Scared and alone

[ChicAzureMoose]

I'm sat alone at home after the worst few days. I think I'm going to get confirmation soon that i have malignant melanoma that may have been present for a while. Im having other issues that may suggest it has spread and I'm so scared. I feel so very alone.

there are people here who will listen and talk . Do you want to say any more? what makes you think you will get that diagnosis?

Your not alone, why do you think it's going to be bad news, waiting is always scary xx and stessful.

My gp has referred me after finding something that is most likely a problem. I was sent immediately to hospital to try to get surgical opinion and tests but the gp messed up the referral and hospital was a mess so they didn't want to deal with me. My bloods were normal but I'm in so much pain. I'm just stuck in limbo getting nowhere with the nhs and desperately trying to get seen privately because I'm so desperate. Googling late at night, alone, has ruined the exhausted calm I was desperately trying to hold on to. I cant stop crying. It has been a tough few days.

The dermatology referral only offered me 1 hospital but it said there were no appointments on offer. I think I was calm that skin cancer might be easy to fix at least, but after googling I can see it might not be. I think I'm just have been hit by the real possibility that this could be very serious. I just started panicking.

I have had many a scare, mine turned out to be. A benign cyst, fatty tissue , try not to worry, the Dr is dotting the I and crossing the t, hospital can't just send you off a mammogram or scan can see something, but be positive your bloods came back normal 😀

I have a lot of symptoms that suggest something serious is wrong and the lesion my Dr spotted is what has caused the most concern. I'm having severe bowel issues now that have been getting worse over 2 weeks. The main area of pain in my stomach/bowel pain is directly behind where the lesion is.

The hospital weren't going to do any further tests. They wanted to just send me away with pain killers and wait to see dermatology. He eventually relented and said he would do it as an outpatient appointment but I could be waiting a long time to be seen as he didn't consider it urgent, even though he acknowledged the lesion might be cancer. He just seemed to lose interest in doing anything when he found out I had a dermatology referral. When I called today to find out what the scan was,so I could investigate if I could afford to go privately, I was told he had requested the scan as urgent. It has been so hard to get any straight answers or move forward with it from anyone.

I know it's easy for me to say but try not to Google.

DH had various issues a few years ago and his GP was concerned. This sent me spiralling, I wasn't sleeping and spent hours and hours "researching". All of the testing seemed to take forever and we had a few appointments cancelled last minute. In the end he was given the all clear. We never did find out why he had the initial symptoms but stress definitely caused some of the later ones.

It could be that you're having bowel issues due to the worry and stress too?

Unfortunately I've had the bowel issues for 12 days before I even knew about the possibility of cancer. I went to the GP expecting advice on easing symptoms of possible ibs. Even though it is nothing like any issues I've had before, only having minor ibs issues very occasionally. Usually just triggered by food and gone with a day or two. The gp found the lesion while checking my stomach. The lesion looks exactly like malignant melanoma pictures online.

The hospital was overrun, understaffed and flooded, which took scanners out of action for a while. So I just don't think they wanted to add me to the numbers of people already waiting because I was being referred to dermatology,but now I havent even been able to get a derm appointment.

My GP (not the one who sent me to hospital) is refusing to refer me for private tests because he isn't comfortable relaying the private radiologists report to me afterwards. So I would have to get a private gp appointment first, which is just adding days or weeks on to my wait for answers. The private hospital says there is no reason why he can't, especially as he thinks I should have more tests.
It has been really stressful having to try to get things moving in the right direction.

What a messy and frightening situation for you. Call MacMillan today for advice. Come back and tell us how you're getting on.

I deleted my account last night, as I was spiralling a bit. Thought not thinking about it might help. It didn't.

I barely slept but I did call MacMillan. Spoke to a lovely Scottish nurse. He gently shouted at me for googling and made me promuse to stop. He was very lovely and stayed talking as long as I needed. He gave me advice and explained a few things to me.

By the time I hung up I was feeling a lot calmer and the pain in my chest had subsided.
I'm cuddling my grandson now and going to try to have an early night and get some rest.
Still have my tree to decorate tomorrow. It looks a bit sad sat in the corner bare.

@ThatSunnyTealEagle , I'm so glad MacMillan have helped. They helped me, and I was impressed that they'll keep your details if you want them to, so that if you contact them again you won't have to explain everything from scratch. Also glad you have a grandchild handy for cuddling. I hope you can get some sense out of your doctors about the next step.

How are you going @ThatSunnyTealEagle ??