DD's birthday party on Saturday - phone call from SIL.

[Pinkjenny]

Dd is one on Saturday and we are having a party for her. SIL called last night and said, 'Just wanted to let you know that chickenpox is going around nursery and school, would you prefer it if we didn't come on Saturday?'. My niece and nephew are 2 and 4. I know that dd needs to get CP at some time, but I also have to think of the other kids and babies at her party.

What do I do!! I know the symptoms don't appear for a few days.

I would prefer not to use the party as a handy opportunity to incubate CP tbh

how do you know one of your other guests hasn't been exposed to chicken pox somewhere else

If they haven't come down with it I'd tell them to come tbh but if you feel strongly about it tell your other guests

you can't live your life excluding children who might or might not eventually come down with an illness

if they are sick they don't come

if they are healthy they come

She has just sent me a message saying she doesn't think her two have been 'exposed at the right time' to get it. WTF?

I know that twig - but maybe one is a bit little for it!

You can incubate chicken pox for up to three weeks after being exposed. We had a one period where DS spent a whole year having been exposed to chicken pox (it was going round at nursery, but they never had lots of children off with it at once... one would get it, then a few weeks later another one, and so forth). We warned anyone with small babies about it, and delayed his MMR as I didn't want him to have that and then go down with chicken pox immediately afterwards, but he couldn't stay in all year on the basis that he might be incubating chicken pox (he never developed it in spite of all that exposure, by the way).

Oh dear PJ. Don't know what to say. As you know C is probably incubating CP at the moment and is at childminders, DD2 hasn't had it yet and we are still waiting with baited breath! CM's daughter has it at the mo.

IMO if they are healthy they should come. After having read up on it you are apparently only infectious one day before the spots appear and for 5-6 days after.

Not sure what to do about the MMR though, he hasn't been called for it yet or his hib booster. He has been a bit poorly all week with blisters in his mouth but nothing else so don't think its CP yet - that will probably be next week.

Can vouch for portandLemon re incubation period - dd got it at age 3 and I - age 33 - having never had it as a child, came out in spots a month later. Agony as an adult, so yes, better to have as a child just not sure having children potentially exposed to it at a party feels right IYSWIM.

Yes binkle - that's the problem. I feel that it would be irresponsible to tell her its fine to bring them and have all my friend's kids potentially exposed.

Oh, and my dd, of course. She is a PFB, after all.

Quite right too

Sky, someone I know had it with just blisters in her mouth (and vagina ) so could be CP?

Pinkjenny -- you are infectious for a couple of days before the spots appear. So she may mean that while her DCs' friends have gone down with it, her DCs hadn't seen them for a few days beforehand so probably weren't exposed to contagious chicken pox.

For example, I was pleased when DS's best friend at the time developed spots on Monday morning, because he'd not seen her since Friday and would probably have missed being exposed to the infectious stage.

But they may not even get it and will have missed their cousin's first birthday party and at 2 and 4 will not understand.

PJ, I think this is probably a case of doing what feels right for you. There is no clear right/wrong IMO, but you hvae every right to feel comfortable at your dd's party, so I would try and listen to yourself on this one

Thats what we thought Elibean - hopefully it is CP as he hasn't suffered too badly so far, just a couple of tetchy days.

BTW, CP has been round dd's pre-school several times, and she's not yet caught it - so unless they were directly exposed, I don't think they're any more a risk than any other child coming. This is CP season, so it IS everywhere - to a point.

Ooh, I don't know what to do! Dd has a virus at the moment and I don't really want her exposed to anything else!

I think I'm going to ask her not to bring them.

PJ - I do agree with Elibean though - go with what feels right for you and L

I forgot she already had a virus - definitely not then. They can come another time.

So (and I don't mean this in a bad way) you are happy to expose all your friends' kids to your DD who definitely has a virus, but not to her cousins who probably don't^?

She has already seen all the other children that are coming at nursery anyway.

DS was exposed to CP countless times ... he finally got it at 4 .. DD caught it from him (she was about 10 months)

I reiterate that stopping children coming because they might have been exposed is madness .. or at least that way madness lies

Well I haven't said a word to her yet so I'll have a think about all that you have said and make a decision from there.

Thanks for all your advice though.

Tell the other parents of children coming just what you've said here. that there are children coming who might have been exposed. Its not a big deal to get it unless the children are imuno-suppressed and if not younger is better than older.

If your dd is known to have a virus, I'd think that a far bigger deal than the thought that some other child might have a virus. My dc's were exposed to chickenpox at least 10 times before they finally got it. Dd was 10 before she finally caught it off someone.

On the other hand, some of the children who have been in contact with your dd might not have caught the virus of her at first exposure- but might well do so at second exposure. I think if your she has not recovered by Friday, you need to ring round all the other Mums and ask if they're still happy to come.