Why the hell can't I sleep????

[PeppermintPatty]

Since DD was 5 months old I've been suffering with insomnia. I usually get to sleep ok, but wake up in the night and can't get back to sleep

It's REALLY annoying cos just as DD started to sleep through, I started been sleeping badly.

Now I'm back a work part-time, I'm exhausted and finding it hard to cope. I've been up since 3am today and shattered already. I'm finding it hard to get anything done as I have no energy.

I don't feel depressed, I probably am anxious but I think this is due to being absolutely shattered more than anything else. When I do get a good nights sleep I feel so much better.

I went to the doctor about this a few months ago but she said she couldn't really do much.
I can't take sleeping tabs etc as still breastfeeding.
Only thing she could offer was conselling but I don't think this would help (I've had conselling in the past and it wasn't helpful then either).

I thought breasfeeding was supposed to release hormones to help you sleep?!! Its certainly not the case for me

Please has anyone got any ideas what I can do? Or has anyone got any experience of this?

counseling even [tired brain]

You are overtired and anxious. I would definitely recommend a course of massage or yoga.

Can you do your relaxation/breathing exercises that you learned before having your baby?

It is very common to be so tired that you cannot sleep - both in mums and toddlers!

What is your bedtime routine? Do you try all the usual stuff?

Warm bath
Pamper yourself a little
Tasty warm supper, toast and jam with hot chocolate maybe?
Watch telly in bed in the dark or read for a while

Sounds like you are holding in all the tension and can't switch off again. You might not necessarily be depressed, just that you need to have time, for you, to unwind and relax

I am v overtired!

I have no money for massage or yoga courses. Am skint now that I only work part-time and pay childcare!

I do try to do relaxation /breathing exercises. Sometimes they work but often not.

The only thing that helped was once when I went to my mums for a few weeks and she helped me with DD so I could sleep in the day if I got tired. I caught up on my sleep and started sleeping at night better too. Was ok for a month or so, but then it got bad again. But that was when I was on Mat leave. I can't do that now

I think you have just hit the nail on the head. Maybe it was less to do with day sleeping and more to do with your mum sharing the responsibility which made you feel less worried and anxious and therefore able to sleep.

Could it be that you need to share the responsibility more? Whats your DP/DH like?

I go to bed at same time every night 10pm. I read for a bit and then go to sleep.
I usually wake up sometime in the night and can't go back to sleep so I read or get up and have a bath / go downstairs and put the radio on.
I often feed DD at 7am when she gets up and go back to sleep for a bit, but then have to get up shortly after that as DP goes to work.

DP is brill. He works full time but looks after DD in morning if I go back to sleep, until he goes to work.
He picks up DD from nursery at 4.30pm when he finishes work and looks after her till I get home from work (about 6.30pm).
I look after DD on my own in morning and put her to bed.
So is fairly equal.
I don't get chance to sleep in day now due to looking after DD and work!

I occasionally suffer from insomnia, waking either at 3 am or 5 am. Usually it's because I'm particularly anxious about something or things that have to get done. A good tip is to write yourself a list of everything that you have to do, and then allocate days/times in your diary when they're going to get done, before you go to bed. Then your brain can relax, knowing that you're on top of things. I think sometimes - especially when you're a relatively new mum - there is so much to juggle that it can seem overwhelming.

Keep a pad by your bed as well, as often you may wake because you've forgotten something - just write it down so you don't.

Have you tried a warm bath, with lavender oil?

You sound exactly like me peppermint patty. I developed insomnia when dd was 4.5m and ironically started sleeping through. I was an anxious, fretful, overtired, overwrought mess. And the only time I "slept through" for a year was when i went to my Mums for the night in January without dd and slpet from 11pm tp 10am the next morn!

It's the 24/7 responsibility and inablity to switch off which causes this I think and those hours from 3am til daylight are HORRIBLE so I can fully empathise.

All I can say is it does eventually get better even though you feel like you're going mad! I found that not drinking wine helped (although made for some very boring evenings!) and yoga. However a word of caution with yoga, it's not always relaxing. Any backbending is very energsing and can leave you wired and buzzing for a long time afterwards. If you do backbends make sure you counteract them with plenty of forward bending afterwards!

Bug hugs I hope this resovles itself soon.

BecauseImWorthIT - I definitely feel like I can't switch off.
I do have so much to do. I look after DD, work part-time, do all the housework/money/bills, we're trying to sort our house out (lots of problems - its an old house) and me and DP getting married in 2 months so wedding to organsie.

I feel responsible for everything.

DP is lovely and helpful with DD but doesn't take responsibility for anything - its left to me to sort things out constantly.

Its not totally his fault as he v disorganised person and also v laid back so he doesn't even care if the house is falling down / wedding not booked etc.

