The Great Recovery part 4

[TopOfTheCliff]

Time for a new thread. Welcome aboard!

You may have finished active treatment for cancer, be in remission or NED. You want to look forward not dwell on the past. You know you ought to be eating well, exercising more and picking up the threads of your old life. Join us and share the ups and downs of recovery. We understand!
Here are some resources we found helpful:
The Mountain Lion
https://www.cancerpal.co.uk/post/what-it-s-really-like-to-receive-a-cancer-diagnosis
Peter Harvey on Psychology of recovery:
https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf
Resources from Penny Brohn:
https://pennybrohn.org.uk/our-approach/resources/
Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward:
https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/moving-forward
Get your Oomph Back with Carolyn Garritt
http://www.oomph.london/home.html
Charity providing treats for cancer patients:
https://somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk/
Exercise is good for you:
https://www.webmd.com/cancer/features/exercise-cancer-patients
Any more suggestions? Post them below
There is also a thread for those suspected to have cancer, or newly diagnosed and facing treatment, and also a thread for those with Stage IV cancer who want to talk to others in the same boat.

So glad your surgery went well, @FairyWren7 Fabulous photo!

Glad your surgery went well Fairywren and love the photo.

I am hoping we can get the garden to perfect Top (I find it very difficult not to aim for perfect and am telling myself, possibly delusionally, we will achieve perfection to motivate myself) but even if we do it will be keeping it there though. I enjoy the dream of a perfect garden. It will depend what else happens for us as well. I would like it perfect but just pretty and enjoyable and good exercise like where we are at now is fine. Our neighbour has the most perfect garden and he said it took him 6 years, its smaller than ours but DH and I are doing it together. On that basis 4.5 years to go. 😂I think it will be end of the year but I said that last year. Our village is one of those villages were lots of people have beautiful gardens and chocolate box cottages there is a unsaid social expectation you will work towards a perfect garden and exterior of house. Its partly to inspire DS out in the garden which has worked. But you do need to be retired with energy to fulfil this perfection. There are lots of garden parties here. We unfortunately can't host as DS doesn't like people here but we get invited and gardens are one of the key topics of conversation. Telling them cancer could come back they can accept quite easily (maybe as most are older so understand the reality more) but if you said you were happy with an imperfect garden that would ruffle feathers and be seen as an act of treason here and possibly lead to a flurry of e-mails to selected people on the street and we could be deselected. Unless we had good reason. That's also partly why I leave the cancer thing open. So it'll be more MrsPenguins garden isn't looking as good as it was, poor MrsPenguins maybe she has cancer again. Not oh MrsPenguins doesn't care about the village.

I just asked DH if one day we would get the garden perfect and he said of course we will it will be just as perfect as our neighbours (who has a garden better than some RHS ones). Then I said the trouble will be keeping it that way and he laughed. I didn't really appreciate how long perfect gardens took, I grew up with a great aunt with the most perfect cottage and perfect garden but realise now she must have spent all her time doing that and baking homemade cakes and making dried flowers. I was totally in love with it as a child. She had no children (died of breast cancer refusing all treatment though was in late 60s at least) but the trouble is I want the perfect garden but not for it to take over all my life. I don't think we will ever get to our neighbours level as his whole garden is flowers almost.

Old house we just had a small garden so once a week in better weather by myself could look perfect. I just took a photo out of the window and the garden looked lovely but the window had insects though we have a really old cottage with double windows but its very hard to get inbetween the two windows and also my window when they painted they painted it shut on outside. I wonder if I need to look for another job so I stop needing everything perfect. The silkies and the birds love us working in the garden, you can see the silkies chatting like they approve. And the robin loves me clearing weeds as its more soil for worms. He follows us around. Still at least I rarely think about cancer. It seems amazing to be like that when in 2022 it was most of my thoughts but been like that for a while now. I will now watch Race Around the World so I can stop obsessing about house and garden and becoming a house and garden bore. I am boring myself. I half feel like ready for retirement and half wanting adventure in a must do exciting things as soon as possible way.

