Sitting here bawling my eyes out

[candycane]

Sorry to moan. Just got back from the doctors; voice still not working properly, still no sign of appointment from hospital. He's signed me off work for another 8 weeks. I want to go back to work. I'm scared that the kids will fail SATs and GCSE exams if they have supply teachers for this length of time. I'm worried about my career. I'm scared that the longer I stay at home, the more likely I am to get depression on top of whatever's causing the voice problem. I feel so frustrated and the doctor just rushed me in and out and becuase my voice is even worse if I'm stressed, I just let him. And now I feel as if I've become a shrunken little mouse who's too scared to voice her feelings. And I hate myself for it. Don't know what to do.

What has anyone said is actually wrong babes.
So sorry you're feeling like this.

You've had a name change haven't you hon...otherwise seem to recall another teaching Mumsnetter with vocal difficulties.
Go back to the GP and insist on a hospital chase-up. Is the referral to ENT, or psych - maybe you need both?
I wish I could think of something else helpful to say. Sending you hugs anyway.

Oh dear.
From the little you have said here, you sound like you have a psychogenic voice disorder (no doubt exacerbated by some sort of organic ie physical condition.

I think you need to see a salt who specialises in voice disorders asap.Have you asked the GP to refer you? You need to see a specialist in this particular field (its not mine unfortunately) Are you in London? I did my voice training under a salt called Clare Morris who was fantastic. She also used hypnosis to treat these problems. We had some fascinating case histories (eg a woman who lost her voice after a very bitter divorce. Amongst other treatment methods she was taught under hypnosis to visualise him as a huge weed growing in a beautiful garden and to uproot him.)

It would be worth phoning the department at City University (where Clare was/is based) and asking for assistance.

Also, cotact the Royal College of Speech and Lang. Therapists, who should be able to put you in the right direction.

If there is a waiting list, it may be worth going private. The SALT website has a link to one for independent therapists. Look through their specialisms/interests and find someone who specialises in voice disorders. (Make sure their list of specialisms isn't too long-noone can know it all.)

If you are not in London, find out from the Royal College which is the nearest uni to you with a SALT course, then ring them and ask for a recommendation.

Get back to me, if you need more help. As I said, it's not my field (that's S/N and augment./alt. communication) but I know how you should go about seeking the right salt for your needs.

Oh-and stop worrying about your pupils. At the moment, your prime rsponsibility is to yourself. Worrying will only make things worse, and keep you away for longer.
If it is any consolation, voice problems are vvvv common in teachers (whether psychogenic or organic in origin.)

Don't panic. You will be able to sort this out!!
Let me know what happens.
XXX

Not in this field though! (Don't want to be accused of being another Wig & Robe )
I am a salt-honest!!!!

Voice problems are horrible scarey things. I really feel for you.

Could you see another GP at your practice if you feel you're being rushed? Could he/she not give you an idea of the length of the waiting list or a number to call at the hospital to find out? Sorry, not much help, but I do sympathise. If stress is making things worse, you must look after yourself and do all you can to try not to worry to much.
Lots of hugs & hope things improve soon. xxx

Sorry, missed mizmiz's extremely helpful post. But just wanted to wish you well.

F x

I?m no expert either here at all but mizmiz seems to have given excellent advice for you.
As an ex teacher, I can say that it is easy to worry about your pupils when ill and you just need to make the effort to put yourself first. You cannot teach without a voice - it just doesn?r work. Apart from the fact that all the talking will make it worse, so will the dry dusty classrooms that we all put up with. If you want to help your pupils and feel up to it, why don?t you take a bit of time to plan some really good extra revision back up sheets. I did this when feeling desperately guilty about going on Maternity leave just before exam time and it made me feel better - of course, I wasn?t ill so was up to doing it - don?t bother unless you feel well enough in yourself and it would help you feel like you were doing something.
Trust the supply teachers - they are professionals too - and paid a good wage to do it

Message withdrawn

Thanks everyone. All your hugs and advice are much appreicated. Let me clarify a few things. I have been referred to ENT, just waiting for the appointment. I was not AT ALL stressed until the voice went and now feel extremely stressed.

The "frightened little mouse" description was me beating myself up about not slowing the doctor down this morning, not a reference to me generally; I have A LOT to say and want to be able to say it, so I don't think it's pyschogenic.

I know supply teachers do a good job, it's the pupils I'm worried about because they need constant nagging and consistency in order to do anything! I'm sending in loads of high quality work, revision notes etc; am so bored at home that I've got lots of time to do this!

Don't feel ill, apart from getting tired really really quickly (eg: go out for a walk and have to go straight to bed when I get in as I'm whacked. My biggest worry is I'm the only earner in our house and I'm terrified that if this goes on, we'll be broke.

I really appreciate your posts and think mumsnet is one of the few things helping to keep me sane at the moment.

Candycane, I'm so sorry I haven't return your email. I have been snowed under with dd's hospital appointments, and SALT sessions, and trying to settle her into mainstream nursery this week!
I will do it NOW!

Dingle - you are a star! So is everyone else who's answered this thread. Thankyou all! I've been into school today and arranged a few pieces of work I can be doing in addition to setting good quality cover work; things like reviewing educational books for other teachers, making resources for other teachers etc so that will give me something to think about instead of just sitting feeling guilty. I'm also going to try and spend some time just being more selfish and thinking about nice things to do for "me time" so any ideas for that would be great!