Adult ADHD

[Sapphire29]

Can those of you with ADHD please share your experiences.

I've wondered for a while if I have ADHD and am looking into a private assessment.
Looking at the criteria I don't feel like I can tick the boxes for things like 'unable to sit still or always on the go". I'm the complete opposite. I spend most of the day on the sofa just unable to commit to doing the simplest of jobs. I honestly thought I was just lazy and depressed. I can see the jobs that need doing, I will find myself just staring at them and then find myself back on the sofa as I've been unable to bring myself to do anything. I struggle with conversation. I find speaking with people just exhausting but then sometimes find myself butting into random strangers conversations in the supermarket. I'll then walk away thinking why did I just do that?
I'm forgetful. I have a conversation with someone and 10 mins later struggle to recall what was said.
My mood switches between full on mental breakdown and couldn't give a shit.
My sleep is all over the place. I get the kids off to school then I go back to bed until lunchtime just because I can't face the day. The days are so long and I struggle with how long the days are.
I catastrophise lots of situations. I can make a mountain out of a molehill.
Do I have ADHD, am I depressed? I just have no idea but life is pretty miserable atm.

Are you a woman? Our hyperactivity can be internal so it’s your brain constantly running rather than you moving around loads.

I was diagnosed 2 years ago. Spent my whole life feeling like I was stupid because of how difficult I find day to day stiff. Can’t shut my brain off, constantly worry about things that happened years ago. Have been exhausted since my teens. All the typical stuff. It’s shit, I’m fed up of it and it’s just getting worse.

I can’t say a diagnosis helped me much.

Yes, I'm a woman.
I'm constantly talking to myself, like full on conversations under my breath with hand gestures. The kids have started to notice too.
It is exhausting, I feel your pain. Some days I can barely have a conversation with my kids and husband as I feel mentally drained despite not doing much during the day

ADHD can be very tiring as your brain is having to work extra hard with it's executive function deficits, emotional dysregulation and often processing delays. Being overwhelmed and ending up in paralysis on the sofa failing to do any of the tasks you wanted to do is also common, sometimes may productively procrastinate instead i.e cleaning when have in important essay to do.

The official ADHD screener is the asrs-v1-1 which most providers will ask you to complete for GP referral. For an ADHD diagnosis the symptoms are split into hyperactive/impulsive and inattentive but you can be predominately either type or combined. So despite the name hyperactivity isn't a requirement, although as PP said this also relates to internal hyperactivity. You have to bear in mind with some questions the assesment process hasn't really been adapted much from child's so while many adults maybe want to pace or leave a meeting they're aware of the negative consequences of doing so, where a child would be more likely to act on it.

Other conditions can have these common symptoms but what makes it ADHD is that it's been present since childhood and has negatively impacted in various environments such as education, work, family, relationships.

ADHD + Autism is fairly common if you feel you relate to both but don't seem to 100% fit. They can mask the more noticeable external traits of each other but can lead to a lot of internal conflict and anxiety because they are often fairly opposing desires ADHD impulsive, novelty seeking and ASD seeks the same routine and is easily overwhelmed with new situations. When ADHD is medicated it can allow the Autistic traits to come more to the fore.

If you live in England your better off with the Right To Choose pathway for NHS contracted private providers ( best not to expect GP to know process or providers). If you may want to try medication do check it's one that will continue to prescribe if your GP declines to takeover shared care as many are refusing any extra unfunded workload. There is a page on same site which breaks down how to go about getting referral and what to do if have issues.

Dr Russell Barkley has been involved in ADHD research for decades and has some talks on YouTube & Dr Ned Hallowell also worth look. Plenty of other good content around including ADHD UK which runs regular webinar events.

The diagnosis makes it official which may help if you need to request workplace adjustments. Most Neurodivergent support groups are accepting of self diagnosis as are well aware of the difficulties in getting one, but other people in you life probably less so which increases the imposter syndrome.

After having years of being treated for anxiety/depression and having doctors criticise me for not trying hard enough when I fail to get better it's been great having it confirmed that they were never the root problem. I don't think you can underestimate how much it helps just being able to reframe the difficulties & resulting failures in life as not being down to your character flaws which in future helps to reduce beating yourself up over something you can't actually help, much better for the MH.

ADHD medication is worth trying although personally I've mainly found it helpful for mood & focus but less so motivation, productivity and working memory is still crap. As they say 'Pills don't build skills' and a recent talk said medication only helps with 2 out of 6 areas of executive dysfunction.There is a lot of free ADHD coaching content online to help learn thow to work best with your brain as the neurotypical methods tend not to work for us and become frustrating/overwhelming. Many also rely on future rewards for motivation which to an ADHD brain = doesn't exist.

Thank you for sharing this - I know it takes courage to be so open about what you're experiencing. What you've described resonates deeply with many people I work with who have ADHD, and I want to address some important misconceptions straight away.

The "hyperactive" myth:
ADHD doesn't always look like bouncing off walls or being "unable to sit still." What you're describing - being physically stuck on the sofa whilst mentally knowing what needs doing - is actually a very common presentation of ADHD. It's called executive dysfunction, and it's one of the core features of the condition.

The hyperactivity in ADHD can be:

• Physical (the stereotypical restlessness)
• Mental (racing thoughts, brain constantly "on")
• Emotional (mood swings, intense reactions)
• Or it can manifest as hypoactivity - that paralysing inability to initiate tasks despite desperately wanting to

What you've described that strongly suggests ADHD:

• Task initiation paralysis - "seeing the jobs, staring at them, then back on the sofa" - this is classic executive dysfunction, not laziness
• Inconsistent social energy - exhausted by conversation but impulsively joining in with strangers - this inconsistency is very ADHD
• Working memory issues - forgetting conversations after 10 minutes
• Emotional dysregulation - swinging between breakdown and apathy
• Sleep difficulties - ADHD significantly affects sleep regulation
• Time perception issues - "the days are so long and I struggle with how long the days are" - this is a really telling statement about ADHD time blindness
• Catastrophising - anxiety and ADHD are frequent companions

Depression or ADHD (or both)?
Here's the thing - they often co-exist, and untreated ADHD can absolutely cause depression. When you're constantly battling your own brain, feeling like you're failing at basic tasks, and exhausted from the mental effort of just existing, depression is a natural response.

However, there are some key differences:

• Depression typically makes you feel nothing matters
• ADHD makes you desperately want to do things but feel unable to start them

You mention catastrophising and caring deeply about tasks you can't complete - that suggests the motivation is there, which points more towards ADHD with secondary low mood.

What I'd suggest:

1. Pursue the private assessment - what you've described warrants proper evaluation. Be honest about everything you've shared here, including the sofa paralysis rather than hyperactivity.
2. Document your experiences - before the assessment, write down specific examples of how these issues affect your daily life. Assessors need to see functional impairment, not just symptoms.
3. Don't dismiss depression - even if ADHD is diagnosed, you may need support for low mood too. They're not mutually exclusive.
4. You're not lazy - I want to emphasise this. Lazy people don't care. You clearly care deeply. Your brain is struggling with the "doing" part, not the "wanting" part.

Right now:
Life is miserable for you at the moment, and whether it's ADHD, depression, or both, you deserve support.

While you're waiting for assessment, consider:

• Speaking to your GP about the low mood and sleep issues
• Breaking tasks into ridiculously small steps (not "tidy kitchen" but "put one mug in dishwasher")
• Being kinder to yourself - your brain is working against you, not you being inadequate

You are an amazing human being. Thank you for being you.

Just add, I’m pretty sure you don’t need a medical diagnosis for work to make adjustments. You can self diagnose and receive the help.