Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

Original poster

Am thinking asking to be sterilised is it too drastic?

19 replies

whoops · 22/04/2008 11:28

We have 2 dc's and we really are not in a position financially to have anymore and probably won't be for at least 2 more years by then the dc's will be 9 & 7.
I am fed up of worrying that the pill has failed (this happened with ds) and that it would leave us in a complete mess if it did.
Dh keeps saying if we win the lottery we would have another but I think the chances of that are very low and I don't think I could keep living in hope!
I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow and want to ask about being sterilised. I have discussed this briefly before and she says that it would be better for dh to have the snip but he feels he isn't ready for that yet and because of my weight (I have lost since the last time I saw her) it would be risky. I have had an anesthetic when at my heaviest though.
Has anyone been sterilised and regretted it or was it the best decision they ever made?

OP posts:

sleepycat · 22/04/2008 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

whoops · 22/04/2008 11:32

I had a mirena and although it was nice having no periods etc I didn't get on very well with the progesterone & having it inserted & removed was extremely painful

OP posts:

ImightbeLulumama · 22/04/2008 11:35

i would absolutely not be sterilised . your first line is about possibly being in a position to have another DC in a couple of years!!

i think you are not ready

look at the implant, or the copper coil, or injections.

don;t forget condoms are efficient when used correctly and can be used with the pill too if you are worried about the pill failing.

sleepycat · 22/04/2008 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solo · 22/04/2008 11:37

What sleepy said

Original poster

whoops · 22/04/2008 11:38

I don't think by the time the dc's are at least 7 that I would want to go back to the baby stages, I would like to start having nice holidays etc. a decent car after struggling along for so long

OP posts:

FruitfulOfFruit · 22/04/2008 11:41

Female sterilisation has a 1 in 200 failure rate. Vasectomy is 1 in 2000. No contest really!

Make your dh use a condom. He'll be "ready" for a vasectomy a lot sooner that way .

Original poster

whoops · 22/04/2008 11:45

Why should I have to wait til he is ready?
I hate condoms and so does he.
I hate taking the pill as I'm not the best person for remembering (although I have got a lot better in the last few months!)
My dsis seems to be having enough babies to go round
I let her keep having them and borrow one when I feel broddy

OP posts:

sleepycat · 22/04/2008 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shouldbeworking · 22/04/2008 12:28

I was sterilised in Feb this year after struggling wth a copper coil for a year. I have developed an allergy to latex and can't use hormonal methods due to migraine so I was running out of options contraception wise. Dh has had alot of health problems recently and two major ops. He, therefore, was not at all keen for another op however minor.
I had laparoscopic surgery and spent one night in hospital but only because I'm not good with anaesthetics. Had the op on tuesday and was out doing my family supermarket shop on the Friday, completely back to normal within a week. The operation itself was very straight forward and absolutely the right decision for me........
However I am 46, I have 2 teenage dss and an 11 year old daughter, I wouldn't have anymore children no matter how much money I had. While I'm sure I would cope with a baby now, whether I would cope with a teenager in my 60s I'm not so sure. Obviously very much depends on the teenager!!! My dh was not keen for me to have it done but because he didn't want me to have what he considered an unnecessary operation and not because he wanted to have the option of more kids. He did support me in the end though.
Even in my circmstances I had to work quite hard to get a referral. It was about 16 months from when I first asked GP to when I had operation. As you are much younger than me and your posts don't sound as though YOU have ruled out ever having any more children just that you feel your circumstances have, you may have a battle convincing them.
Good luck with what ever you decide

Original poster

whoops · 22/04/2008 12:46

Thanks Shouldbeworking
I think part of me wants to have the op as a closure to know that I cannot have anymore rather than thinking maybe one day.
No one knows what is going to happen in the future and I have 2 healty dc's - ds is quite hard work and I really don't think I want another like him!
Does anyone ever rule out having anymore? I think it is the circumstance that dictate and I don't want us to get even further into financial mess and I would like us to be in a position to be able to enjoy the 2 kids we have and have the nice things we can't have now.
Having a baby in 2,3 or 4 years time I think would possibly bring us back to the situation we are in now.
I have been told that due to my weight that my only option really is the progesterone pill or a coil although I have been put on Cilest now that I have lost some weight and that was from a locum rather than my normal gp who made big issues about my weight so have no idea what she will say when I see her on Weds when I ask for a repeat prescription.
Dh is supportive of whatever decision I make he isn't pressuring me to do this as I would never pressure him to have the snip.

OP posts:

ImightbeLulumama · 22/04/2008 13:09

i relly think that having the op as a way to take the decision out of your own hands is not a good idea. your financial situation might have changed in 2 years time, or more. what if you both suddenly think, sod it, we'll muddle through . let's go for it?

really, really hard to succesfully reverse sterilisation.

i would wait it out

and you are only young

shouldbeworking · 22/04/2008 15:27

Just to add another consideration.. further to what Lulumama has said. When I saw the consultant prior to my operation he said that in this health authority they would not even try to reverse sterilisation and should I change my mind in the future I would have to go straight down ivf route and almost definately not on the nhs.

expatinscotland · 22/04/2008 15:33

i would definitely be sterilised.

but DH has volunteered instead.

AND we are both 100% sure we don't want any more children - am pregnant with no. 3.

if you have ANY doubts about it, even 'if we won the lotto' then it's not for you.

Original poster

whoops · 22/04/2008 16:34

THe thing is I really don't think I do want anymore, having a m/c last year made me realise that I really don't think I could cope with anymore.
I will talk things through with the doctor tomorrow.

OP posts:

Original poster

whoops · 23/04/2008 12:10

I saw the gp this morning and she was happy to refer me - partly because there was also no other contraception she could prescribe either.
She did say most women she refered ended up with a mirena coil which I have had and had many problems with so don't want to go there.
The more I think about things the more I don't want to have anymore babies and want to look to the future with the 2 I am lucky enough to have

OP posts:

Pendulum · 23/04/2008 12:25

I think when it comes to 'wanting' more there's a divide between head and heart.

DH just had the snip last week. We have 2 DCs and I had 2 complicated CS deliveries. We both have good (part-time) careers and want to do further study, so we do not have unlimited time and attention to offer a large family. Our house and car are just big enough for 2. We are looking forward to when both DDs are old enough to enjoy family camping hols, trips to cinema etc. So we feel that any more kids would tip the balance in very many ways. On a rational level we both know this was absolutely the right decision for us.

However we both feel sad that there will be no more babies. In a parallel universe we would have loved to start having them at 22, have 5 or 6 and sod the financial consequences I think the urge to reproduce is hardwired into humans but we can only live one lifetime and have to make some choices.

I think what I am trying to say (not very eloquently) is that I would not be surprised if I never feel certain that I didn't want any more babies. It's a bit like the decision to begin TTC when you wonder if you are truly ready to start. However, that doesn't mean that the snip was the wrong thing to do- on the contrary.

Only you can know how you feel but I think I know what you are saying about wanting to put an end to uncertainty and move on (I am parahprasing your OP so forgive me if I have got it wrong).

Original poster

whoops · 23/04/2008 12:36

Pendulum - that is right, I have thought about things for a while and know it wouldn't be a good thing to have anymore (maybe if I was such a spendaholic
My sis and friends are all having babies and I see the and as much as it is nice cuddling them etc it doesn't make me want to have anymore.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 23/04/2008 12:37

I know several women who are sterilised and none regret their decision.

I for one am 100% I don't want any more. Ever. For any reason.

DH feels the same way.

That's what sterilisation is for.

Like you, I can't take progesten-based contraception and the combined pill is out for me because of hypertension.

Flip