Burn out and trying to recover.

[Needanadultgapyear]

I have a senior leadership role in a clinical setting. My clinical industry ballooned during Covid and has then gone on to suffer serious lack of workforce and now huge downturn as our patients are now well 3 to 4 year olds who don't need us as much. This combined with my individual work place suffering additional challenges.
I have managed the team through out this, the end of last year and beginning of this year I was bullied as well and in among all of this my husband had a heart attack and triple bypass.
I handed in my notice and negotiated a short notice period based on the fact that I think I am suffering burn out.
My husband and I have agreed I won't work at all for a month to give myself a chance to recover. But I grew up on a farm and hard work and just getting on with it was the expectation so I feel that I will be perceived as lazy for taking this time and that actually I should be doing something worthy.
I know I should class trying to recover as my job, but I can't get my head round that and I just feel like I have failed. A lot of my days are spent constantly feeling on the edge of tears. I feel lost and sad.
Thank you for reading.

I think you would benefit from some good counselling to address your underlying need to achieve and these feelings of guilt and shame you have for simply resting when your body needs it. You need to recover in the same way that you need to recover from a physical illness but I assume you wouldn't feel guilty for resting if you'd just had major surgery?

There are also a lot of books on burnout - I've not read them so can't recommend but that might be a good starting point.

I’ve found guided meditation really helpful and use the Headspace App for this. I also draw myself up a daily plan but it incorporates time for reading and other activities that I find relaxing. I think it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by actually having time on your hands and no demands after being in such a stressful place.

I’d make a plan, so you have things to do that give you the sense of purpose, but the things on the plan need to be good for you. So, eg, 9-10, coffee and a good book. 10-11, yoga class. 11-11:30, walk home from yoga through the autumn leaves. Try something new, eg flower arranging, sewing, mindful colouring - something where your hands are kept busy.

make a daily plan. Include daily exercise, catch ups with friends and family in person or over Skype, book reading, long baths, meal planning.

Join a local gyms exercise classes, try yoga

meditation Is also good

I suffered burn out this year too (senior manager, social work) and had almost 5 months off work to recover. I remember when I went off sick initially being overwhelmed with guilt for taking 2 weeks off and struggling to come to terms with needing this and not being resilient and strong enough to cope. I had some excellent therapy during my time off, did lots of self work, journalling, exercise etc, tried new things. It was super hard, I have never cried so much in the first few months, I think when I stopped it became apparent how unwell I was. But over time I have rebuilt my resilience and come to much better understand my drivers and really understand how much of it was me and how much was the organisation. A lot of stuff from my childhood came up that sat behind some of my choices and behaviours in work that I needed (continue to need to work through) I genuinely feel like it was best thing that could happen to me as I feel so much more in control of my life and so much better place but it was really hard work and it took time, work and patience to get there. If you can afford to maybe don't put a specific timescale on your recovery just say you're taking a short break to remove the pressure of, I must be well in a month. Do please try and find a counsellor who can work with you through this.

I think you are right I am looking forward to not feeling like constant firefighting, but I am overwhelmed by the lack of structure.
You are all suggesting the same thing a gentle plan to help recuperate.
I know I am a type A1 person and that hard work, loyalty and organisation are some of my main core values - it has taken 6 months of career coaching to hand in my notice.
Off to look up some yoga/pilates classes.

I'm a workaholic who had years out of the workplace with ME. The thing that really helped me was to think of myself as a Victorian invalid. Sometimes sitting down looking at the garden really was all I could manage and I worked on taking pleasure in it. Yes to meditation. Get well ❤️‍🩹

Please just be kind to yourself, as kind as you are to others. Your strong work ethic has driven you to keep going, perhaps to the point where you find yourself now, exhausted. Thrown into that you've experienced a huge life event with your husbands health. I wonder who you think might perceive you as lazy...is it your inner voice? What advice would you give to someone you love? Would you tell them to keep on going and be miserable or take time out to recover and decide on priorities? If you can, don't set a timescale on recovery (1 month). Allow yourself the time to recover and start actually wanting to explore the world of work again. I have been through this and rediscovered energy, happiness and the time allowed me to really think about what my passions were and find roles that fulfilled me without that terrible exhaustion and feeling of dread every day. Don't get me wrong, financial income also had to be in the mix. But I would rather live a simple, frugal life that is happy than live a life driven by high expectations. You know life can turn upside down in the blink of an eye; treasure every day you and your husband have and enjoy the little things. I've read that nobody on their deathbed wishes they'd worked more. Sending love and a huge hug. 😘

So good to read you are in a better place x Tough times, although super painful, really can be transformational and allow personal growth can't they? Wishing you the very best

I think a lot of us in similar industries are put upon as we are naturally caring people as well as being A1 and managers rely on us not wanting to let people down as a method of them not having to solve the problems.
I acknowledge that some of my issues come from me waiting for people to offer help rather than me asking for, but equally I have been telling my manager for several months that I am not okay, but yet a meeting last week started with how are you, I'm you know I am not okay I keep telling you this.

It is my day off today and after reading your first comments I used my private health insurance to access so mental health support. I think the first step maybe.

Well done. I am a driven over-achiever myself and when I first went for counselling I told the counsellor that it felt too self-indulgent to be going for counselling! I still cringe at that now. Just many many years of not taking care of myself.

Not helped by the reaction of others though. One "friend" said how much she would enjoy the "luxury of talking about herself" for an hour a week. Unhelpful!!!

I think this is such a barrier that people see it as indulgent.
I love my team, but feel hugely angry at the higher team despite my industry having a truly appalling record of suicide ( world wide it is the highest risk industry) that they continue to rely on Uk legislation that the individual clinician is personally responsible for the care of individual patients to keep clinical leadership papering over the cracks and constantly putting their own mental health at risk, Too much has been asked of me again and again,

You’ve taken a really positive step in giving yourself a chance to recover. Can you start doing things you enjoy - walks, books, some exercise. Try not to worry what people think. If anything they probably think good for you.

You must put out your own fire before firefighting for others. I slept the first week I was signed off. Then lots of therapy.

It really does come down to putting yourself first enables you to care for others. It's not being selfish or lazy, it is getting your priorities sorted out to enable your life and work to function properly. This actually enables you do do more as you find your balance.