My Dad has just been told his cancer has spread to his spine. FIL died two weeks ago, just can't believe this is happening

[drivinmecrazy]

My Dad has had cancer for past four years. Started in colon, then secondaries in his liver. as soon as this was sorted, cancer appeared in his lung. He has been having on going treatment to control it. Today he went back to his specialist after scans last week and has been told he has tumours on his spine. he now has to wait while he is sent to another specialist in London. FIL died 2 weeks ago and am now just wondering when it's all going to end. Any one know anything (good or bad) about spine cancer? His (superb) consultant is at a loss as to why the cancer has progressed as it has, despite having all the latest treatments at every stage (he is private so has access to any drugs treatment his consultant thinks might help). I have two small girls, so feel so very sad for them possibly losing 2 grandfathers in a short space of time. i am at a complete loss to know what to think.

I don't know what to say, except I am so sorry
Lost my sister to cancer a few years ago. It started as breast cancer, which was treated for and got the all clear from, only to be told a few years later that it had spread to her spine.
Thinking of you xx

I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your family. Post as much as you wish to - there will always be support for you here. x

I'm so sorry for your news drivinmecrazy. It's just so hard feeling everything is out of your control. I lost my MIL and then my Mum to cancer in the space of 18 mths and had exactly the same thoughts about my dc's losing both grandmothers. All I can suggest is that you continue to create happy memories for your daughters of their time spent with grandad. Fingers crossed, they'll have plenty of time for this.

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I don't have anything helpful to say on the medical side, but wanted you to know I too am thinking of you.

drivinmecrazy, so sorry to hear that. My stepfather has lung cancer and he is currently in hospital undergoing tests to see if it has spread to his spine. We are all very worried of course but from what I've read on the internet, spine cancer actually responds very well to treatment. No idea if that is correct and obviously every case is different and would depend on many other factors but try and keep positive. Let's hope this is another hurdle he can overcome. It sounds like he's been through a lot and has done well to get by so far. Thank God he has access to such good medical support. Hope you get good news from the specialist.

drivenmecrazy am so sorry that all this is happening to you, I have no experience of cancer of the spine though.

am in a similar position re my mum, she started with bowel and colon cancer then breast and lymph nodes, ovarian and now shadows in lungs and abdomen

this has all been within the last 6 yrs and am about at my wits end as we have run out of treatments and options

can I ask, esp as he is private, is he being referred to a genetisist too? mum has had tests done and we'll find out in a few months if there is something that needs checking in my brother too (I'm adopted so not affected)

please ask, I don't mean to add to your worries but it is worth looking into as certain cancers can be heriditory - colon being one of them

agree with summer111 post, giving them all the lovely memories with their grandfather is a great idea, its certainly what we are trying to do when she is feeling strong enough to do it

fingers crossed for good news, he sounds like a strong man who puts up a good fight

onceinalifetime, I have also been reading up on the internet and it did seem quite positive, but now I'm terryfied of him spending his last days in a wheel chair. Think i feel even worse because i would usually phone my Mum but she's at their house in Spain, and I can't really talk to MIL with all she's dealing with so feel pretty bereft (and sorry for myself). Had to tell DH, who is in a terrible state. Seems the only one really dealing with it is my Dad. After seeing 2 1/2 DD blowing kisses to her grandad's coffin last week, can't bear the thought of them going through that again. 7yo DD is sooo close to my Dad so can't imagine what she will go through if the worst happens.

dizzy, yes he is part of a special survey monitoring family members, so we have been tested.
So sorry to hear about your mum, it all seems so cruel that one person can be dealt so many blows. I always thought cancer was either cured or not, I wasn't prepared for this four year roller coaster of hurdles and bridges, it seems never ending. Just as we think we are past the worst something else appears. Dad has said he may get to the point when he doesn't want any more treatment, because at times his quality of life is so low and its only the chemo that is keeping him going.
On a positive note, these last few years has given us all some fantastic memories that I'm sure we would never have appreciated if he was not enduring this.

I know how you feel we went into it all very naive here. For her first bowel/colon it was all cleared up with an op although she has suffered terribly from adhesions and had several ops since. her breast/lymph was chemo and radiotherapy which was also very successful and the chemo didn't have too horrible side effects on her

more ops for bowel etc in between have weakened her and then this last lot of chemo for the ovarian thing has wiped her completely, she now sleeps about 16-18 hrs a day and as she is about 2hrs away from us we make sure we are there at about tea time after she has had a sleep in the afternoon so she can spend some time with the girls

she's never smoked, never drinks and is the one out of ALL of us who looks after herself the most

how on earth does it happen this way?

we are now onto pallatitive care (sp sorry?!) and a hormone treatment but as you say, through out it all we have had time which is a luxury that some people aren't afforded

can I ask where abouts you are, we have Maggie's centres near to us which are wonderfully supportive to family and friends as well as the patients themselves

maggies centre

am so glad that you're all be looked after too, please make sure you're never in any doubt though, its such an important thing and such easy tests to have done

drivinmecrazy, it's strange how the person who's suffering the most is the one who seems to cope the best. My stepfather has been in good spirits but my mum is so upset.

