The Great Recovery part 4

[TopOfTheCliff]

Time for a new thread. Welcome aboard!

You may have finished active treatment for cancer, be in remission or NED. You want to look forward not dwell on the past. You know you ought to be eating well, exercising more and picking up the threads of your old life. Join us and share the ups and downs of recovery. We understand!
Here are some resources we found helpful:
The Mountain Lion
https://www.cancerpal.co.uk/post/what-it-s-really-like-to-receive-a-cancer-diagnosis
Peter Harvey on Psychology of recovery:
https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf
Resources from Penny Brohn:
https://pennybrohn.org.uk/our-approach/resources/
Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward:
https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/moving-forward
Get your Oomph Back with Carolyn Garritt
http://www.oomph.london/home.html
Charity providing treats for cancer patients:
https://somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk/
Exercise is good for you:
https://www.webmd.com/cancer/features/exercise-cancer-patients
Any more suggestions? Post them below
There is also a thread for those suspected to have cancer, or newly diagnosed and facing treatment, and also a thread for those with Stage IV cancer who want to talk to others in the same boat.

I'll take the win 😁

I only have one photo of me with no hair, taken just after I started chemo. My face was bloated with steroids, I had no lashes or brows - I literally didn't recognise the person in the mirror.

@PollyCreo I have a similar picture. Unfortunately it is my ten year passport photo! It’s awful!

Moments like that are nice though. My friend said I had some kind of ‘enjoy life’ feel about me when I went home and I also got chatted up too! Enjoy it!

I’ve just got back from a great trip. But my brain is now in the - we’ve got three sleeps until surgery situation.

I’ve been here so many times. This is my eighth general - I am praying it’s the last one and nothing goes wrong and that I don’t end up with more trauma on top of trauma.

I have been minimising it in my head with the reasoning that nothing can be as bad as the last one.

Well done @TopOfTheCliff thats great work. Gardening is great exercise - digging is hard work.

@TopOfTheCliff my singing teacher would say anyone can sing! I used to be in a Rock Choir - it was a huge one, over 120 members, we would literally raise the roof in full voice! But you could be a crap singer and no one would know as it was so huge 😂

There's a couple of smaller choirs near me that I'm looking to join, I'm just deciding if I'm retiring early (I'm 61 soon. Very soon!). They do a mixture of classical and popular music, which suits my voice better than the pop/rock type music. I also want to get back to Pilates. And of course I'm doing my weights and walking. I do get very tired, very suddenly.

I'm feeling a bit at a loose end, despite the fact that I'm still signed off work and am very definitely recovering. I felt a bit of a fraud recently, wandering around a very 'naice' high street near me, and having a coffee in a lovely café. Even though I fell asleep once I got home because I was exhausted!!

Well done@TopOfTheCliff!
Also into gardening atm and today I went to the Harrogate Flower Show with some friends.
It was lovely but exhausting ( thanks neuropathy!)
My first post surgery check on Friday so fingers crossed!

Lovely to hear all the out and about stories, I can imagine you all pottering in pretty gardens and singing in church halls! My friend recently asked me to join her choir - it’s a friendly one of about 25 people - not a rock choir or church one but I haven’t had the confidence to go yet. But I think I will this week!

I’ve got a return to work chat with my manager today. I think I’ll ask for a few mornings a week from home to start with. See what he says. He’s a good person so I think that’ll be fine. I feel like I’m ratting around on medication at the moment - migraine tablets, exemstane, Imodium, vitamins, but generally I feel fine.

Oh do go along to your friend's choir @Littlecaf singing is really good for you mentally and physically.

I had a meeting with my financial planner this morning to talk about retirement, and I've decided to go for it. I have no idea if I'll end up with a recurrence so I want to do All The Things 😂 I've also pottered in the garden, done laundry and made a few phone calls. Quite a satisfying kind of day in all. Have a few hospital appointments this week, so I'm going to take advantage of today and Wednesday, when I don't have appointments. Had my first Zometa on Friday and it wiped me out for the whole of Saturday 😱

Hope surgery goes well Fairywren

We took DHs classic car out and went to Cambridge botanic gardens which was nice, swimming on Wed and Fri, then Sat / Sun going through house cleaning and doing garden. Had last day at work so now need to think about what next but will just do garden / house/ DS to start with. I spent a couple of hours cleaning and clearing room he spends most time in and found the edible Valentines heart with Love You I gave him on a cake on Valentines Day which was nice.

Have got some lavenders to plant.