@MsPenguins Your garden sounds lovely, and I’ll wager that others admire it greatly.

I’m in the process of greatly reducing mine. I have over half an acre, and when I left teaching it became a project. I grew flowers for events and had a big kitchen garden. It was all beautifully kept. But it was becoming a burden. And perfection became the enemy of the good. And imo is overrated anyway.

In a v interesting convo with an architect when we were estate planning/future proofing I learned that it was more often management of outside space that tipped people into urgent downsizing, and that most houses can be adapted for later life needs.

I’m in my late 60s, my husband is older, 80+. We’re farmers and wish to stay here till we die or need residential care. We also have no wish to be the elderly parents that are the subjects of anguished posts on here.

Long winded way of saying maybe give yourself permission to enjoy your silkies and the robin, and don’t strive too hard

So good to hear that cancer doesn’t occupy your thoughts as it did. 2023 was my year taken up by diagnosis and treatment. 2024 was recovery, licking my wounds, struggling to regain equilibrium. 2025 I’m looking to the future, planning and doing. Cancer is in a box, in a corner, I’m aware of its presence, but mostly the lid is on that box.

Thanks very much GrannyGoggles and good to hear you are looking to the future. Interesting about the outside space being the main issue with people when elderly, we hopefully have some years left and our garden is much bigger than our old one but still not large, but it is something would bear in mind.

Yes i think everyone in my (large) village is interested in my tits! When I get asked how I am I usually say “yep all good!” If I get asked specifically about the cancer I say “finished most of the treatment, and it was successful - everything from now on is to prevent it returning, which like every cancer patient, is always a possibility”. I think people ask because they are being concerned and polite - I don’t mind really. People in general have stopped expecting a detailed update so i think the questions are more conversation starters rather than cancer related. I’m back at work next week though so there’s a whole new set of people asking me earnestly how my “health” is.

I’m away with friends this weekend and I think I was feeling anxious about it but I distracted myself by cooking dinner/washing/gardening and now feel much more positive. I agree, often the worry/depression side of things goes away in a few hours.

Well done @FairyWren7 - fingers crossed for recovery x

Hope your recovery is going well Fairywren

Hope return to work goes well LittleCaf

Hope everyone is having a good Bank Holiday weekend. Ours is fine, if a little dull. Spent 2.5 hours gardening with DH on Saturday. Are clearing by the fence as having work done on the fence and just have one panel to clear by. Expected to go out today but both DH and I were worn out so just had a Sunday roast and homemade apple crumble and custard. Tomorrow I have a Teams call and we have things to collect but we may do the final area if we get chance and energy in-between the two. We are somewhat at capacity with bins but black will go mid week. To add to this excitement I ordered a special collection of 6 items but that's 2.5 weeks away. Cat has been super cuddly. I did worry a bit about being tired and achy but think it's normal on reflection, I did Google and vast majority said normal, one told me I have 2.7 years to live on average. 😱 I think what I am learning though is don't garden on first day of weekend as you won't have energy to go out for exercise next day whereas other way round could recover in week. It's lovely to see all the pretty flowers out and the robin was very happy again. I get hip pain but it does improve/go with vitamins and it's like a dull ache. It might well be gardening as well as we are doing a lot of digging and carrying things.

I’m tired and achy @MsPenguins But then I think that’s because I played 2 1/2 hours of tennis yesterday! I’m playing another hour today as well, going for a walk with a friend, and meeting up with my brother for lunch.

The life expectancy thing sounds mad! I sat with a younger colleague the other day and she was telling me how some older relative kept fit and healthy and ate well and so that really helps in staying healthy in old age as f she was giving me some sort of advice. I know she was just making conversation and it was well meaning, but I was just sat there thinking yeah a bit late now, once you’ve had cancer and chemo, those sort of conversations take on a different slant!

Indeed @SierraSapphire, if only it was as simple as that!