I think bone cancer can be painful, my stepfather is certainly in a lot of pain and has had no treatment yet (long story, every possible mistake made and medical negligence case pending). Hopefully your Dad will get pain relief as necessary without any issues or delay whatsoever and that won't be an issue for him. I think it's radiation treatment that's used for spine cancer.

I know what you mean about your dcs - I think I finally understand the concept of taking one day at a time and making the most of that time. It will be extremely sad but children are very resilient. I lost my Dad at 7 and I do remember it and it was a sad time but I wasn't as inconsolable then as I would have been when I was older. Remember children will see all us adults as 'old' whatever our age and be more accepting. My Dad was 40 and I couldn't understand at the time why everyone was saying that he died young.

sorry to hear about your FIL and now your dad. i lost my mum to lung cancer earlier this year, only two and half years after my dad died. My 6 year old DS has been quite badly affected by it. My mums illness took nearly two years to finally beat her though, so we did have lots of time to spend with her, making happy memories for all of us, and especially DS.

I don't know anything about spinal cancer or what the prognosis might be for it, but fingers crossed it is treatable and he can spend as mush time as possible with his family.

take care x

Oh drivemecrazy I am so sorry to hear this. So sad. I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer last summer and have a secondary on my liver. I know what you mean about the endless going on and on. I hope you can find some good palliative care.

Spinal cancer doesn't have to be as bad as it sounds. MIL was diagnosed with this years ago, and is still going strong. It did flare up just over a year ago and ended up paralysing her legs, as the tumour was pressing against whatever bit it is that makes you move your legs, but she managed to get movement back through physio and is still living alone, though using a wheelchair.

Isn't it incredible the journeys that people travel. Just when you think you can't go on you find strength from some where. It is such a comfort to me that others are on similar journeys and to hear you all sharing your stories. It is so hard for my friends to know what to say or do because they can't possibly imagine themselves dealing with it, so the easiest thing to say when they ask how we're doing is 'fine' when all you want to do some days is cry or scream.

I'm the same everytime, its now got to the stage am worried people think I'm either making it up or piling it all on as surely nobody can go through that much in such a short space of time

sigh, they can and do and it takes its toll on everyone but you have to live as if its not going on or you'd go out of your mind

cry or scream at me anytime you like, I fully understand why

my mother's cancer spread to her spine and from there to the lungs and brain. It was painful for her.

Very sorry to hear about your dad

we had the impressions doctors really don't know that much about cancer and how it may develop. I hope that your dad has a good long life ahead of him yet and that the treatments offered to him will help. Cancer does seem to affect people very differently and vary greatly in the way it progresses

Oh love.

I know nothing about spine cancer (my grandparents died from lung and/or breast cancer) but I wanted to wish you all the best and please let us know if there is anything we can do.

Hi DMC, just wanted to say how sorry I am about your dad and FIL My brother had primary bone cancer that was mainly in his spine - I'm sorry to say that what he had was very unresponsive to treatment, but afaik secondary cancers in the bone are not the same as primaries (i.e. your dad's cancer will still basically be colon cancer but in his bones) so am really hoping treatment options are better for him.

Re. being frightened of him ending up in a wheelchair, I do know exactly where you're coming from here as I was terrified of my brother having to go through this. As it happened he did end his life in a wheelchair, but (like cory's MIL) he found it much less difficult than we had anticipated - he stayed in his home, was quite mobile and was also surprisingly comfortable. He spent 6 months or so in a wheelchair and it was only the final few weeks, when his health suddenly rapidly deteriorated, that were bad.

Wishing you and yours all the very best - enjoy making memories together, and stay positive if you can x

I'm very sorry to read your news.

If you are looking for information on the internet I would suggest that you have a lokk at the CancerBacup and Macmillan sites, they are both very honest and very grounded sites. If you are looking please remember that you fathers tumours in the spine are secondaries to his colan cancer and not primary cancer of the spine.....I know that sounds nit picky, but it does make a difference to the possible tratments sometimes.

If the news is bad (and I hope it isn't) then I would urge you to get in ontact with the Macmillan nurses in your area asap.

My dh has terminal cancer, and they are doing amazing things to help to keep him pain free, and with as high a quality of life as possible, for as long as possible

Don't know what to say, really, but so sorry to hear your news.

Please let us know if there is anything we can do ...