I really need some advice about dd.

[okneedadvice]

I have changed my name to protect my dd who is 14yrs.
Not sure if this is the right topic but really need advice.
This afternoon i have noticed marks on dd's arm.At first she said a friends cat had done them,but after a while said she had done them herself.She said a girl and her friends were always having a go at her,so she did it herself with a ruler.I'm not really sure if that is the whole truth or if she has said that so i wouldn't keep asking her about it.She never really goes out with anybody from school she just stays at home.But she goes to school every day without moaning.

This does sound like an early attempt at self-harm and it is great that you have noticed and that your DD has spoken to you about it. Certainly the more you can get her to talk about what is upsetting her, the less likely she is to take it out on herself like this. Self-harm can worsen if not dealt with. There are MNers who have posted on here about self-harm, so if you do not get answers on this thread you could post again under that topic.

Your daughter might want to call Childline and speak to somebody there if there were things she didn't want to say to you.

Ask her if she wants you to do anything eg speak to teachers on her behalf and reassure her that she can tell you anything.

It saddens me to say this but a lot of my DD's friends have been doing this it seems to be the latest craze. I have reported it to the school.

I hope someone with more knowledge than I can come along and help you.

I so didn't want to read 'self harm' but i know you may be right.
When she started high school she cried every day for weeks.I thought she had settled down,now i'm not so sure.She has been at this school for 3 yrs and has just had her first detention,which isn't like her.She never goes out with friends just sit in the house.She doesn't get on that well with older dd but i just think that is a sister thing.
Oh god i don't know what to do.

Sorry to hear this.

My DD who is 12 tells me that a lot of her friends are doing it! I am very glad she feels she can talk to me about it, we had a good chat about why they were possibly doing it and how is wasn't "cool" as from what she was saying they seemed to think it was.

It is good that you have noticed and spoken to your DD about it, I don't have any advice really just wanted to say good luck!

Thank you for that MrsWeasley,i'll see if that's the case before i do anything else.In away i hope that is the case.

Right i'm going for a little chat with dd.
I did think when she said it was because of a girl bullying her,that she looked like she wasn't telling me the truth.But was worried that if she was being bullied she needed me to believe her.iykwim.

Hope that the talk goes well ONA. Whether this is a case of bullying, unhappiness or joining in with a latest craze at school, it is good that you have spotted it early and that you can start to talk together.

"She never goes out with friends just sit in the house. . ." My boys are still small, so I'm no expert on teenagers, but is it too late to encourage her to join an activity which will get her out of the house? We have some excellent karate classes around here - good for general exercise, for encouraging a positive mindset, and for meeting other people too. Could be worth a try . . .

Good luck, hope you can get to the cause of it.

Try to stay calm, let her talk if she wants to but dont push it, she will when she is ready.

Keep an eye on her to see if it stops. (just be aware they don't always do it on their arms, one of DD's friends did it on her tummy) I really don't want to worry you just sharing my limited knowledge.

I have a little experience of self harming in a different way but with a much younger girl it was caused/made worse by fear of her new dance teacher!