Thinking of you @FairyWren7

I’ve stalled this morning. I’ve been madly busy cycling gardening and sailing, and yesterday I damaged my back. I think it’s a sacroiliac strain but I decided to take a day to rest. I had a full day planned with no down time and it was going to aggravate the injury so I just stopped. I just feel relief!
I was reflecting yesterday as I sat in the dirt weeding the about-to-be-Asparagus bed that I am an intelligent, educated, wealthy woman and yet despite expending all my energy and time on looking after myself and my home and garden and belongings I am locked in a constant battle. Everywhere there are broken things to mend, dirty things to clean, weeds growing, paint peeling, dust settling and weight creeping onto my waistline if I am less than vigilant! It seems like I am constantly losing the battle. All around me are people with nice homes, clean cars, slim bodies and pretty gardens while I drown in a sea of dirt and mess. I must be doing it wrong somehow! I think it’s the fact that I take on more than I can cope with and never quite catch up. I did the same with my DC, having three in four years and being permanently exhausted for ages. Just as I gave up half my allotment and am managing better with the remainder, I need to reduce the number of things/people I am responsible for. Also maybe there should be days for enjoying the relative improvements with tea parties and lunches in the garden.
I don’t think this is a cancer related thing, I think it is just that I am getting back to how I have lived my life for years and it’s hard work and seems like I am getting nowhere! What am I doing wrong?

I can be similar Top and I think it's perfectionist tendancies, wanting everything to be perfect at the same time and feeling as if you are failing if it's not, probably linked to very high expectations as a child. But whatever it was very much part of me now and I notice I am worse for this when not doing something else. Like when I am working or successfully supporting a child I can think well I did that well so it's OK the garden or whatever isn't perfect. But if that's my main focus I have moments of feeling useless and a burden.

Though I do find the feelings can completely pass within a few hours so now I just try and distract myself or fact check. Try and be kind to yourself, you have achieved so much, intelligent, successful career, lovely house, your boating adventures, 3 children, enough money. Generally people always have something to do on their home, garden etc. You seem to be taking a lot on maybe too much and needs more fun or relaxing days. Try and look for the positives rather than the things left to do and be kind to yourself.

Aw @MsPenguins that’s a really kind and positive message! We have been on these threads a long time now and have followed each other’s ups and downs. You get the unfiltered truth on here so probably know me pretty well by now!
You have given me something useful to think about. Maybe I should grit my teeth and write a nauseating Gratitude Journal. I do always see the long list of undone tasks rather than the short list of completed ones 😂
Thank you x

@TopOfTheCliff i, like @MsPenguins have followed your adventures with awe over the last few years- I don’t post that much, but have found it much harder to get the life I feel I “ought” have post treatment and post losing dm- and my responsibilities for her, sorting estate, probate, house sell.
You and @MsPenguins have both inspired me to be a bit braver… but as I once read no one on their deathbed will have an empty inbox/ completed to do list.
I went to a talk by Oliver Burkeman, ex guardian journalist, https://www.oliverburkeman.com who talks about being an imperfectionist and being realistic- I found it quite helpful. His newsletter is quite interesting.
I have to say I’ve found writing a gratitude journal helpful through the trickiest times. It has given me pointers to what matters most.
A couple of recent funerals of very dear friends has also helped me focus on what matters- very much people, not things.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your friends Sandwich and thanks for your kind words.

What I do Top now is sometimes write down the negative thoughts then try and distract myself (normally I find they pass in a couple of hours) just on a draft e-mail (which I later delete) then when I am feeling better I read them again and challenge the thoughts - like your one everyone else is thin, well when I looked it up for my age only 25% of women were in the normal BMI category so for 75% of people that's untrue. Then I would also think that obviously bothers me so what can I do about it - in your case your are getting close to it and doing all you can. If those two approaches fail then I sometimes think what would a kind friend advise. I also since cancer try to be very mood aware on what triggers me to be happier (generally exercise, going out, travel, achieving something, gardening) and what triggers depression. I noticed doing this that when I got the depression feelings I come out of them in 2 hours or so and so I just think distract myself for 2 hours then will feel OK and that often works. Sometimes I do rant/very angry with myself when depressed but I think that's the Tamoxifen plus no HRT. Cancer generally doesn't bother me at all now other than the odd thought of having stage 4 but its rare I give much thought for that, I will deal with that if it happens. I did get annoyed the other day about not knowing the exact date of my death. 😂It was when pensions were falling rapidly. Also if I die at 60 or at 85 would make a difference to choices I would make now. I tried about 10 calculators for death but none of them were any good. When I came out of it I realised almost nobody knows.

@TopOfTheCliff thats how I feel. I see things that need doing. Repetitive tasks that seem a bit pointless. All I want to do is watch the sun rise and set, write, see friends and family and travel and explore. And dance and drink with my friends and pretend im young. And grow roses. That’s about it really.

