Anybody know much about stoma care, after bowel surgery?

[triplets]

Hi,
My Dh is coming home today after his big op, trying to trawl thru the net mainly looking for more info on diet for him, seems abit confusing, just wonder if anyone can help lease?

[triplets]

Hi Oj,
Thank you Oj, thinking of me when you have sooooooooo much to do and think about! Wonder woman!! I am frazzled tonight, long story, long day! Stoma nurse came this morning and spent an hour, she was lovely and we learnt alot, shell come back next week. Had the inlaws from London to visit, they stayed 6 hours, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, left without a single thank you for entertaining and feeding them all day! Family eh Oj? Kids played me up all night, only just gone to sleep, Becca almost had the house on fire making some toast, grrrr! H looks alittle better, managed to get him to eat a tiny bit of food, the nurse said he really must, even if its only a couple of mouthfus every two hours. Because of the inlaws he didnt get enough rest today, so is fast asleep now, in fact asleep since 9.30pm, which is where I should be too! Hope you are ok, love to you all xxx

[bellavita]

Hi Triplets, did H receive DH's e-mail?

Inlaws - I know how you feel.

I remember when DH came out of hospital when he had stoma done and his Mum was here - supposedly to give me support and help out with her son and grandsons. She did nothing to help. She was waited on hand and foot whilst I did the then nursery run, worked - worked evenings so boys were in bed before I went out, looked after DH.

She was sleeping in our spare room with a double bed. My parents were coming to stay (thank good) and she was insisting on still staying - hello - where did she think my parents were going to sleep? In the end, I had to ring one of DH's sisters to come and get her so she could say to her Mum it was time to go.

Sorry DH if you have read this - but I think you probably know anyway how I felt.

My little rant over - how is H today?

[triplets]

Hi Bellavita.............Its not been a good day here, Sat, kids home, phone ringing and more visitors, all unexpected. Its very sweet of people to want to come to see him, but its too much for him. He is still not wanting to eat, has had very little food today, 4 tiny new potatoes with butter and melted cheese, thats all. Also been trying to do things he shouldnt so has got stroppy with me, just things like picking up a round garden table!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kids have been a real handful, I am finding it hard not to snap, and this is just the beginning. He hasnt been on here for a couple of days, so I will make sure he does in the morning, its very sweet of your DH to mail him, its just the support he needs atm, so please thank him for me. xxx

[bellavita]

DH said H needs to keep an eye on his fluids as this is probably why he feels sick - dehidrating. H needs to eat little and often even if it is just a bag of crisps. Jelly is another good food to eat whether it is in cube form or made up with water as it helps thicken.

It is all about trying different foods and finding what helps.

Just read your post out to DH - with the bit about the table and he said straight away "sounds familiar".

It was three weeks after DH's op (xmas day) before he felt normal, or as near to it.

Think you are going to have to ignore the kids being a handful (do you think it seems they are being more than a handful because DH not well?) and just concentrate on getting him better. Yes it is the beginning, but a new one.

[bellavita]

Hello Triplets - how are you, kids and H doing?

[shouldbeworking]

Hi Triplets..just to let you know I'm still thinking of you and your family. Hope everything is going ok.

[triplets]

Hi,
Today has been a nightmare. Bellavita H recd your DH mail and I believe has replied, he isnt normaly into things like that, but then everything isnt normal!H e hs been sooooooooooo stroppy today, will not eat, does not drink enough and is telling me he will eat and drink when he feels like it. This morning he had asked a friend to take him down to his allotment, just to have a look at it, get some air for 10 mins, in the end he didnt go because he went to wash and sort himself out and he was too shaky to shave, shouted at me to phone Rosie and he went back to bed, 10am -1pm. Got up, looked dreadful, I offered him a drink, your DH had said Lucozade Sports were good, got him some, no he didnt want a drink, food? 17 hours without any, no! So I said I was abit cross, he wasnt sick, felt it yes, but he must eat a tiny amount every couple of hours, so he went back to bed for another three hours! Kids get told off for turning the back garden into an air raid shelter(school w/end homework)so I took them off for an ice cream, then to the park, called at the local garden centre and bought him some plants to cheer him up!Got home at 4.45pm nd he was just getting up. Would have nothing to eat or drink, I was making our usual Sunday roast which he normaly has two plates of, at 6pm he pours himself a gin and tonic! So I called the kids at 6.30pm for supper and then he actually sat with us and had a very small roast dinner, but it was food and I was so pleased! Then we all watched telly for a bit, then he started to getstroppy with me again and I am afraid I couldn`t hack it, started having palpatations, suffered with then since Matthew died, so I left them all watching Raiders of the lost Ark, went into the kitchen, downed a tumbler of Tio Pepe, then left them and went next but one to my neighbour and drank half a bottle of red wine!!!Got back at 10pm, boys in bed, one asleep and Becs helping her Dad, all in bed now fast asleep. I feel so bad snapping at him today, but this is soooooo hard on me too, especially with three 10 yr olds!

