What is wrong with me?

[SnappyClappy]

Sorry this is long. I’ve name changed as I may start telling people in real life about it and don’t want it linked to my other posts if they recognise it.

I have had a lot of symptoms for a long time, and they appear to be getting worse. Does anyone recognise what they might be? I don’t want to go to the GP yet as in all honestly, I don’t know how to explain it all without sounding crazy, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s what it actually is, and it scares me.

I have seen things that aren’t there. Not frequently, every few months or so. Spiders, a lizard, a boy. I see them, freak out and tell whoever I’m with, then they vanish.

My emotions are erratic. I used to be a calm person and now I’m angry a lot. I can swing from happy, to tears, to anger in the space of a few hours.

I used to have a lot of empathy and cared deeply for others and now I feel like I hate everyone, and care very little. I’ve gone from being warm to being cold.

I am very impulsive. I have thrown away things that I loved for silly reasons. I spend money on a whim that often we can’t afford.

I think I maybe paranoid, but at the same time I wonder if I’m right to think the things I do about people. I used to be trusting to the point of naivety, but now I can’t trust anyone, but I’ve been abused a lot in my life so it’s partly warranted.

I think I see people following me and talking about me, but the person I’m with often doesn’t see it.

If an object in my home is playing on my mind, it vanishes without trace overnight. We literally never find the object again. Obviously it doesn’t happen with large objects. It’s just small items and clothing. This is the thing that worries me the most.

I also wake up in the night thinking that I’ve heard someone walking around - nobody else hears it and nobody else remembers me waking them up in the night when we wake the next morning. I don’t know if I’m having very vivid dreams or whether they are so asleep that they are forgetting I woke them up. But it feels real.

I also sometimes wake up in the night screaming not knowing where I am (not very often).

I sometimes forget things and find myself playing along with conversations. Sometimes my family are talking about something that happened the day before and I have no memory of it at all.
I have to write lists or I forget things. I have to write down all of my cooking timings or I forget. I remember things and then as my family are talking about it I realise I’ve remembered it all wrong. I was the opposite before, I was the one who remembered everything in great detail. I cover it up using lists to prompt me, but it scares me.

I used to be really good at remembering faces, but I often find myself being spoken to by name and not knowing who it is (this only happens occasionally with people I haven’t seen in a while).

I often read words wrong and sit there for a while trying to make sense of what I’ve read until the penny drops and I realise I’m reading the word wrong. I also forget the words for things sometimes.

I’ve lost my sense of direction. Eg. If I am In A waiting room in a building and if I then get sent to a different room, I can’t find my way back again. I can never find exits in buildings even if I entered through them. It’s becoming a running joke with my family (I was a little bit like this before, but not this bad).

I have some numbness and tingling in various areas and stomach issues.

I have an unrelated autoimmune illness.

I’m mid 40s, regular periods, no other obvious signs of perimenopause.

I have had a lot of trauma and abuse in my life. I haven’t had a very happy life.

These changes have been gradual over time. I function fine, most people wouldn’t know this is happening because I cover it well, usually with a joke and my back-up lists and pretending to remember when I don’t.

Anyone got any ideas?

I think you are explaining things very well here .
You are having a really shit Time of it.
I think talking to your GP is the first stage, although I know they prefer you to only discuss one thing at a time these days. So try to get a double appointment.
There could be more than one thing going on, or they could all be connected.
I would be asking to be seen by a neurologist, with a view to getting an mri initially .head and neck if you can.
Rule out some of the obvious causes.
I have had some of my symptoms put down to migraines.( not the cause)
Could maybe rule out epilepsy, which has a lot of different symptoms.
And an mri could see if there are signs of a brain tumour ( not necessarily malignant)
You must be so worried about all this ,but you need a place to start and that's your GP and tell him everything .
Print out what you have written here and show him .
Good luck x

That absolutely makes sense.

As others have said, write down what you've said here x

The buying things impulsively and throwing these out impulsively alongside seeing things etc were symptoms my friend first presented with. She was eventually diagnosed with bi polar.

Medication made her feel so much calmer and she said after a few weeks on it she hadn't realised how much she'd been struggling until she didn't feel so "out there" anymore.

You're frightened (which is completely understandable). Do not lot fear get in the way of getting help. Give your GP a chance to help you. They are not there to judge you.

You cannot self-diagnose; you need professional medical help. Your GP is a good starting point. Don't put it off any longer; you are clearly suffering. Take care.

I would go back to GP. I’m surprised they haven’t ordered an MRI to rule out a brain/neurological issue. I wouldn’t put everything down to perimenopause before other things have been ruled out.
To add, I was investigated for some weird neuro symptoms and had mri/eeg. They are still querying epilepsy but haven’t had full mri back yet. Im
post meno now but they started in peri.