I’m waiting.

@MsPenguins again agree. This is the first surgery I have been successful at controlling my anxiety successfully. So far anyway.

Good luck @FairyWren7With the time difference, I’m not quite sure whether it’s today.

I am also drowning in a sea of dirt and mess @TopOfTheCliff! I am paying someone to try and tidy up my garden. I’ll get something more dramatic done to it when DM’s house is sold (It’s only a small garden), But for the moment getting rid of all the weeds between the paving stones and pruning back bushes that are escaping over the paths will do!

I’ve got a very long day tomorrow, I’m helping out with the elections, which means 6:30 am till gone 10 pm in the polling station, up till about 2am doing the verification, and then back on Friday for the count. Not planned much over the weekend as a result!

@thesandwich thank you so much! I have just been reading Oliver Burkeman over coffee and he nails it! “There’s no escaping the mucky, malodorous, compost-heap of this reality. Which is okay, because compost makes things grow!”
I think perhaps accepting the never ending nature of to-do lists and embracing imperfection is the next step on the road to enlightenment. I could downsize and sell lots of stuff. Or I could hire people to help me look after stuff. Or I could muddle along doing too many things and getting exhausted but slowly slimmer and fitter. Or maybe a bit of each of the above.
We had an utterly beautiful night out on the river yesterday. The wind was light and died off at sunset. We started the race first, led the fleet for the first 30 minutes then got engulfed by bigger boats and we all went backwards in the tide. Eventually we surrendered and motored home for a pint and a plate of food. What a glorious evening!

Thanks @MsPenguins and I’m so glad the articles resonate with you @TopOfTheCliff . That photo looks amazing. We are in Aberdovey for a few beautiful days- so glorious!

Do you all get people asking if you've had "the all clear"? It pisses me off 🤬

No @PollyCreo, I seem to get a lot of, “Um, how are you? I mean, are you, you know, all right? Um, your health? You are all right aren’t you?” Or I get asked a lot if I’m still having checkups 🤷‍♀️.

What a beautiful picture @TopOfTheCliff, and I know how everyone feels about the never ending to do lists. I also focus on the things I haven't done but am trying to be more realistic and give myself a bit of credit.

I hope all went well FairyWren7 and tomorrow isn't too tiring SierraSaphire

PollyCreo I have had people ask me that and also a lot of "how is your health" type questions, I normally just try and move on as quickly as possible. Depending on who it is, I sometimes find it a bit annoying that people think it's an acceptable topic of conversation, but I think people mainly mean well.

I am having trouble tagging people for some reason.

Yes, how's your health? 😂 I bore people by telling them about my boobs and the reconstruction, I bore myself sometimes 🤣

I'm sometimes tempted to give a detailed description of my post chemo bowel function, but have resisted so far...

Have a lovely time in Aberdovey Sandwich

Lovely picture Top

Just done some gardening with DH. I feel like we should have finished the garden now but its like painting the Forth Bridge, good exercise though and nice to see the beautiful flowers. DH is very proud that a couple of people complimented the garden and both mentioned the one flower in particular. DS goes in the garden quite a bit too and seems to cut sticks.

I do sometimes get asked about the all clear and generally I just say yes its clear as far as they know but it could come back at any point in future at stage 4 even 30 years after but I don't worry about that.

Thanks folks. It was hard to take a bad photo last night!
I just breezily say “Yes the cancer is all gone, hopefully forever” and move the conversation on. They are just being politely interested but would be horrified if I described the gnawing uncertainty of not knowing, like @MsPenguins , how much pension we can expect to receive or need. (Logically the only way you could know your date of death in advance would be if you planned suicide on a specific day).
Tonight DH and I went out and gave a talk about our round UK trip as a double act. It was really fun and quite emotional as it really was a wonderful adventure. I found myself using the phrase “The perfect is the enemy of the good” in describing how we just made a rough plan and set off without being ready or knowing where we would be going. I think after reading about Imperfectionism this morning it helped me see this as a strength not a weakness.
@MsPenguins you know your garden will never be perfect but people still enjoy it and it gives you pleasure looking after it.

Loving our philosophical approach to life. I am reminded every so often by this situation what the important things are. It’s not stuff it’s people and experiences.

That looked like a beautiful evening @TopOfTheCliff - perfect weather. It’s wonderful to be human, alive and feel the sun and breeze on our faces.

My surgery appears to have gone well. Care has been excellent and I hope to go home shortly. I have two similar sized boobs and minimal pain. Hurrah!

Here’s a sunset from the last night of our trip away! Just stunning!