptom for women having a heart attach. I literally spent the next 3 days thinking 'this may be the last night I'm here' ( again)

IMO, there's a lot to be said for the internet raising anxiety. I think it's an amazing tool (honestly), but if you're a health worrier, it can be a nightmare.

Can't really help, but just wanted to say I totally understand where you're coming from.

It may be of interest that I've had depression pretty much constantly for 20 years so I think my problems could be tied to that. Could you be depressed?

yes, I'm regularly found checking my armpits for enlarged nodes, I notice every twinge. I would take dh up on his offer, at least you could start with a clean sheet. I'm thinking of doing the same. It can be a symptom of depression, though. Is also very common when you become a parent and have this responsibility to be around to bring up dc.

I'm not depressed as far as I know but I can totally relate to the responsibility for children and having to be here to look after them scenario. I was never like this before DS came along.

I hope my anxieties don't transfer on to him because I absolutely hate it when he's ill too. If he's sick I have to sit up with him all night. It makes me feel physically ill and totally strung out too.

I also wholeheartedly agree that the internet can heighten anxieties. A few moths back I had a scab on my lower leg that got knocked off and bled quite a lot. It seemed to take a long time to heal and when it did, it left a sort of brownish mole behind. After consulting the internet I was convinced it was the start of skin cancer which, the internet had reliably informed me, can most commonly start on the lower leg in middle aged women . I must have spent an hour or so on the interet late that night and wound myself up into a total state. Needless to say its disappareard completely now.

I can't bring myself to go for the scans because (ironically and bizzairely) I;m frightened of what they might show up

I know I'm a lost cause but I can still laugh at myself (just!)

Mine all started after my son was born, strangely during my next pregnancy i was fine, as i could blame all illness on being pregnant.

I knew you'd be scared to go for scans in case they showed something, because I'm exactly, exactly like that! I'd say go for it.

I smoke and worked myself up into a complete panic and begged doctor for chest x-ray. I was sobbing in the radiography room and technician was all calm and rserved, then came out and put her arm round mne, said she wasn't really allowed to tell me anything but the scan looked fine. (Of course, afterwards I googled chest x-rays and found out that x-rays don't show lung problems until they're so far-gone as to be incurable. But before that I enjoyed... ooh, 10 minutes' peace.)

I do have a range of anxieties though. The other day I actually shouted at myself (Fark! Alzheimers?) about it: "Look, are you going to die from cancer, crossing a road or driving on the motorway? Which is it? Choose one and forget about the rest!"

It's like, as long as I'm worrying about it, I'm dealing with it, IYKWIM. And I don't even try to be that healthy, because all you hear is "She never smoked, never drank, quaffed 9 litres of mineral water every 5 minutes and died at 23."

Those Macmillan Nurse adverts don't help, either, tbh.

This is possibly THE most unhelpful thing anyone could possibly post on this thread, but have you ever seen this anxiety-fueller?

Gunnerbean, have you tried hypnotherapy? I had one session a year ago and have been so much better since then. I'd definitely recommend it.

oh beautiful, you're right had forgotten about the adverts. I start panicking (really) when I see any about cancer, there's one on here at the moment saying 1 in 3 will get it at some point in their lives with a circle round a normal looking woman who could be me!

Oh this is so me - am currently in a panic that my heart is racing really fast (down to all this anxiety I can tell you!!!!!) - was at doctors last week regarding a few moles - am now developing phobias of doctors and hospitals etc......tell me more about the hypnotherapy side of things - keen to put this thing to bed!!!!

Ah well, Death Clock cnfidently predicts that I'll live until my mid 80s!!

I live in fear of Alzheimers or having to adapt to life wihtout a part of my body, i.e my sight, hearing, tongue or having to live with a colostomy bag or something (I know that millions out there do it but the thought of it makes me feel terrible).

Being struck down by a stroke and rendered unable to move or speak is also right up there (that's what happeed to my father a couple of years and he died a fortnight later)and having to have others deal with my intimate bodily functions.