So sorry to hear of all that you are going through, and sending you a big hug 🫂 It might be a mixture of different things going on and might take some time to get to the bottom of them all so you’ll probably need to be patient. Also be prepared to keep going back to the GP as some can be quite dismissive, especially if they think it’s “”just women’s problems”” Do you have a trusted family member or friend you can start talking to about all of this? It’s all a lot less scary when we have someone to share it with, and someone who can give us a hug. All you can do is take it one step at a time 💐

Sending you hugs

Thing is - macular is really easily diagnosed

Go back to the optician and ask them to look for it

Its something to tick off the list and exclude

This makes SO much sense to me 💙🩵💙

They only know about my autoimmune illness and I went to the optician about my eye last year. I haven’t told them about the symptoms I’ve listed here because I just didn’t know where to start with it all. I’ve put my head in the sand with it and hoped it would go away, but at the same time thought they might just think I was crazy.

I hope you get your answers and they can do something to help you with your symptoms. What were your symptoms? (Obviously don’t answer that if you would rather not share) 💐

Thank you everyone for your comments and kindness, you have made me feel less alone with it. It has been scary writing it down because I’ve had my head in the sand for so long, thank you all for listening.💐

I'm not medically trained but two possibles immediately sprang to mind, and I see other pp have suggested them.

Bipolar - which is treatable. I know of someone whose medication has totally turned them around.
Mild seizures/epilepsy - which is treatable.

Write down a list of your symptoms and quietly hand it over to your GP

Are you under alot of stress at the moment?

I was diagnosed with CPTSD by my therapist and I've found that when I'm under stress (if even if don't recognise it at the time), my mental health can get ropey. Perhaps not seeing things but certainly feeling a little paranoid etc. I have no absolutely minimise stress in my life to keep everything in check.

Doesn't mean you are insane, but trauma (especially early year trauma) etc can really do a number on brain chemistry.

Might be worth having a few weeks of early nights, meditation, exercise and "quiet time" to see if it helps. And maybe a visit to your GP to make sure it isn't anything more complex.

But stress really can cause some weird and wonderful physical and mental symptoms.

Best of luck.

You definitely should be honest with the GP as they will hopefully then be able to refer you to the correct speciality.
I had/have really off deja vu type symptoms consistent with temporal lobe/partial seizures. I’ve only had two episodes of full on ones in 5 years, but I get mini ones occasionally as well. Started pre-covid but only this year got investigated properly as I lost consciousness last year (coming up for a year ago now!).

@Cattyisbatty That sounds unpleasant. Things take so long with the NHS. I hope they can work out what’s causing it for you.

Thanks. I have a lovely consultant who emailed me the preliminary results as soon as he got them on his system, but the full mri report is taking ages! The eeg was normal. He just said no meds atm but if I want to drive again I feel I may have to try low dose. Could be worse I suppose, but I have a few chronic conditions which stress exacerbates! Keeping anxiety low is very important- I try my best.

Please get help ASAP. Seems like PTSD with pschosis.

It's great that you're reaching out.

People stereotype these symptoms as only belonging to "crazy" people who are completely disconnected from reality. But actually a lot of people experience "scary" symptoms while still managing to function okay, meet their responsibilities etc.

It sounds like you're doing great to manage, but also you deserve the right help - your life could be so much easier and less stressful with the right support and treatment.

I'm so sorry this sounds awful. Could it be worth asking GP to investigate if it's something like Charles Bonnet syndrome? Definitely get back to your GP asap. They have your full medical history and should know what to do next. Please reach out to family or other support networks too, best of luck

seriously ... every single health thread. B12 and thyroid ffs.

It reads to me like a list of symptoms of a personality disorder. But I'm not a doctor or a psychiatrist.

Can you just develop those in your 40s though?
I assumed things like that would have been there from a younger age, rather than just appearing in middle age out of no where, but I don’t know.

@ManchesterGirl2 Yes, you are right. I think it’s a big part of why I’ve held off going to the doctor. How can I sit there seemingly ok, but then tell them I’m experiencing all of these symptoms?
I haven’t forgotten anything yet today (at least I don’t think I have), so I’m back to minimising it and thinking, is it really that bad?

No one here could ever possibly tell you what is wrong, only suggest things it could be. If you Google (which I'm sure you have) you'll see the wide range of possible things you could be suffering from, from encephalitis to mental health issues. I would be pursuing it with a GP and telling him you're worried it's neurological.

Please go while you are in the better part as you will be able to describe and remember things more accurately. Don't wait for a bad episode. Write down a list and hand it over.

@mirrensidhe - seriously ... every single health thread. B12 and thyroid
Have you read what symptoms a deficiency in B12 can cause? If you a vegetarian then you need supplements but many people are unaware of that. This is just ONE of many symptoms listed on the NHS website:

• psychological problems, which can range from mild depression or anxiety, to confusion and dementia

You see, to me, it sounds like the type of neurological changes that happen in dementia and, if you were old, that would be the first port of call. But, rarely, this can happen at any age. And, of course, tumours, depending where in the brain they are, can also cause all your symptoms.

But, to others, your symptom seem to be caused by dietary deficiencies and a few others mention psychological causes.

But, without proper tests, we are all guessing!

I would go down the neurology and deficiency route first as, assuming you are referred quickly, these can be easily ruled out (or, less likely, confirmed). If physical causes are ruled out, you can then go down the psychological route.