Please read my story…

[jigywiggy]

Hi all ladies.. so I need some advice because my anxiety will kill me if nothing else does

i lost my daughter in 2021 due to negligence at the hospital i was 9 months pregnant and she sadly passed away at 4 days old I then got pregnant again and I had a cord prolapse at 23 weeks an I lost that baby aswell.. I had such a traumatic birth with my baby who died in 2021 I lost 5 litres of blood.. manual massage and I was generally very unwell… I also suffered 3rd degree tear…

now nearly 3 years on I wana try for a baby again I already have 3 boys .. but I have endometriosis .. adenomyosis and I have bowel incontinence .. I have been told I will be very high risk an I so badly want a baby but I am scared .. I just want to know if anyone has had high risk pregnancy’s and what there story’s are and if they mentally got through it… I have the coil in at the moment and I am on prostap injections for my endo..

also will ie even get pregnant with endo now?? My uterus repair surgery when my daughter died triggered endo off in 2021….

any advice would be appreciated ladies

thanks in advance xx

I am so sorry for your losses. How incredibly painful.

I get the impression you have so much love to give. But I wonder if that love is better directed towards yourself and the children you have now (although doing this could be painful).

These are just my thoughts. Please discount them if they don't fit or aren't helpful right now.

How awful for you and I am so sorry. But, you have three children and some hefty health issues. I would come to terms with your family being complete I think for yours and their sake.

@semideponent no it’s absolutely fine I wanted honest advice and I do think the same but a little voice comes in my head every now and then saying ‘try again’ I think it’s the mom love and my empty arms that want a baby… I do have my boys and I am fortunate to have them …

@RaininSummer yes I do think the same I think these guys need me and I can’t be so selfish to not to think about them and only think of what I want .. thanks for ur advice I really appreciate it ❤️

I know the pain of losing a child, and as much as PP are saying so, having surviving children doesn't ease that pain or prevent the want to hold your babies again. There are two things I would consider in your case - firstly, have you dealt with your grief to the point where you are looking at this as a new pregnancy, not trying to hold on to your lost babies?
Secondly, would the risk to you outweigh the need for another child? Could you justify potentially leaving your three surviving children without their mother? Or would another loss (or difficulty) trying affect your mental health in a way that means you are not parenting in a way you are satisfied with.

I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.

Sorry to hear about your losses, what a truly horrible time you have experienced.
I have suffered late miscarriages in my second trimester twice in 2018 and 2019 as well as 2 first trimester miscarriages, and I had to deliver them naturally which was awful. The second trimester miscarriages out of all of them were very traumatic and were life changing. However I then went on to have 3 beautiful boys.
I think I understand your grief to some extent. A way of me dealing with it was to continue trying to have a family, but my situation was different as I didn’t already have any children at the time. I was desperate to not be a childless woman. Getting pregnant did help me move forward in my grief but each pregnancy was very nerve wrecking and filled me with so much anxiety as I feared the same would happen again. By the third pregnancy I was less anxious though. I think if you have the energy to deal with the anxiety and if a pregnancy/ having a new baby help you move forward then that would be positive. It’s hard to describe in words but I hope I am making sense.

I get the empty arms feeling and it's truly awful but I think considering your own health issues as well as your birth problems it might be wiser to concentrate on your boys whilst getting counselling. I would be more terrified of dying myself next time tbh. So you have SANDS in your area for the counselling?

Sorry for your losses op

But if you don’t have your health you don’t have anything

Don’t risk it - I’m speaking as someone who suffered a birth injury that will impact me forever (I’ve a good mind to sue!)

I think you'd be daft to risk your life to have another baby, especially when you have kids at home who need you. I'm sorry for your losses but if I was in your situation I'd consider my family complete 💐💐💐

Thanks for all you advice .. yes this is what I say 80percent I don’t have good health and I have 3 humans who solely rely off me and there dad.. I admire my boys if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have a reason to live but I wake up with a strong mind set every day knowing there are little boys who need me and I will shower them with all my love and care .. a part of me does want a baby but I do think a lot of things even my consultant said if I want I can have a hysterectomy even though usually my age they never consider it but after reading my history he said if I wanted he will be happy with it. I suffer with daily pain with endo and then I have 20seconds to get to a loo when it time for a number 2!😣😣 hopefully having sacral nerve stimulation soon