Dad has cancer of the bladder, after his OP, they have found 3 more sites regenerated. Should I get over to him fast?

[SSSandy2]

Live overseas adn mum died of cancer 2 years ago so dad is alone really. I was planning to go and visit him in September. He's jsut written that they have found more cancer regenerated in his bladder. He is going in for an OP on Monday.

Should I go over ASAP? Doctor has told him it should be ok but don't know what to think. Mum's (breast) cancer spread so fast and she died before I got there to say good-bye.

sandy so is there any way you could speak to doc?
Ifyou can go i would anyway to support your dad if he on his own,

I would need to ask dad to give me the doctor's number. Yes, I could do that. Thanks lily.

Yes, I think I probably do have to try and get over there. Having seen how awful it was for Mum, he must be scared. So bl* hate cancer.

bladder tumours usually don't spread outside the bladder, and usually can be treated by cautery.

Do you know what the op is? Mostly they just look into the bladder with a telescope and "fry" the lesions. This can be repeated as many times as necessary.

You're obviously very worried, how much of a disruption would it be to get over to him? Could you talk to his surgeon over the phone? (with his permission of course)

I don't tissy. He just sent a really short email. The fact it was so short also makes me very worried. I'll call him and ask more.

What you've said there is quite reassuring, thanks.

Agree Sandy i lost my mum to it and for my dad to get it would be a nightmare ((hugs))
If it's at all possible go anyway you will feel much better if you have seen him i'm sure.

Oh SSSandy, really really sorry to hear that and you've been planning to go for so long now. It's such a long way - have you checked for flights?

I'm a bit numb with shock at it admylin. But the thought of him battling along alone after all he did for mum is just too horrific. My sister is reasonably close I suppose but you know she has MS, so she has enough on her plate. My brother and I live very far away.

ssssandy2 am so sorry about your news, he has probably sent you a short email so as not to worry you

my mum won't tell us anything but will happily yap on to distant relatives about her sodding cancers (none of which have been bladder cancer so have no practical advice sorry)

if it is possible then go, for your sake as much as his, what happened with your mum has obviously had a lasting effect on you, he'll probably be relieved to see you too even if just for the practical side

wishing your dad all the very best of health

sorry to hear about your mum lily

thanks for that dizzy, sorry to hear your mum has cancer too. It's very hard on cancer patients and it's hard to watch them going through thsoe treatments too. My mum never wanted us to see how she was with it - wait until I'm better, don't come now, she'd always say. Maybe your mum is like that, wanting to spare you a bit. Cancer seemsto develop so differently in different people, hope your mum's cancer can be controlled and contained . Good luck to her.

Yes, go. You must go to see him and give him a hug and tell him you love him.
Whatever the long term outcome, he will appreciate it, and wont feel alone.

Was just going to say Sandy you can't always believe how 'serious' it is from the patients mouth.
Where is your dad ?

I would like to think so but we're now on her 6th cancer in 5yrs (don't ask, geneticist now involved) and her behaviour gets stranger and more annoying by the minute - she's always been a head in the sand kind of person - thank you for your kind thoughts though

now, am sorry but I don't know, exactly how far away from your dad are you?

My dp moved to New Zealand on retirement to be near my sister who has MS and so they wanted to be on hand for her and her dc, as her illness developped. Anyway then sister moved to Australia, mum got cancer and died and now dad is there alone.

We live in Germany. I was wondering about dad coming to live with us but he said he wouldn't like to and he doesn't speak German or anything so it wouldn't be practical really. Dh is stuck here though with his job. My brother is in the UK

would he move to near sister again, or is that not practical, or even back to the UK?

my auntie died yesterday, from bone cancer which was secondary to her bladder cancer, which I think she was diagnosed with about 2 years ago (I only found out about the cancer this week)

the medical team should be able to advise you about how serious it is

I think he'd feel more at home back in the UK than in Australia dizzy. Also wondering if my sister is really up to helping him much, her MS is developping faster than she'd hoped. Don't like to see her under additional stress IYSWIM. Maybe if I could arrange help for him, he might be ok there though, near her but not with her actually needing to take charge of things. Don't think I'm expressing it well.

We will need to find some kind of solution though, he cannot just live in a house by himself in New Zealand and go through this cancer business alone.

I think you are all right, I will try to get over there quickly and see how he is and what he would like us to do.

bundle am so sorry about your aunt
cancer is such a terrible thing

SSSandy2 its a big move either way, at least if he was home in UK he could be near your brother and nearer to you?

sorry to hear about your aunt bundle. There seems to be so much cancer about, doesn't there? My mother's cancer was breast cancer which spread to her spine and then the bone cancer spread from there to brain and lungs. Although she went for regular checks and everything seemed fine for years, the breast cancer must have spread and remained undetected for some time.

Dad was very frustrated with the medical care mum received but I think they did what they could with the knowledge we currently have about cancers and how they spread. I think it's a difficult field for doctors to work in

I think that the level of care depends hugely on the oncologist, the bowel specialist we had was fantastic and the one for her breast cancer too but this last lot have been terrible

he'll also be a bit anxious having seen your mum going through it

am sure he will be delighted to see you regardless

will you tell him you're going or just turn up?

I'll tell him I'm coming dizzy, might give him a bit of peace of mind.

Thanks so much for listening girls, I think I have to make a few phone calls now.

all the best to you and your dad SSSandy2 I hope he gets the best help and care possible

safe journey

Hope it's a good outcome Sandy

Hope you manage to get through to the doctor - it's morning in NZ now isn't it? Have you spoken to your brother? Hope you work something out - it's a hard decision isn't it. Keep in touch.