Embarassing, depressing problem with my skin and weight gain/loss

[violentviolet]

I'm in my 20's and I've always been overweight, at my heaviest (when I was pregnant) I was 22 1/2 stone. I've lost 2 1/2 stone recently, and while I know losing weight is the right thing to do, I'm scared and so, so ashamed at what it's doing to my body (namechanged for this)

My fat is going but my skin is staying put, it's going really saggy and wrinkly- noticeably so, especially on my upper thighs and upper arms and boobs, which have lost so much padding now point absolutely down and feel fairly "empty". It's really bad, I look awful naked. My stomach hasn't really started deflating that much yet but when it does that's going to be awful too. But you can cover your stomach up, it's my arms/boobs/thighs that are really bothering me.

It's hindering my weight loss- the sagging is only going to get worse the more weight I lose, and I sometimes think if I stopped dieting my padding would come back and I'd look filled out again. It seems I can either be grossly fat, or freakishly saggy.

It's ruining my sex life- I don't want him to touch my wrinkly inner thighs or ugly empty boobs nevermind see them, my body is an embarassment and nothing like how a 20-something's body should be, I feel sorry for him that he has to sleep with this and I often just end up pleasuring him so I don't have to go through the stress of exposing my body. I also worry that if we split up I'll be alone forever because let's face it, how could I show anyone else this fucking mess?

I know there are operations you can have to "trim off" sagging skin after weightloss but a) I'm still huge so I doubt my unsympathetic gp will even discuss it with me. b) the waiting lists for nhs treatment are long and there's no way I could get private treatment as we are poor, and c) I can't even bring myself to go for a filling at the dentist, nevermind full blown "unnecessary" operations. Plus there's the pain, scarring, risk of infection, the recovery time with a young child to look after etc.

Sorry this has turned into a massive whinge but I've never told anyone about this and it's a relief to let it out. But I'm so unhappy, it's depressing me so much to know that even if I get to a healthy bmi I can still never wear a swimming costume, I'll never look good in underwear, ever, etc.

Has anyone had any experience of this, or of any corrective surgery after weightloss? Namechangers welcome, obviously. I've never heard of anyone in real life with this, and I feel like a big freak.

What a sad post. It sounds as though you are having real difficulties adapting to the new you.

Firstly, very well done on your weight loss- you have done very well!

I can understand that it must be hard not to look as good as you deserve to after losing the weight. Skin takes a while to ping back into shape after it has been stretched. Whilst it may not be possible to have completely taunt skin again, toning exercises are important to help prevent sagging.

Your partner obviously loves and fancies you. Are your problems with your love life due to your own perception of yourself or has he made specific comments about your body or finding you attractive?

With regard to operations for your problem....In all honesty, you are unlikely to be eligible for NHS plastic surgery at present. Surgeons are very strict on their criteria. You have to achieve a BMI of under 30 and prove that your weight loss is sustained before they will consider you. Having said this, I have a patient (a man in his 20s) who lost over 10 stones and has had surgery on the NHS to remove loose skin on his abdomen, arms and thighs and he is barely recognisable as the same man!

Hey violentviolet,
Sorry to hear you're so down at the moment. Bear in mind if you needed to lose some weight, what you've lost already is a serious achievement - well done!

You mentioned that your GP's unsympathetic - could you see someone else maybe? Get a recommendation from a friend for a GP who's a little more sensitive/sympathetic?
Even if nothing can be done in the short term, at least they'll be able to tell you what your options are.

I'm afraid I have no experience with this so can't offer more help really...other than to give you a virtual hug and recommend that you definitely look at finding another GP.

Also, I'm sure your DH/DP doesn't see you through the eyes you do. He no doubt loves you for who you are (cringe - sorry it's a cliche, but it's true) and he's probably more upset about how sad you are, not what you look like.

It's clearly making you very unhappy VV so don't delay and find another GP to talk to - or is there some organisation that covers issues like this that you can talk to? Perhpas you'll find some good advice there?

Good luck
Gerbrajess

Gawd - that reads that I'm assuming you look bad - NOT what I meant at all!!!! Please don't read that the wrong way

What I was trying to say was that, if you're anything like me, your eyes are far more judgemental and cruel than someon else's!

Hi Emma, I wasn't going to consider any kind of corrective surgery until after I'd reached a healthy weight, I know how that works, but what I mean is, my gp is such an impatient grumpy man who gives me dirty looks whatever I go in for (first time I went to the surgery to register when I was pg he looked me up and down and said "I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other")

I think he dislikes fat people. I haven't told him I'm on a diet as I suspect he'd say something unpleasant and discourage me in the process. I couldn't bear to strip off in front of him to show what the problem was.

I'll write more later but I'm off to my slimming club shortly. Thanks for your kind responses.

You must find another GP VV - he sounds horrible! You need someone you're comfortable with and not afraid to tell your worries to...
Good luck
Gerbrajess

I'd second the advice about seeing a GP you feel comfortable with. Either way, they should behave professionally towards you regardless.

Look forward to hearing more from you later.