Perhaps hypnotherapy would sort it for me...? My mum tells me I should just live and enjoy each day and not worry what might be around the corner, cross each bridge as you come to it etc...

I do for the most part but thigs like this are a blight.

I blame this age where erveryone is so health conscious and there is so much inforamtion about every imaginable illness out there, om the internet and on TV. You can't turn the TV on without seeing a documentary about someone nursing their aged parent with Alzheimers or going through every stage of someones absolutely hellish cancer experience with them from diagnosis to whatever the outcome is. It's all just too much - well it is for me anyway. It just feeds my anxiety no end. And as much as you want to switch off, you're strangely compelled to watch, when it gets too harrowing you do eventually switch off but by then it's too late and the damage is done.

Do you think people felt like this say as recently as, say, 20 years ago? I think not. Everyone is self diagnosing on the internet nowadays and it's not a good thing on so many levels.

Another one here! I think I've "had" every conceivable (usually terminal) illness going - it's a bloody miracle I'm still alive, against the odds...

Let me see, I've had tests for skin cancer (dodgy spot), brain tumours (stress headaches caused by worrying about that brain tumour that they haven't spotted on the MRI scan), throat cancer ("something" was stuck in my throat - probably a bit of toast), strange and amazing pains in my right side which magically moved to my lower abdomen when the ultrasound switched on and then disappeared altogether the moment the ultrasound person said "I can't see anything remotely dodgy here"..... Well, I didn't like the look on his face so I insisted on a whole bunch of X-rays - I kid you not - of all my internal organs - and still NOTHING showed up.... Let me think how many full blood counts I've had - at least 6 or so in the last 10 years as I've had all sorts of other symptoms.... Oh yeh, and the major illness that i was finally diagnosed with - acute hypochondria and anxiety syndrome...interestingly started after the birth of my first child when I couldn't get out of my mind the fact that I just couldn't possibly be ill or die as no-one would be around to look after her. I'm sure you all get the gist....
Anyway - am on a pretty good "ill-free" few months having a had a spot of hynotherapy which was fantastic...Taking each day as it goes but I highly recommend!!

tell me more about the hypnotherapy side of things - keen to explore this - how and where did you find a good hypnotherapist? Do you live anywhere near nottingham/derby way?

Amandella I was hysterical reading your post because it is me me me

Ryder - we live in London and initially I just found someone in the phone book (albeit a registered hypnotherapist). Upon first appearances, he seemed to be a sandle-wearing, tree-hugging, lentil eating 60's throw back with a slightly irritating habit of smiling inanely whenever I opened my mouth to explain that I was dying - and it was unlikely I'd make it through the first session let alone make it to the end of the course. His irritating smile only surpassed by his irritating voice which far from making me relax, made me wish to God I could get away from him. He did, however, inadvertantly cure me from one of my less severe illnesses - that of agrophobia - in fact, so completely and radically cured was I that I virtually ran from his "office" before the session finished shouting "I feel just fine now...thanks so much.....must dash"..

Anyway, finally got a recommendation from a friend of a friend and I saw a brilliant woman who seemed sane and indeed made me feel sane...and after about 4 sessions - the first spent being TOTALLY honest about my hypochondria, and the other 3 being hypnotised to think more positively about things etc etc... well fingers crossed it seems to be working. Not terribly helpful to you as you are in Nottingham area, but I guess that most hypnotherapists come recommended via GP.(I did try this route by the way and although I think my GP was trying to be understanding it was hard to read his expression which was hidden behind the Leaning Tower of Pisa - otherwise known as my medical notes).

For what it's worth, hypnotherapy is definitely worth a shot!

I don't know about hypnotherapy, but cognitive behavioual therapy is extremely effective in helping to deal with your anxious feelings and irrational worries about your health.

Your GP may be able to refer you directly for this or via the local psychiatry service.

Please don't pay up to BUPA or for endless screening tests- it will fuel your anxiety as noone is 100% perfectly 'normal'.

amandella, can I have the name of your woman pls?