The fact that I'm sooo tired makes all this worse as I have no energy to get things done. And I'm so skatty I keep forgetting to do important things.

Thanks peacelily - I'm glad someone else knows what I'm going through!

I feel so silly cos I know that you're supposed to be tired as a new mum -but thats cos of your baby keeping you up not insomnia!

I feel like none of my frends or family understand. If I complain I'm tired they say "but DD sleeps through, whats your problem!"

people do look at you as of you're barmy, ie new parents are supposed to be tired but it's infuriating if your dc sleeps briliantly and you're lying awake worrying about not getting back to sleep which it turn just makes it worse!!

In that case, the writing down/time planning bit could really be worth a try.

Oh, and a bit of a stern conversation with your DP and helping out a bit more. If he doesn't see things, give him some tasks to do, with a timeline for doing them!

Just checking back.....

You definitely have a lot going on and I think that is giving you the sleepless nights.

By having a few hours sleep and then waking its hard to fall back asleep because, technically, you are refreshed. Also, going back to sleep in the day/7am is breaking a good sleep routine. You are only compounding the bad sleep cycle by teaching your body to cat nap.

If you want to really sort it, I reckon you need to:

1. Do as BecauseI'mWorthIt says and write down some of your things to do and worries. See them on paper and start a plan of how you are going to handle them

1. Never let yourself sleep during they day or after, say, 7am

1. Develop a sleep habit and stick to it. Teach your body.

My gran reads in the night because she can't sleep. She also naps in the afternoon, in her armchair, after she's had lunch. She says she has to catch up on her missed sleep. I have tried to explain that she has to break the cycle and 'save' all her sleep for the one sitting.

It might not stop the through the night wake times straight away but I feel sure if you can be rigid about your sleep times (like we do with children) and feel less stressed it will help loads. HTH xxxxxx.

Thanks so much for your advice everyone.

Frumpygrumpy - I'm going to print out this page and make sure I follow your rules.

BecauseImWorthIt - I've now got a notebook just for writing things down. I've written a mahoosive to-do list already, eek. I'm going write in my diary when I'm going to do each job and DP says he'll help if I write him a list too.

Also gonna try and relax a bit more / not get stressed.

Fingers crossed this will help me sleep through eventually

I had dreadful insmonia after having dd and am not a great sleeper at the best of times. I find white noise helps, I get up and go and lie on the sofa with the TV on and it stops my mind whirring as much. I think in retrospect there was an element of PND involved.

Good for you!!

And the lists.......make sure you have a realistic A, B and C list.

A is for today, and be realistic or you will feel down if its you can't achieve it

B is for important stuff that can wait a little

C is what you'd like to achieve in the near future

C stuff can move up to B, if its still imporant and B becomes available. Likewise B can move to A when it becomes really urgent and a space is free.

Good luck. Sleep long and peaceful and sweet dreams xxxxxx.

p.s. let us know........

And sometimes the C list never gets ticked and never moves up. Then you chuck it out!!!

Brilliant, PP!

I assume you're also making sure that you don't have any caffeine in the afternoon/evening? (and remember tea, diet Coke, chocolate, all have caffeine)

Oh, and you could always try sex

do a kids bedtime routine - Bath /quiet book and bed....

DOn't do too much in the hour before bed (certainly no heavy documentaries, grim soaps or action films)

Try hypnotherepy - I did it for another reason and it works - get something like this www.justbewell.com/acatalog/Stop_Insomnia.html on an MP3 player and listen to relax before sleep.

Get some tricks to get you back to sleep at 3am (hypno CD/mp3, milky drink, bath then back to bed etc...)

Lastly I found if you have stuff swirling round in you head at 3am - write it down to deal with in the morning..... it can help empty your mind as the worries are now on paper.

I have suffered with insomnia in the past. Doctor's advice was not to eat, read, work, listen to music, watch tv or use the computer in your bedroom. he also said to remove tv, computer, cd player from the bedroom cos they are sleep distractions. he also said having a pet sleep in your bedroom can stop you from sleeping. oh and to abandon an illuminated or ticking clock with a normal one. i have a cd of rainfall, waves and nature sounds which i find helps me sleep and i also find audio books help me sleep whereas reading before bed keeps me awake.

he said to try a 15-20 minute warm bath, a warm caffeine free milky drink or herbal tea like chamomile and to keep the room at about 16 degrees C with a window open to let some fresh air in. he also said to sleep on a firm bed and on your back but i do that anyway.

he said regualr execise during the day can help you sleep but it needs to be at least 3 hours before bedtime. he also said to avoid caffeine, alcohol and nicotine which is probably an obvious one and also to avoid drinking too much liquid before bed.

oh and one last thing was to get up if i was unable to fall asleep within 15 minutes i should get up and do something else in another room til i felt sleepy again.

oh and black out blinds were a life saver here.