I hope everyone has a good bank holiday. I'm impressed with how active everyone is!

I think @SierraSapphire that it is a matter of pacing yourself. After all those months of indolence and poor health I am aware of the need to push back to regain fitness and strength. Unfortunately I don’t always get it right and sometimes I might possibly overdo things 😂. Invariably when I talk to my trainer or my yoga teacher they point this out and tell me to take it easier. It is hard to tell the difference between normal aches of arthritis/postmenopause/hormone blockers/neuropathy and post exercise DOMS. Also it is hard to fit into the week all the activities I would want to do. In my head I should be doing more strength work but there never seems to be space for it.
Yesterday was great. I went out on a club bike ride for 30 miles then cooked up a veggie meal for some new friends who came to supper. The young colleague would have approved! After my despair at imperfection last week I have decided we need to invite friends round to enjoy our lovely but imperfect home.
Today is house clearing at PILs bungalow before we go away for a week to Majorca with the local triathlon club. No raking gravel though, that was definitely the cause of my sacroiliac strain!
I am not going to order anything till we get back, but DH has laid concrete in the garden for me to put a boat seat in looking at the amazing view. Also it’s time for bedding plants and I want to put some in at the bungalow just to pretty it up a bit before it goes on the market.
@MsPenguins you know no good comes of Googling! Presumably the average life span of 2.7 years is for a stage 4 diagnosis which you don’t have! But if the hip pain is worrying you the team should arrange you a bone scan. I got one for my shoulder pain without much bother.
Right, time for coffee and action. Enjoy the holiday everybody.

Thanks Sierra That's great you are so active. I agree with the healthy eating and staying active helps but it is frustrating when there's an implication all people with cancer can't have been doing either before cancer. I think a lot of people want to believe they can avoid cancer completely by doing these things. Though sounds like she meant well and wants you around as long as possible.

Top Enjoy Majorca. I didn't read the 2.7 years things think it might have been some AI response though it was so silly as it was something like if you have muscle aches and bone pain you will be dead in 2.7 years on average and was very clearly nonsense.

I need to think a bit more about whether to get a scan. I think the muscle ache is related to exercise, probably gardening and I am not very careful how I bend when carrying things and I think that's normal. It started both times after gardening and it is in the places I bend plus my one arm. Tiredness I think is also well within normal range and cat wakes me up at 5am. I think what's worrying me is the rib and hip pain I am getting. Its probably as I had those pre breast cancer diagnosis though CT scan was clear. Though DH raised an interesting possibility that the rib pain is emotional and I think he could be right as when I am really relaxed I don't have it and I only have it from time to time. I also googled and apparently hip pain can also be emotional. I find it really hard to know when to go for a scan, a lot of the secondary symptoms are quite vague. And it could well just be menopause plus Tamoxifen and ageing. I don't like having too many scans due to radiation and also you stress yourself out. I think its almost certainly fine. Its probably as I just stopped working my mind has time to wander.

@MsPenguins I’m worrying about various aches and pains too. This week my lower back hurts - as if I’m about to have a period - which stopped when I had chemo. Maybe they are returning?! I’ve spoken to the BCNs about shoulder pain - they originally said it’s chemo pain, then neuropathy, then post surgery, then lymphodema. I asked at least three times about bone mets and was firmly told that my scans were clear so there is no evidence….but even then it’s a mental health niggle that won’t go away. Seems to come and go.

I had my last counselling appointment today and I’m in a much better place than I was in Jan when I started. I do feel like I can plan for the future now. I was technically at work this morning too after 8 months off - but I couldn’t log in and IT didn’t call me so that’ll wait until tomorrow too. Taking tentative steps towards a more normal life…..

I hope you’re continuing to make a good recovery @FairyWren7

Going back to work is a big step @Littlecaf I hope it goes well once you get over the technical hurdles

I have been a very poor contributor to this thread recently. I’ve made it through my first month of work and loving the job but have been sick the entire time so it’s been a struggle. I think I’m in my 6th week of coughing. I got a bit concerned about whether something else was lurking but then DD18 came home from Uni at the weekend and she’s still coughing from the same bug so it’s obviously just a lingering one. I’m doing those sinus rinses which I loathe - seems very unnatural to deliberately squirt water up your nose! But they are helping so I push through.