[bellavita]

Trips - you may think I am being a bit cold and callous here, but H sounds just as bloody stubborn as my DH - stop asking him if he is ok, what he wants, how he is (for a while anyway) and let him get on with it in his own way. If you don't, then you are going to run yourself into the ground worrying - believe me been there, done that - no point. Just put the food on the plate and leave it at that.

If he wants to go 17 hours without food then so be it.

I wish I knew you in rl and lived near each other.

[triplets]

Hi Bellavita, thats exactly what I feel like doing, he has been so horrible to us today, and I know he is feeling awful but I am so desperately trying to help.By 8pm I couldn`t hack it, started getting palpatations, and drank a tumbler of Tio Pepe then went next but one with a bottle of red! Came back at 10pm and he was ok, now I feel guilty for snapping at him, he is the one who has cancer but it is sooooooooo hard for me and the kids.

[bellavita]

He probably desperately wants things back as they were before he became ill. No man likes to be dependent on their wife, it hurts their pride too much so their way of coping is to be bloody horrible even if it means upsetting you along the way.

It will get better honestly.

[triplets]

Yes, I know it will..............nothing stays the same, losing Matthew 14years ago told me that, I feel soooo angry about it all, 14 years to get from there to here, kids only have 1 more year at primary school, life should be getting abit easier, now all of this! Its very hard on them , they keep me going, bless them.

[shouldbeworking]

Triplets...Your Dh sounds so like mine. My Dh was in hospital for 4 weeks after his op because his fluid balance was all over the place and he had a drip to prevent dehydration. I remember him getting very stroppy with me and telling me not to nag. All I was doing was trying to encourage him to eat/drink something. He actually said that he felt that he deserved sympathy and not nagging and not to bother going to see him if I was going to nag. I left the ward that day in tears. But quite honestly he was feeling sorry enough for himself with out me adding any more pity.
I think my dh got caught in a trap of not wanting to eat because he felt so cp but feeling cp because he wasn't eating. And also being scared to eat because of the effect food might have on his stoma. Full on vicious circle.
I happened to notice that dh was in particularly bad pain after a certain injection they were giving him. I mentioned this to one of the nurses and asked about side effects of medication. She dismissed this but I wasn't convinced so went home to look up medication's side effects. Of the listed side effects Dh had all but 2 of them.Also having looked up what it was prescribed for couldn't really see why he was on it. (neither could dh's uncle who is a consultant although not gastro) I went back to ward and saw a different nurse who agreed to review his meds with dr. They agreed to stop medication and, maybe coincidentally, Dh improved from that day. From my point of view it felt good to be doing something constructive to help. I've never been one of life's natural nurses and find an unwillingness to help oneself very frustrating. Dh seemed to be wallowing in selfpity and I also had his mum seemingly encouraging him to feel sory for himself with the whole "poor you "bit which I felt Dh really didn't need.
Try what bella suggests and just be there if he needs you. But it's good that you've had a break away...hope the tio pepe/ red wine combo doesn't have any bad results....would cause a killer migraine for me!!!!!
Off to bed now but goodnight and here's hoping tomorrow is better

[bellavita]

DH just reminded me about the food situation when he came out of hospital. I got all upset the first few days - that I had gone to the trouble of cooking and it was not eaten.

