Teeth are destroying my self esteem

[spookysoul]

My teeth have never been great, but they just get worse as the years go on. Big, wonky, sticky out, stained, the top front two are rough and damaged (enamel issue?).
I keep them clean and plaque-free, had a couple of fillings in the last few years but nothing serious. They are just so hideous and it’s having a serious effect on my mental health. I feel so ugly.
I’m embarrassed to speak to people, I feel like my teeth are massively on display as soon as I open my mouth. Sometimes when I feel like I’ve been talking/laughing a lot, I replicate to myself in the mirror and just think oh my god how absolutely hideous that must have looked to people.
I don’t smile in photos, except for a closed mouth smile which just looks naff. It breaks my heart that I have no pictures of me smiling care-free with my kids. Can’t bare to have ‘candid’ photos taken, I have to know they are happening so I can stop talking and shut my mouth. My son has a kids camera and loves to take photos of everyone, me included. He says, say cheese mommy! But I can’t, even for him. What kind of example am I setting him? It’s so sad.
The only photos I have of me smiling properly are my wedding photos, because I couldn’t help it. But I hate them so much, I look so ugly.
I had braces as a teenager, but didn’t wear my retainer long enough afterwards so they’ve slowly gone wonky again. I have thought about Invisalign but I know I’d struggle with the retainer again. I remember feeling like I couldn’t breath properly (I struggle to breath just through my nose), my mouth would be so dry and I couldn’t sleep.
But even if I did all that, and got them straight, they would still be horrible. The top front two are so stupidly big. They have rough lines on them, and some horrible brown bits at the top that aren’t just surface stains, it’s like they’ve been chipped/dented? And I think my gums are slowly receding a little bit so I don’t know what kind of treatment would work, I suppose they would need covering too.
It is literally just the front of my mouth that has problems, everywhere else is fine. I just don’t know what to do or how much longer I can go on like this. I think about how ugly I am every day. Can’t even smile at myself in the mirror without being horrified and embarrassed for myself. I’m so miserable.

You don’t know what to do? Get ‘em fixed!! Go to the dentist this week. They’ll probably recommend whitening and then veneers.

The process sounds scary but it’s painless. It’s expensive but worth it. I had my front 6 top teeth replaced with veneers in 2004. I got them done again before I got married in 2014. They still look great now. You sound so miserable, book an appointment today. By Easter you could have completely transformed your smile. Research good cosmetic dentists in your area, check out their social media pages too.

Honestly there is a really easy, painless (admittedly costly) fix to all this. If it’s just the front teeth and the back are fine, they’ll whiten all your teeth and then match the front veneers to the rest of your teeth.

Throw money at the problem. I did. £10k over about 3 years. I'm very happy now.

Nothing if going to make you feel better about them unless you do something about it. Go to the dentist and discuss best course of action.

But how can I have veneers put on over teeth that stick out so much? They’d be white & smooth but equally large and sticking out?

Composite bonding/veneers are reasonably accessible these days. Go and book a consultation (usually free) for a potential plan so you can see what kind of treatment and cost you are looking at.

I haven’t got a lot of money 😔

I was supposed to see my dentist last week but due to funding cuts I had to be moved to April! I doubt I’ll be able to ring them up and see someone soon for a consultation if I can’t even get a check up. Can I go to another cosmetic dentist even if I’m registered elsewhere?

Don't get veneers OP. They ruin the teeth under and there's no going back!
Maybe if you can't stand Invisalign you could get fixed braces for a year or however long it takes. They are not that bad! And you can spread the cost.

I am so sorry you feel like this. I could have written your post myself right down to having braces as a teen but not able to wear the retainer enough. What I do know is that others genuinely don't notice as much as you do.

I also know that vaneers may be a solution for some but I (and it sounds like you aswell) would need extensive orthodontic work before vaneers were even a possibility.

I don't have any advice as I neither could afford to throw money at the problem (stay at home carer for disabled son). It is disheartening but I am here in solidarity.

I did Invisalign style braces with diamond whites I think it was about £1500 in total, I paid £52 per month, then I used the whitening strips. I wouldn't say they are perfect because I'm rubbish at using my retainers, but I have a nice smile now that I don't mind showing off at all.

See an orthodontist, not a dentist, and listen to what they suggest. They'll have solutions to all the problems you describe. You can then think about how much treatment you'd be willing to pay for.

