Sleep Apnoea - How can I get my DH to take my concerns that he might have this seriously? I am worried.

[Pavlovthecat]

I have posted before about this, but cant find my old thread, so will give outline again.

DH stops breathing in his sleep for around 10 seconds or so at a time, sometimes longer, I have recently been timing them (sometimes seems longer but probably isnt). Last night I counted this occuring about 10-15 times minimum over a period of about 1-2 hours.

I have researched his symptoms, and posted on here, and it seems pretty clear that he has Obstructive Sleep Apnoea (sp?).

I first mentioned it to him while on holiday in USA earlier this year. He blamed time zones/tiredness. I told him I was concerned, he refused to talk about what it might mean/was etc, but promised that once we returned to UK we would give it two weeks and if it continued he would go to see GP.

We returned 2 months ago. I have noticed it sporadically since then, and over the last 3 weeks it has got more noticeable again so I mentioned it a couple weeks ago in passing, but a lot has been going on so it sort of got left.

So, this morning, after me listening to it much of the night, and lying there fretting and worrying, I spoke to him about it. He said there is nothing wrong with him. I said there is, told him again how he stops sleeping. He said

'10 seconds is not long to stop breathing, its just part of being asleep. You should take a look at your sleeping' (I said that I stopped breathing in my sleep I would want him to tell me immediately, he was referring to my snoring).

'It is not dangerous, it does not put pressure on my heart, or increase the risk of stroke, stop being so bloody dramatic' (when I told him the risks I was concerned about.

So. I told him he could die. I told him he could be paralysed/have reduced functions and not be able to look after/be actively involved in his DDs life if he did not look after himself now. I told him I loved him and did not want him to die, or become ill.

He said

'ffs I have only just got up, do you have to bang on about this? really? We will talk about it another time, just stop nagging will ya? (paraphrasing, that was the gist of it

I just cant get him to talk, he wont. He wont do anything about it, he wont go to GP, he wont read wesbites I have got, he wont acknowledge there is anything to be worried about.

I have tried gentle, tact and full on to the point. My GP said, 'you can take the horse to water...'? Is this the case? Can I do anything to get him to face his health issues and do something about it, to be responsible?

Am desperately worried.

You really need to get him to take this seriously, who knows how it impairs his day to day function (I am thinking driving etc). Maybe it is worth you talking to someone at The Sleep Apnoea Trust?

Honest answer is no, you can't

I had this with mine. After years of nagging I finally got him to the GP and he got a referral to the hospital. They gave him some machine to wire himself up to to test his breathing for just one night. The night he got it I was away with work. The results came back "normal" so he was signed off after being told to lose weight.

Total waste of time, so of course he won't do anything. They've told him he hasn't got a problem so that's it, AFAHC

Washersaurus - his day to day functions appear to be perfectly normal. He drives well, does not have near misses (although I do presume, maybe I should not). He does not seem overly tired, he has always been a night owl and not needed a huge amount of sleep. This has changed slightly, but we expected that as we now have a 22 month old!

He can be a bit irritable from time to time, but so can I, and he would just put his moods down to my moods, which to be honest, he does, and could well be the case.

he has no outward signs of sleep depravation.

His lifestyle is not fab. He smokes, although he has cut down a lot since DD was born. He likes a drink, but does not drink excessively too often (he does from time to time). He is a bit overweight, and refuses to exercise. Well, when I say that. He will happily go for long walks, which we do, without thinking, will go canoeing in the summer, play actively with DD without struggle, just does not do regular sport/exercise.

I just don't know how I can get him to address this.

I might have to contact the Trust, thanks for Link Washersaurus - its not been formally diagnosed tho, as he wont go to GP

Evenhope - . They just checked one night? Are they not meant to do it for like a week? At a sleep clinic from what I read, although I cant imagine our GP doing that referral. I can just imagine them now...'your overweight, lose some weight'

Think thats probably why he is not going to GP. He knows the cause, and knows what they will say

Bumping...

Pavlov, my mother suffers from sleep apnonea and it took my sister and I absolutely ages to get her to go and see the GP about it. GP was less than useless, did some blood tests, all of which came back negative, so said there was nothing wrong with her. Every time we saw DM we got more and more concerned. She would suddenly just fall asleep -- in the middle of a conversation, in the middle of lunch, etc. Eventually, after she had several falls (including falling off the toilet and bashing her head, poor thing ), she contacted The Sleep Aponea Trust who monitored her over several nights and now she sleeps with a machine to keep her airways open. Thank God!!

I hope your DH learns to realise just how dangerous this condition can be. What's more, it is so simple to rectify -- no intrusive surgery, no drugs, no painful procedures. All he will probably need to do is just wear a small mask when he sleeps. Good luck.

Record him and play it back?

TWD to be honest, he might not even need the mask, if he loses some weight, stops smoking. But if he did, its not a big deal. I just want him to be well for DD as she grows up. He is fine now, but what about in 10 years? and if we have another baby?

Heated - He just does not consider that him not breathing for a few seconds is a big deal. Its not that he denies doing it. Its that he does not recognise it is a serious problem, He thinks it is normal and the potential effects in could have on his health in the long term. He wont read the literature telling him otherwise.

bump, as I had to sleep on the sofa last night. his breathing is really irregular right now. And it concerns me.