So I just went to M&S, bought a load of ready meals (which we never buy, I cook from scratch) and then he could have a look at what he might fancy, so very little effort on your part but he has had something which hopefully he will enjoy. I also bought lots of snacky things aswell that he could pick at.

I also got some really nice ice lollies in for him to suck on.

You have had a lot to cope with and I honestly could not imagine how it would be to lose a child.

[triplets]

No, I am licky that I never get side efffects, I don`t normally drink ,go weeks witout a glass of anything, but was soooooooooooooo wound up tonight, that it helped and I willsleep. Sleep........with one ear on the trio and one ear on the patient and tinnitus ringing loudly as well!! See, I am feeling better already

[triplets]

excuse spelling mistakes....its the pc....not me

[triplets]

Its hell, 14years of hell, 14 years of pain and tears and missing him. T othis day we have no medical explanation why he died that morning, such a wonderful, special boy, how I miss him.

[bellavita]

Well I am going to bed now. Have asked my boys not to get up at some ridiculous hour tomorrow but as usual it will go in one ear and out of the other.

By the way, I asked DH if he had received H's e-mail and he said he had. I said how is he then and he said H said he is doing ok.

[shouldbeworking]

I have a pc just like that...keeps putting spelling mistakes in for me
Really am going to bed this time ....nite

[bellavita]

forgot to say to you.

[triplets]

We must go to bed, I have two weeks to read my book club book, all my fellow friends are single professional girls who do not have children, they pick a book, 4" thick and say meet in two weeks,aghhhhhhhh! I do love reading, but this book is sooooooooooo boring! Thank you Bellavita and your Dh, just for being there, you don`t know how much it has helped me, esp today. xxx

[bellavita]

Morning Triplets - how is everything today?

[triplets]

Hi Bellavita,
H is off today to have the clips out, they have been annoying him the last couple of days! Please thank John for me, his messages have been such a help to Harry, Harry isnt one for ever sending e-mails so this is a first! He was much better yesterday, has started to eat more regularly, tiny amounts, but its progress. We had words on Sat, he was really overdoing it, trying to do little jobs, like lifting sacks of rubbish etc! He wouldnt eat, so I ended up storming off with the kids, think though it kicked started him into action, he made more effort yesterday. My worry atm is alcohol. Before all this he in my book drank too much, 3 large G&Ts or whiskys every night plus 2 large glasses of red wine. He then of course had to go without whilst in hospital, but within three days of coming home has started having a drink a night, only one at atm but I know him so well, it will creep up if I am not careful. I am soooooooooo worried about his liver, but he just thinks I am being a nag. What to do? This morning I have written a shopping list, he has added ginger wine to it, which meand he wants a whisky, if it was going to be one I wouldnt mind, but I know as he feels better it will increase. I voiced my worries over this to the stoma nurse in the hospital and she said she would have a discreet word with him, whether she did or not I dont know. I would be glad of your advice!

[hazygirl]

hi triplets love to you and your lovely family,go glad to hear harry is recovering,big big hugsxxx

[bellavita]

Glad the eating side is looking more positive.

On the doing jobs side, I think you are going to have to let H decide on what he can and can't do I'm afraid. His body will tell him when to stop.

DH was off work for about six weeks but he went back two weeks before his sicknote ended - so I know how you feel, they are just so stubborn. He does a 70 mile round trip to work and has a desk job but he was absolutely buggered for the first month (although he would not admit it in so many words).

DH will have a look at what you have written when he comes home from work. I tried to copy and paste it onto messenger but when I rang him he informed me that he had a new machine (works in IT) and had only just set it up so had not received my message.

H will probably feel a lot better now he has had the clips out.

I am at work tonight, so if I come on this thread, it will be DH under my name - he will probably say this though.

[triplets]

Hi Bellavita, thanks for that, you are right, I think it is no good me saying anything despite the fact I am worried and scared about all this. I think if there were not secondaries I certainly wouldn`t be so concerned, but its his liver I am so worried about. A friend of mine who is a nurse, married to a doctor has just said basically to leave him to it, its his body and he will feel the side effects! Harry would go mad if he knew I was discussing this! The alcohol issue I mean!