I could have wrote this myself, I was miserable for years. I currently have Invisalign on as I had just had enough of feeling shit about it. They feel really light, I had braces as a teenager and it feels nothing like the thick retainer they gave afterwards. After a couple of days they literally feel gummy and soft almost, then the new tray is a bit tight and then they soften up again. It's much more tolerable than i anticipated. Or maybe get bonding over them? A lady I know has got her top and bottom done and they look really nice as she couldn't be arsed with Invisalign then whitening and just wanted an instant result.

@Ahhhhhbisto I’m just so fed up of going through life scared to smile. It makes me hate myself so much.

One of my front teeth started sticking out due to loosening, gum recession, bone loss etc and I hated it, very self conscious and eventually twisted making it difficult to eat. I had a planned extraction with a false tooth on a plate. I was so happy when I left the dentist that day.

It may seem a bit drastic, but equally if your own gums/bone are more stable then an implant could work for you or you would just need a bridge rather than a plate (I already had missing teeth at the back of my mouth hence the plate).

Firstly, I doubt others have even noticed. Everyone is caught up in their own issues, just like you are!

Secondly, the important people don't notice because they don't think of you as "teeth", they think of you as friend, colleague, mum, daughter and so on. And they know what they like about you.

Thirdly, what do YOU like about you? Are you kind, persistent, a great cook, do you have a funny laugh or beautiful hair? Focus on those things.

@Summerhillsquare thank you, that’s so nice. I feel a tiny bit better. I hope you are right.
I’m not sure to be honest. I don’t like much about myself physically. But out of everything, I think fixing my teeth would make the most drastic difference. I could cope with everything else if I could just smile and not feel hideous.

It doesn’t matter if your current teeth stick out. They file them down and stick veneers over your old, filed down teeth. Exactly like a false nail.

You will have to go to a cosmetic dentist. A bog standard NHS dentist will not do this. You will have to pay.

Other posters have said not to get veneers as people get scared about having their existing teeth, completely filed down. There is no going back, you are left with stumps, but decent veneers last easily 25 years now. I eat apples every day with my veneers, they are very tough and they don’t stain. So you have to make sure your old teeth stay white as the veneers look perfect.

If you had a good whitening treatment, then say four veneers on your top teeth, you are probably looking at maybe £3-£4k but that is a guess.

Google before and after pictures of veneers. Look at some videos of them getting done in YouTube.

@Moveoverdarlin thank you, that sounds like exactly what I’d need. There’s no point just trying to straighten what I’ve got. I wish they would just fall out so I never had to look at them again.
I have sent a couple of enquiries off to cosmetic dentists in my area.

I was the same. This time last year I got a zero pc interest credit card and got my teeth fixed, all my silver fillings repaired with white. £4000 later they look good. This year I'm going to get them whitened if they will do it. It's a great confidence boost.

You need a consultation and a treatment plan from a decent dentist. They will advise you what to do. I have had one and it will cost £12k to fix everything (well, some issues with my back teeth I might leave so it will be a bit cheaper.) I am plucking up the courage.

I expect you will find they can resolve all your issues. They will probably have a payment plan too to spread the cost.

I would honestly advise talking to an orthodontist before you look into veneers. talk about your fears and hopes - and see what they suggest. Veneers are obvious and don't always look good!

I had invisilign last year - my teeth were wonky and I did not smile - now they are 100% better - it's a long journey - some dentists offer a payment plan - try that.

Op you say you don’t like much physically about yourself- are you happy in general? Do you feel positive or blue? Do you do things you enjoy, do you laugh often etc? Just because you said what example are you setting your son and I think he’ll only notice if you’re unhappy, in general he probably just thinks you’re weird over photos (in a nice way!), as for the money I’d say if you can at all get a loan but first do go to the dentist and tell them all your worries and try to get the old you back, good music, playing with your son, watching or reading things yuu op love etc. best of luck!

@stayathomer I am happy, I have a lovely comfortable life. I enjoy myself. I’m just so aware of how ugly I am. I know that’s a really strong word, but I am. Especially as I get older. I do smile and laugh a lot, and generally feel happy, but then I see a picture (where I haven’t made sure I’ve got my mouth closed) or catch sight of myself in the mirror and it all comes crashing down. As soon as I do smile/laugh with someone, in my head I’m thinking oh god I bet that looked so ugly.
And I also know that looks aren’t everything. But it’s really really chipping away at my confidence.
Fixing my teeth would definitely have the biggest impact overall, I could get over all of the other things I don’t like about my appearance if I had nicer teeth.

DP felt exactly the same as you and had veneers done a few years ago. She's much happier now, smiles much more freely and is happier to be in photos etc.

Personally, I preferred them beforehand, that was the smile I fell in love with and she looks different now, but at the end of the day her opinion is what matters and if she's happier then I'm happy, so I've never said anything.