OK - no more denial - I have problems with alcohol

[FacingUpToThis]

Typing here really ashamed today - staggered home last night with 2 of the neighbours having to bring my children home after a late afternoon tea with lots of children and adults turned into a session. Had a rip roaring row with another neighbour (don't feel quite so bad about that bit as she has been bullying me for months, but worried that I can't remember most of what I said)and came in and fell over the sofa and nearly broke my nose. Can't remember big bits of the evening. My DH is being great about it and has agreed to help me, but I am so ashamed of myself for letting myself drift down this slippery slope. I have had a problem before about 8 years ago, but in the last year have gone from happy near tea totallism to this. Any support out there would be humbly received

Dh said today he will cut out with me, but he's never had a problem with stopping after 1, whereas I love feeling that fuzzy second glass feeling - but find it hard to stop after that. I don't know my real father at all, and wonder if he might have been a big drinker, as my mother isn't. DH suggested that we share one bottle of wine on a saturday night and leave it at that and he will help me. Do you all think that is an achievable goal? I would like to be able to have an odd glass and then stop. I am feeling so much better -this morning I was so ashamed I wanted to run away from everything.

Littlebella, I'm agreeing with you on this (though I also agree that for many people a 'normal' attitude towards alcohol is not to drink it depending on culture etc): one of my problems with the 12-step-type programmes is they are so all-or-nothing when I think that for some people, cutting down on their drinking but still having a single glass of champagne for a birthday or pint of lager on a sunny day is preferable to feeling that one sniff of a cork will immediately set you off on a terrible binge (not being dismissive of alcoholics here, just pointing out that not everyone who wants to slow down or cut down is actually an alcholic).

it's up to you
some people do cut right down and just drink occasionally
some people find it easier to give up altogether
personally having a set amount of alcohol and stopping, because those are the rules, is not enjoyable or in the long term, achievable for me, but everyone is different

I would really advise either now or in the future that you get some professional help with looking at the reasons why you drink too much though
this is the second time in your life that it has become a problem and it would be good to develop some other coping skills for when things get a bit tough - or find out ways to indulge your need for oblivion / jollity / confidence / whatever it is you are looking for in the bottle

The blood pressure one works because it's for real! My dad had to go teetotal because his hypertension just got too hard to manage when he drank anything in combination with all the drugs he has to take (he also has heart disease).

Similarly, my FIL is now teetotal due to insulin-dependent diabetes. He used to be able to take a dram or two of whisky now and again, but now it just affects his blood sugar too much.

Yes: when I used it as an excuse it was partly because I have some blood pressure problems and have had spells of cutting down to try and lower it before.

I have to watch it myself because of that, too, madamez, especially as my preferred bev is wine which for some reason really jacks up your blood pressure if you drink too much of it for a spell.

I think your goal sounds achievable.

I too would hate to have to do the "2 glasses and that's it because that's the rules" thing - I don't think I could do that long term either. But what I have found is that, over the years, my body has adjusted and doesn't want more than 2 glasses in any one sitting. I would never have believed that possible 10 years ago. I think for the first few weeks, you might find stopping at half a bottle difficult, but you need to come up with strategies for managing that - cake, pudding, ice-cream, chocolate, hot drink, moving onto other flavours, textures etc. so the wine course is finished - sex is also good for this! But once you've got into the habit, you'll find it gets easier and easier (hopefully).

The other thing is sport/ activity. If you go out in the garden and play swingball/ football with the kids/ go to the park/ gym, you won't miss alcohol during the week. You may also get to the stage where it's Saturday night and you don't feel you're particularly missing out if you're not drinking alcohol.

I feel great this morning - no hangover! Please could someone link me to the support thread? I can't find it.

Now try and get addicted to that feeling and it will be achievable for sure.Lovely of your dp to join you i think it sounds a good goal and not too drastic or sudden well done x

Here's the support thread

And well done for last night! After five years 'dry' I still enjoy that no-hangover feeling in the morning

morning Facing here is the support thread

if you have become physically dependent you may find you have some unpleasant symptoms today or tomorrow

alcohol withdrawal

please be careful about stopping cold turkey and phone NHS direct if you get any of these symptoms

there are some other useful links on that page if you want some more information
so glad you feel well and positive today!

Great posts on this - I have to admit to loving my nightly glass of vino, and this time I really missed giving it up (pregnancy again). I found it easiest in the earliest stages (when you want to be secretive) just to say I was on a health kick, numbers of calories in a small glass of white, etc. - and found people really rude who speculated further! Though it tended to shut most people up, thank goodness.

I went for 3 years without a drink due to successive pregnancies and breastfeeding, and then the glasses definitely started getting a bit bigger when I started drinking again! So its easy for the intake to creep up. I definitely agree with cutting down rather than cold turkey. I'm having Stella low-alcohol at the mo, just one every couple of nights - hardly any alcohol in it but it makes it more pleasant than the ones with no alcohol.

By the way, did you know AA also provides support for family members? A good friend of mine has a husband who is an alcoholic and has been for many many years - he has never been to AA but she has had huge support from them. For your dh?

Again I wish you all the best and am really pleased you did so well last night. xx

thanks so much - I will go over to the support thread now. I am quite tired now and keep telling myself that a bath and bed will do me better than wine. I am grateful Franny for the alcohol withdrawal advice - I am OK so far, just a bit of a headache today and feeling tired, but nothing else. I shall research any foods I can eat to speed up recovery - I am quite worried about what I have been putting my liver through.

hope you have a good night's sleep - take care of yourself

i have been recovering from yet a nother binge yesterday and friday. i have tried AA and am reluctantly going back again tommorrow. i just struggle with the god stuff and the intensity of the people! i have to stop though and none of the other programmes have meetings near me. If anyone lives in the kent esat sussex area and suffers as I do. well hey get in touch, I need supportive people going through what i go through. I hate this