What to do when a friend is in emotional trouble, but may not want others to know?

[Earlybird]

I have just found out that a Mum of one of dd's friends went into a residential treatment centre last week for depression. She will be there at least 2 weeks in total, and possibly more.

We are not dear friends, but have spent a fair amount of time together - even had a few weekends away together with the children. We moved away 8 months ago, so I have not seen her since last summer and we have only spoken/emailed a few times since our move.

Our mutual friend said there is a component of her 'being embarrassed' about sinking into this state, and she is worried about 'lots of people knowing'. She is a former professional high flier who is accustomed to juggling a great deal/being under pressure - definitely of the 'stiff upper lip' mentality, but clearly couldn't cope (which I suspect is/was a shock to her).

What can I/should I do to let her know we are thinking of her? Seems terrible to ignore, but don't want to be insensitive or add to her anxiety either.

Btw - we are going back for a visit this summer, and would hope to see her and the children at that time.

Oh, hard one.
I am assuming she is a single parent, you don't mention a partner currently?
I just wondered because something similar happened at school and we were able to at least say to her dh that people were thinking of her, and them all, and that if there was anything anyone could do to help.
We were only acquaintances however, not friends (although we would gladly have helped as she had been very kind to us before her illness).
I think a true friendship makes this even harder to gauge tbh. From what you say of this friend, I think maybe your hesitancy to get in touch and potentially add to her anxiety is guiding you.
Is there any way in which you could approach her clinic and ask them for advice, generically if necessary (ie without naming individuals or asking them to breach residents' confidentiality?)
She's here, isn't she, not where you have been living?

Hi Marina - she is in London, and I am in America. She has a dh, who recently lost his job due to office politics/betrayal by longterm colleagues they both knew and thought they could trust. That incident seems to have hit her hard, and would appear to be what nudged her into this spiral (obviously it could be something else entirely, but she was quite openly deeply upset and struggling to accept what happened).

She is Mum to two children under 10, and her dh is managing things at home for now. But, he is definitely the type who wouldn't know much about how things work at home, as he has always been on a plane to far flung places for as long as I've known them.

I want to be supportive and sympathetic, but fear they will be anxious about how I know. Part of the dilemma is how to approach her/him, and knowing what to say.

Hmm. How about asking the mutual friend who told you if she is willing to be cited, then approaching the dh.
I think they'd have to know how you knew, in case they thought it was work gossip that had somehow reached you.
What rotten bad luck for them both.

Thanks for your thoughts Marina. Think I will send a card to their house, and will say I was speaking to our mutual friend about the people I want to see when we visit London. I asked about this lady (and a few others), and found out about what is going on. I think I can word things so that it comes across that the news was not volunteered in a gossipy way, but came out only when I spoke of making group arrangements.

It's so hard - don't want to ignore, but don't know what if anything I (or anyone else) can do to help.