I was supposed to have a liver function blood test in March and I totally forgot! So I’ll go this week and again in a month before my June appointment.

Exercise has also gone out the window as too breathless from coughing. It’s a lovely sunny day and I would like to take a walk to the shops but I am stuck here waiting for our new washing machine to be delivered and they are now officially late.

@Remaker Thanks for thinking of me and thanks for all the other good wishes.

I’m going really well. Just waiting to be checked in the clinic at the moment. Hoping all will be well so I can start the new job next week.

We’ve had lovely weather but today the fog and I got caught in a shower - here comes winter!

@Remaker I was exactly the same when I went back to teaching. I had a permanent sinus issue for months while I was taking the immunotherapy drug. It’s only just shifted.

I’m wondering if I should get a flu and covid jab before I start my training or at least get it booked in. Probably be sensible to.

The woman next to me has just sneezed three times in the waiting room. Might have to get masked up!

Hope everyone is well and spring gardening is in full force!

There is a horrible cold doing the rounds that's leaving people with a lingering cough. Both DH and I have had it and we've still got horrible mucus coughs a few weeks later.

Sorry lots of us have aches and pains, coughs. Still have mine 3 weeks on muscle ache and bone pain only though so don't think it's a virus. I am hoping it's gardening related though rather strange for length of time which is making mind wander but I wonder if I strained muscles maybe including chest one when I was bending and carrying heavy things. I also tend to forget I had diep take out some rib there in September. I will try and rest and hope it resolves, so far been continuing to do about 5 hours exercise a week. Though we have people doing work on the fence and a bit left to clear, and a lady who has just started coming round once a week for DS so need to make sure his area is perfect and that involves olympic gymnastics type moves as he puts food wrappers in places like behind the tumble drier and you have to get under the sink and worktop and curl round crawling in a narrow gap. Actually writing that that may be how I've managed to get aches. As long as it's not cancer back I don't mind. And I booked a special collection of heavy stuff so I may not be resting.

Hope you don't get periods back LittleCaf that was one upside of chemo. I was warned they could return but mine never did.

@MsPenguins yes I’m sort of hoping I don’t get periods back too although still carry round emergency tampons in bag. Maybe I need to give that up too!

I’m very impressed with everyone’s exercise routines. You are all inspiring me! Since Jan I’ve been doing 10k steps a day and since early April I’m trying to swim twice a week. I have a session booked after work today and looking forward to it. I think some weight loss is needed too (probably about 2 stone) but that will take longer and I’m not starting properly until after radiotherapy.

That sounds like you are doing really well LittleCaf

I went swimming yesterday but only managed 50 lengths (15m pool) which is half what I normally do as was achy but did notice issue seems to be largely around the sternum (muscle around) and right side where I had DIEP operation and also side I use if carrying things. Wander if I have pulled the muscle there, don't really mind what I've done as long as not cancer back. I also asked DH to calculate how heavy the thing I was trying to move in the garden and failed. 200kgs 😂So this may explain things. I will try to rest the muscles but its difficult as I want to do things and am right handed.

@MsPenguins no wonder you are sore! That would explain it.
I am on day 3 of my holiday, about to go on another bike ride, and this morning I swam in the sea. It’s lovely here and I am enjoying the all inclusive hotel. It’s actually really easy to eat healthily and there is a nice zero alcohol beer at the bar. DH had five plates at dinner yesterday but he is on a long ride over the mountains today. I have tried line dancing which was a lot of fun.
Im finally seeing some benefit from the winter training. Hooray!

@demivolte have you had the result of the MRI scan yet? It seems a long wait.