He has no major other symptoms such as tiredness in the day etc. I do tho!

Anyone? Any reasurring piece of advice? pearls of wisdom about shaking my dh into action, or good earplugs to just sleep through it all?

No?

oh well i guess the bar and baby names are more exciting than my DH's snoring.

Sorry PAvlov - I've been away. We talked before about my Dh's sleep apnoea, which is very severe. He was not excessively sleepy, but now that he isn't apnoeic you can really tell the difference.

If he thinks it is nothing, then one overnight sleep study will sort it out whether it is or not (DHs was done in one night in a hospital), but I saw in the paper I was reading on the plane last night that theres now a home monitor thing you can buy (this was in the Daily Mail) that you stick on overnight, and then send off. No idea how accurate it is, but might be a good start.

Hi. I was in this position 7 years ago. i told dh my concerns, he did go to the GP, got referred to a sleep clinic and they told him he had moderate to severe apnoea, which they said was unusual because he was of normal weight and in this 30s. in his case, he was advised to have his tonsils out and laser surgery to his soft palate. he did this and i have to say it has been amazing. no more apnoea, much more energy in the day ( he used to fall asleep all the time and a couple of times, scarily, at the wheel of the car) and with the big bonus that he now only snores when sleeping flat on his back.

I know it's hard when somebody doesn't want to hear it, but a quick operation has really made such a difference. my brother in law also has this and has the machine to keep his airways open.

good luck.

My dh has sleep apnoea - he was told he had one of the worst cases the doctor had seen and even skipped one of the stages during the sleep trials etc. He was having 80 apnoeas per minute so he was more awake than asleep!
I was lucky that his father had it and so he knew the signs but it did take me to record him for him to realise just how bad he really was!
dh is overweight but because of the sleep apnoea he was too tired to do any exercise to help him lose weight and the doctors also said in his case losing weight wouldn't help him an awful lot, they did suggest him having hs large tonsils removed but once his sleep apnoea was diagnosed they said that it would be too dangerous for him to have an aneasthetic (sp)
He now sleeps with a CPAP machine at night and this made a huge difference and can go on journeys without falling asleep (he has never driven though) and does things as a family during the day now too

whoops - thats where DH is with his exercise, he just does not have the energy.

I say he is not overly tired, but he is lethargic. He does not exert himself, he always takes the easy option - car, get me to do it, do it tomorrow, but he never puts it down to tiredness. I always just thought he was lazy laid back, but maybe he has less energy but wont acknowledge it.

cmot - how did you get your DH to take the first step to address it?

DH just wont acknowledge a problem exists, let alone rule it out. As far as he is concerned, there is nothing to check, there is nothing wrong. End of.

It was that I could put up with the snoring when I could go to sleep before him, and not wake up in the night, but after DS was born and I got up in the night and was then trying to get to sleep with his horrific snoring, that was it. It had to stop.

And also there was a programme on the BBC about a sleep clinic at about the same time, which discussed the severity of sleep apnoea. DH was horrified when his consultant told him the risks though. His apnoea index was 86.

DHs consultant also said that most men with OSA just can't loose weight until they are treated as they just don't have the energy to persevere - DH has lost 19kg since he started CPAP.

my dd had OSA at age 2 .
i was told it had to be dealt with sasp as it overwork one side of her heart.
she had 278 desats and many more obstructive episodes in 8 hours.
its i dangerous, and must be sorted but cpap is one option they can do different surgeries too.

good luck in persuading him to seek some help

Pavlov - can you make an appointment in his name and see the doctor on his behalf? I did this once! I was ready to leave dh because of him not doing anything, I had a 3 year and a newborn and he was falling asleep at every opportunity so I made an appointment in his name and saw the gp who managed to bring his sleep clinic appointment forward by 6 months!(he did leave a message saying there would be murder if he wasn't seen sooner!!)

Sorry, hadn't been able to get back on. I thought it was odd that they only did one night. I found it very odd that the result was normal and wonder if I got the whole story

He works nights and is always falling asleep, even when he hasn't been at work for 2 or 3 nights and has had lots of sleep. As he now probably gets double the hours he used to I'm sure there is more to it.

He had a scare with chest pains last year and didn't want to go to A&E (I had to practically drag him). What is it with men?

Whoops - I spoke to my GP about it last week, when I was there anyway. She said, 'use my name if you need to, tell him he has to sort his lifestyle out, however, you can take a horse to water but you cant make him drink'

She acknowledged it could be serious if not treated, but did not really seem concerned, she felt it was more important that he stopped smoking and lost some weight.

I agree he needs to address his lifestyle, which will most likely have a major effect on his 'potential' apnea. Howevr, GP did not seem to be that interested in how I get him to recognise the potential risks if he does not do this.

cmot - I am at the stage now where I cannot sleep through it Like you, if I am already asleep, I can. But I am a light sleeper, suffer a little from insomnia, and have a 22 month old. So I do wake up at night, and then, his snoring, and the irraticness of it keeps me awake. To the point this week that I went into the front room to sleep.

I dont want to sleep in seperate rooms, and more to the point, I dont want him to become ill or die.

I am going to contact the sleep apnea ass this week and talk to them about the kit someone mentioned, the one we can buy and use at home, send it off.