Please stop me ,i am certain i have Binge eating disorder

[Beauregard]

Regular binges(once or twice a week) usually as a reaction to stressful events.To the point where i feel so ill i consider making myself sick.My tummy hurts and i feel like i have to diet for the next 8 months to make myself feel better.This resolve will only last until the next binge session though.

I am a complete headcase really.
On top of this i have food phobias ,arachnaphobia ,on/off depression and anxiety attacks.

How do I find BigMoFo's thread? (don't want to hijack this one)

cadbury- i also lose weight when pregnant. and i am now heavier than the day before i had dd

i am currently reading adventures of diet girl.....

and i am going for hypnosis next week

PFNM please don't give up. The counselling I had was not CBT, more just talking to someone who listened, giving very little input and allowing me to figure stuff out for myself - I am sure there is a proper term for it. If you are not happy with NHS counselling (which I can understand, my counselling was with our excellent uni service) there are other things available. I recently went to my GP with antenatal depression and because the NHS waiting list for counselling is so long she was able to give me the details of some local counselling services which ofer a vastly reduced rate or just ask you to make a donation- about £10 a session. There are some really good books you should search out too- I liked Good Girls Do Swallow by Racheal Oakes-Ash and Fed Up and Hungry by Marilyn Lawrence- I'd be happy to lend them to you. It seems that you don't really know which move to make first- please don't give up.

Thanks everyone for replying,i do appreciate it.

Well at lunchtime i had a massive urge to shovel food in and was so so hungry but i made myself(and it was difficult)have more food but just healthy stuff.Then i started to panic about reaching the point where i couldnt stop eating and got into a panic about that.I went to work still feeling edgy and then get some work related news which has me terrified and so now i am in another panic and resisting the urge once more.

littlelamb-You are very kind
I do want to read books and i used to love reading but i honestly dont get time to.I cant read during the day because of the dc and housework etc and i dont finish work until 8 and sometimes 10 in the evening so by the time i have eaten my dinner and 'wound'down (by coming on here)it is midnight and then i am falling asleep.Not making excuses but i just cant see a way round that.Maybe i should consider speaking to my GP but i am sick of going(between me and the dc) and i worry about them thinking "oh she is here again"

Right, there is problem number 1: you are eating far too late in the day, and shovelling it in because presumably you are hungry, tired, fed up, etc. If you dont finish work til late can you maybe prepare something earlier so it is waiting when you get back? That way you can make a good sized portion and not be ruled by that feeling when you are tired and know you will binge. I used to do this and it does help. Maybe make a salad, with some chicken, cold pasta, lettuce, as many veggies as you want and just come home and put nice dressing on it? (God that has got my preggo tummy rumbling!) If you need a 'buddy' to help I am more than happy to. It might be an idea to keep a food diary. First, I would say maybe look in your kitchen and see what you've got in there, and make a menu plan for tomorrow, for what you think is reasonable to eat (NOT diet portions, just a normal, healthy amount to eat in a day). This will help you to see what is a normal amount to expect to eat. And then compare it to what you actually eat tomorrow. It will surprise you. You may realise the foods you have a 'problem' with, and start to work out what sends you to those foods and how you can fight the urge to binge.

I have a problem straight away though littlelamb(congrats on your pregnancy btw)in that i have a phobia about meat,fish,eggs and lots of other food depending on the texture etc.This really limits what i can eat and i usually stick the same things,i can list some meals for you that i will eat if you like.

Baked potatoes with cheese(but that is high fat so not often)salad with light salad cream.

Baked potatoes with beans

Weight watchers vegetable pizzaor cheapo cheese and tom pizza or i occasionally make my own toppings and buy the bases.

My 'roast' dinner which consists of 4 or 5 different veg,yorkshire pud,stuffing mix,gravy and cranberry or mint sauce.

Quorn bolognese sauce with penne pasta

Quorn curry with basmati rice

Veg curry with rice

Vegetable soup(must be homemade)

French onion (must be homemade)but wont reheat

Tinned tom soup and lentil soup

Chips

Indian stuff like onion Bhjaji and veg samosa

Veg burgers

Right, forget about things being high fat. A jacket potato with cheese is a good meal. Its worth reading up a bit on nutrition- you do have time to read - you are on MN Things being called high fat is just something used to blind you to good nutrition. Your body needs fat. Far more harmful is the 'low fat' crap that is packed with junk, but that you buy because you think fat is bad. I can sympathise with food phobias- tomatoes make me quake in my tiny boots but there is enough there to make some decent meals. If you make veg with a roast why not with other things? Pasta can be great with loads of veg thrown in. WHat about fruit? Admittedly it is a craving for me, but I am getting through a shedload of apples, which you can carry with you and will satisfy a sweet craving. Obviously your food phobias will limit things, but all of the food you have listed is 'comfort food'. Nice stodgy stuff that will fill you up, but it will make you feel crappy if that is all you are eating. Do you drink enough water? It will make you pee like never before, but when I was drinking at least 2 litres of water a day I felt fantastic- much more energy, less cravings and my skin looked fab too. I have let that slip though- I pee enough without any extra help. From your earlier post though, it is clear that you don't feel you have enough time for yourself. I'm not sure about your background so I don't know what to suggest. I also see from your profile that you have gorgeous dds WHen my bulimia got really really bad my dd was about 15 months old and I was having real issues with food. One of the things that made me see sense was that children do pick up on these things and I do not want my dd to have issues with food (there's a lot of wierdness with food in my family, my aunt is severely anorexic, and my little brother had some issues a while back ) When I was growing up I was always too aware of food, and I started bingeing from a very early age. I do not want my dd to have these problems, so I make a conscious effort to make mealtimes and food a normal thing, and that includes snacks too - there is no point in making something out to be 'bad'- of course you can have chocolate, its just probably best not to have the whole family sized bar, etc. What are your childcare arrangements? Are you working out of the home til 8-10 at night? What do you eat at work?

Water-No but i know i should but always forget

Fruit-Apples but dd's usually get there before me lol.

Im not sure what other meals i could eat that arent comfort food?

I see what you mean about the cheese thing but a lot of vegetarian food includes cheese and too much sat fat is bad.I am quite ignorant with regard to nutrician though i suppose.

I know i need to set a good example for my girls especially as i have family history of ED's,my sister committed suicide after years of ED's.

Thanks for your support

lol regarding having time to read ,seriously coming on mumsnet is like prozac for me so i have to.I start work anytime from 2 or 4 until 8 or 10 depending on which job i am doing as i have 2 jobs.When im at my regular job i dont eat as only there 4 hours at a time.When i go to other job i have lunch at 12.30 then go until 10 when i come home and eat then.They do offer me a meal but it is never anything i can eat and if i take my own i get phobic about the hygeine.