I saw a photo of me in my swimsuit yesterday in the sea and blow me, I have a waistline! First time in about twenty years I’d say. I had a brilliant day out in pouring rain being madly cheerful as I kept thinking “ this is crap but still so much better than going for a chemotherapy session”. My friends have been so positive about my progress and I am almost back to my place in the pecking order on the bike. I can see that the routine I have set up with eating well, yoga Pilates and cycling and never ending weeding and tidying is doing me good! Just keep going folks.

Thank you for thinking of me @TopOfTheCliff , I got a letter a few days ago and pleasingly it was normal glandular tissue only. I'm staying on annual MRIs due to density.

Your holiday sounds fun (rain aside). How satisfying to be seeing the results of your hard work.

I saw my practice nurse recently. She used to work in cancer care and said it takes 6-12 months for the body to repair itself after treatment. I'm 6 months from the end of targeted therapy, so hopefully getting there.

I'm feeling pleased with myself this morning as I have a busy day of DC activities but before setting off managed to do a load of washing and hang it out, and make a coffee to bring with me. I am not normally so organised.

Have a good weekend all.

Glad you are enjoying your holiday Top and great to see a waistline.

Glad your scan was clear Demivolte and very impressed you have managed to get annual MRIs. Mine would only do mammos despite it missing 2 out of 3. Seems daft to me as sure an MRI is cheaper than chemo.

I am still having muscle and bone pain but am just going to initially try not doing things like heavy gardening as they came on 4 weeks ago first after gardening and I kept doing that for 3 weeks and think I probably need to rest and see if it goes. I realised I did 9 hours previous week in 3 sessions but with no breaks and lifting things so now I have not done gardening since Saturday. I am finding it a bit hard as I want to do something useful though at least last week we had men in doing the fence so that has improved. If it's not gone in say 3 more weeks I will try to get a scan. I did order a collection of heavy garden things to be taken though so not sure how long I will keep up the resting. The rib and hip pain slightly freaks me out but hip pain I often have on and off and sternum/rib pain started after gardening. I hope I haven't damaged anything from diep either. I have booked a house and gardens tour tomorrow so can get light exercise and can hopefully avoid gardening temptation.

I kept thinking “ this is crap but still so much better than going for a chemotherapy session”.

I think one of the things my treatment has given me is a sort of resilience and fortitude. I was at the dentist and had to have some root canal treatment. The dentist was warning me about how uncomfortable/painful it would be and I just thought to myself that after all the pain and horrible procedures I'd had, root canal would be a breeze.

Went round a house and gardens on Norfolk coast with DH which was nice and had tea and cake at the cafe then did bit of cleaning. Think am getting less achy but still not right, nice day out and did around an hour's walking. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Did you say you’re in Majorca @TopOfTheCliff? DD and I are going there at the end of the week, though it looks like it’s going to be warmer up north here than it is in Majorca! I’m heartened to know that you seem to be in the sea, I was a bit worried it might be a little bit cold. It’s nice that the sun came out, although I was surprised to wake up and find it raining this morning. One more week at work and then I’m off.

It’s nice when nurses are realistic @demivoltewhen I was having issues after chemo, the nurse specialist told me I should be okay again in three months, and I definitely wasn’t!

I had a tonsillectomy @MissMarplesNiece after all the cancer stuff, and it felt like nothing to be having the operation, it was a bit weird how unbothered I was.

Hope your achiness recedes @MsPenguins- I feel like all post-menopausal women are achy but obviously it has other possibilities after you’ve had cancer. Good plan to set yourself a time limit and then go to get medical advice if it hasn’t gone away.

Can’t say I’m really feeling in the mood to work today! I’ve got tennis later, maybe I’ll have an outdoor swim if I feel up to it and definitely will go into the spa. We’re doing an exercise challenge at work, so that’s motivating me to do a little bit more, and I’ve got out and run a couple of mornings now the weather is better and it’s lighter, so I want to keep that up, I’m feeling a few pounds heavier than ideally I’d like to be, a lot of boredom or stress eating I think at my desk.