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what is your life like if you are in your 80s?

16 replies

ElFire · 18/12/2024 18:52

Just that really. I have a big birthday coming up and thinking more about life as an older woman. So if you are in your 80s, is it as you imagined it would be? Are you physically active? Do you still do some work? Travel - alone or with friends? What's your social life like? And do you have sex? What are the best and worst aspects of later life? Obviously so many variables - not least wealth, health, life partner etc. But in my head I can't imagine life after 75, which is a bit crap of me I think.

OP posts:
PollyCreo · 18/12/2024 19:17

What's your life like? Are you fit? Can you run up stairs?

PollyCreo · 18/12/2024 19:23

My parents are in their 80s. My mum's fit, goes to the gym every day. My dad's had 2 new hips and struggles with mobility.

ElFire · 18/12/2024 19:42

I am fit. Do a lot of strength training and swimming. So hope to stay fit and be like your mum! But my own parents are very much not. They are mid 70s and inactive. I’m quite worried about their future.

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XmasElfOnTheShelff · 18/12/2024 19:52

My nan is mid 80’s.

she has friends, although a lot of them are dead now or disabled / in a care home.

she lives alone, active in that she walks her dog most days (not far) and attends a balance class once a week. Enjoys bingo and socialising most days. But a large proportion of her days are on the sofa watching tv.

she is hard of hearing and has a bad back (but always has). She’s been suffering with anxiety recently, but for the most part I’d say she is healthy and active, especially given her age.

my grandad died 30 years ago, she’s never been with anyone else.

TinklySnail · 18/12/2024 20:01

@ElFire which big birthday do you have coming up? 30?
I’m only asking because as you get older you change. You don’t see the world as you did before 50.
Stop worrying and enjoy your life. Don’t worry about reaching a mile stone that’s way off.
Also (can’t speak for everyone) sex gets less important. Might be because you’re sick to death of looking at the same man for 30+ years.
You will only understand when you get there.

OldJohn · 18/12/2024 20:10

It varies. My wife and I are both the same age, that is 77.
She is in hospital and supposed to be getting physio to get her moving. I asked about progress and they physio said she had achieved all her goals as she can transfer fron her bed to a chair using a Zimmer and one person helping.
I said that I had walked up the eight flights of stairs to the ward so why are they not wanting the same for her?
I know we are different. Everyone is different. In three years when we are 80 who knows. It is all such an individual thing.

ElFire · 18/12/2024 20:11

i am turning 50. But have not lived with a man for many years , so cant imagine having a partner when I’m older. I still have a high sex drive though and have ‘situationships’ . So curious if women still feel ‘sexual’ in their 80 and beyond or if it gradually fades away

OP posts:
TinklySnail · 18/12/2024 20:14

ElFire · 18/12/2024 20:11

i am turning 50. But have not lived with a man for many years , so cant imagine having a partner when I’m older. I still have a high sex drive though and have ‘situationships’ . So curious if women still feel ‘sexual’ in their 80 and beyond or if it gradually fades away

You still have a sex drive. I don’t know if I’m jealous or not 😂
I still think stop worrying. I’m sure you wondered the same about 50 year olds when you were younger

ElFire · 18/12/2024 20:15

@OldJohn - I agree with you - your wife should have physio to help her walk up several flights of stairs . Hope she gets stronger soon

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TouchtheEarth · 23/05/2025 02:19

My dear parents (both deceased) said life went drastically downhill once they were in their 80s as various bodily systems began to stop functioning.
I don't think I want to get that old.

Lifealwaysthrowsacurvedball · 23/05/2025 03:20

I am only 70 but have noticed a massive change between my early 60’s and now.

I am still physically active, trying to walk every day, but struggle with high heat / humidity and extreme cold.

Work ended for me at 60 following a serious health issue. Despite my career being high stress, I was desperate to return to work to bridge the income gap between 60 & 66, but a whole raft of drug reactions to the NICE drug protocol for my condition put paid to that, and has meant my retirement financial planning has been blown out of the water. Downsizing was the only way to release capital to bridge the gap.

Brexit clipped my wings, preventing thoughts of retirement in Europe, solo travel and long visits to friends.

And Covid added to the misery. Lockdown may have been bearable for some but if you were deemed ‘vulnerable’, widowed relatively young and living alone, it was a miserable soul destroying experience.

However, all of that pales into insignificance alongside the societal changes we are currently experiencing. Our Politicians seem to think they can lie and cheat with impunity, the NHS is in freefall, scamming is becoming a massive issue, trust and respect seem to be a thing of the past and the media inject fear into our lives by telling us on a daily basis that Nuclear War is imminent. They along with the current government, also seem intent on pitting generation against generation.

No wonder anxiety has become so prevalent.

And I, for one, have found my life totally derailed by that anxiety. I may have travelled the world solo in my younger years, but now I am fearful of driving on a Motorway. I dread any kind of house issue that necessitates finding a tradesperson to deal with it, ditto having to deal with a Utility company or financial institution and don’t get me started on the NHS. Having recently sat for 23 hours in A&E with a suspected Heart issue, turned up for surgery to hear that the CT scans have been lost and been on a priority waiting list for four years, I have just given up.

Actually, that pretty much describes my current mental state. It has just all become too much.

As a teenager in the 60’s, fighting to change the lot of women in our post war world, I never envisaged that this was what my life would look like at 70. And despite planning, working and saving to be self sufficient during old age, life clearly had other plans.

The advice I would give following my experiences, is ensure you live every moment you can while you still have youth and health. Both are so precious. Don't focus on what old age will be. You can’t predict it and regardless of what you plan it is very unlikely to play out as you envisage.

GarlicPile · 23/05/2025 04:26

I had ace plans for my old age! You guessed - it all went pear-shaped. Stuff happens that you weren't prepared for, or thought you were but it turns out you got it wrong.

Once past your mid-sixties or thereabouts, you start to realise why all your old people went on about health being the most important thing. Annoyingly, that's another thing you might have thought you'd prepared but discover it has a life of its own. You can't actually prevent ill health.

There's obviously a fair amount you can do, and you should, but there's even more that's sheer luck. I got one of those 'probably autoimmune' chronic conditions that's disabling and has been significantly life-limiting since my early sixties. My parents were bouncing around into their late eighties, then they had strokes. All these kinds of things become more likely as we age, and we don't recover like we did when younger.

On the other hand, it is true that our perspective changes. Mine looks like a "life not worth living" through younger eyes but, actually, it's okay. I can't afford some of things that would make it much better - I'd love a helper to sort things out for me, for instance - but that's due to the earlier pear-shaped developments and I've had long enough to get over my disappointment.

In short: you really can't tell whether you'll be one of the 90-year-olds hiking over the Alps and knocking back the aquavits of an evening, or if you'll get poleaxed by something unexpected. I can promise you that you'll feel more relaxed about whatever does happen. Until then, shore up your finances as solidly as you can, keep exercising, eat a varied and sufficient diet, nurture your relationships and stay interested in the world.

Flossflower · 23/05/2025 05:31

It really does depend from person to person. A lot of it is genetics. How did your parents get on?
I also think it depends on your weight, if you smoke, if you drink too much or if you are generally a happy person.
I know a 95 year old who spent most of the evening a recent wedding on the dance floor but this is not typical.
Edited to say that it also depends on how well off you are. People in rich areas live very much longer than people in poor areas.

Musicaltheatremum · 23/05/2025 08:29

My dad still swam and went to the gym until COVID hit when he was 88. He could still run up a flight of stairs. Mum up until her last few months was fit and able too. Able to walk fast and they still went on walking holidays.

I'm 61 and retired in mid 2023. One of the biggest things I do is the gym for 90 minutes 4 times a week. I'm much stronger and the weight is coming off. I see this as important for maintaining my mobility though I am stiffer in my knees but think a lot of that is weight related.

We can't prevent everything but if your muscles are the best they can be then any decline is from a higher level of function so less dramatic

My dad doesn't have a downstairs loo so goes up and down stairs several times a day. He's 93

Myoldbear · 23/05/2025 08:36

If you look at the 'Good Morning' thread on Gransnet you can see what quite a few people mostly aged 60 to 80 something get up to.

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