Builder husband with degenerative back problem

[okydokethen]

DH 44 is a builder, the intensity of his work has inevitably caused physical pain but an MRI shows he has the following.

Mild degenerative end plate odema

disc bulges
Early degenerative disc disease
Shallow circumferential disc bulges
Mild facet arthropathy
Loss of disc height
Irritation to nerve roots
Bilateral foraminal stenosis

Beyond google we don't know what this means and his (long awaited) hospital appointment isn't for weeks.

He's struggling to sleep and to work (but does), his mood is low and he's very awkward and stiff in his movements. We took on a big mortgage two years ago and it worries me how we'll manage financially if this is going to get worse. I work but I couldn't pay everything. This year he's slowed down notebly and we're in debt and he had a huge tax bill.

Presumably these conditions will only get worse but is there any treatment or advice that will help? He had regular physio and chiropractor appointments and we have a big bath that help but otherwise over the counter pain killers aren't affective.

Little bump as today has been a high pain day

It sounds fairly similar to my DH who had spinal surgery a couple of years ago. (At over 60). He had spinal stenosis and disc bulges - they shaved some of the discs to stop them touching the sciatic nerve (I know they 'shaved' the discs and I'm assuming that was why).

It has made a difference to him, although he should have had it done years earlier. He left it til he was forced to give up work through the pain/bad back on the grounds that 'he couldn't take time off work'. At the time they said 70% chance of improvement, 25% chance of nothing changing and 5% of it getting worse.

He's fortunate and it's taken a lot of the pain away as long as he doesn't overdo stuff. He would recommend surgery if it is offered. He lived on tramadol for years for the pain and wishes he'd just asked about surgery.

@Hatty65
Thank you for your insight

It's terrifying to think of surgery being an option, we simply couldn't afford his recovery time.

I have a some of that list.

It's in the name. Degenerative. I had a couple years of pain and bad back and soldiered through it. I also have an active job and am self employed. I had to stop work to care for my disabled child but I've continued to get worse and would struggle to work now. I'm wondering what I will do going back to work once my kids an adult as I can't do heavy work but sitting down compresses my spine and makes the pain much worse.

The silver lining is when your nerves have been compressed enough you go past pain to numbness.

I've lost feeling in my hand and some toes. Lost grip strength. When it's flailing I can fall over. Lost the ability to relax my bladder to pee and somehow still incontinent (that my have been childbirth though). So I have to self catheterise.

You want to start physio ASAP. Google what to do as NHS wait can be long. There are meds that help with the pain and lessen the nerve pain but it's the degeneration that's the concern like you have. I'm told they can operate when it's bad enough and fuse the worst risked in my spine. But I've been fighting for 3 years since the serious symptoms started 5 from when i started loosing feelong amd getting pain bad enough to impact my work and only just getting taken seriously and had nerve studies done that show oh shit yeah this woman has a serious problem. 5 fucking years of getting worse amd worse while the NHS told me its all in my head. im furious. you can not get better but you can slow the degeneration. I've been dismissed I think because I'm seen as a hysterical woman or just after hard core painkillers (I'm only early 30's until the nerve study proved im not lying drs kept telling me there was no way i was so bad at my age and its all in my funking head)

ibe not been seen properly really so camt tall about outcome but from what i have pieced together DDD only gets worse you cam never get back what you have lost. I've changed everything in my life thats in my control to slow the speed of degeneration as thats all you can really do. the Operation is serious long recovery and its 6 months off work when you have a physical job, its not an option for me as im a carer and need to be fit to care. but its not a fix. it can stop the pain possibly get some function back if its done soon enough before the nerve is dead but your spine will keep degenerating. he will need to get that physio. I've changed my mattress, the position i sleep in, the way i exercise (you want to keep moving but noting that stresses the spine!), staying a healthy weight is important, not relevant to your husband but no more high heels for me must get supportive foot wear. i moved house so i dont have to do stairs anymore as im sure they made me worse and i kept falling over it was getting dangerous. think about your sofa is it good for his back? does he spend alot of time driving? i changed my car so im now sat more upright like in a van.

you don't describe flair up like ive experienced and i don't know if this is normal or not but when im bad lifting my leg to step into the shower (over the bath) is impossible either from pain or i fall over. i got a seat that sits on the bath and swivels to get in and oiy when im really bad. loads of kitchen aids as one of my hands is half useless i cant open jars changed the foods i cook. so habe a think how you cam support him if he has a time where the pain os so bad he cany walk or if his legs give out. washing and going to the loo definitely hard to manage of you mot prepared. my spine is so fucked i struggle to twist and wipe my arse and i dont know the solution ive had no help on managing this stuff. maybe once ive finally seen the spinal trauma consultant i can get referred to the people who help with that. if i had a partner to help it would be easier getting dressed. you oh is lucky he wont have to manage a bra.

sorry this turned into a bit of a rant. but yeah. he needs to think about a new career. manual labour will be making it worse. you want to slow the degeneration because honestly getting help once you have lost the functioning i have is just ridiculous. im terrified of whats going to happen to me. my partner checked out the relationship when I was having a bad phase and needed help yo care for disabled son now im single caring for him and i dont know what will happen to me in my older years or what will happen tonmy som when im too far gone to cate for him. i jusy have to function long enough my other kids are adults so im not needed like i am now that what i prey for

Oh and I'd recommend resisting taking the strong pain meds as much as possible. You build a tolerance and get addicted. I e found the more I manage without tramadol the better it works when I really need it. It doesn't really help with the pain as much as I like but it's a strong opiate so it helps me get to sleep when the pain so bad I can't sleep.

Don't be scared by my story though. It degenerates at different rates for different people and I think most people over 50 or maybe it was 60? But anyway most people of a certain age would show some degeneration in their spine so it may not be so bad as I've ranted about. If it's bulging disks they can fix that with an operation and maybe that will be the worst you have to deal with

Finances is something you need to think about. There is little to no help for the self employed. You yourself can get carers allowance if you don't work or earn pennies but it's something like £130 a week you can't live on it. Finances was a large part of why my relationship ended. I'm much better off now I'm single and have a disabled child I get UC but as I own my home I seriously struggle as benefit won't pay your mortgage. If you rent it's much better. I don't know if you can get disability benefits for degenerate spine but you should look into that. I haven't because I scrape by on UC and I just feel so terrible needing benefits. I've worked since I was 14 my ego can't take being a burden to society. And be prepared for the hate people have for those on benefits/disabled. It's not nice

His physio and Chiro should go through the results with him.
The first thing is education and pain management. He needs to understand his results and how they may / may not be resulting in pain but not to be afraid of it.
Then a decent regime of core stability work and daily exercises which he can do at home. It will only take 10-15 mins a day but be valuable.
Combine this with an intense course of physio for 6-8 weeks and see how he responds. This may well be enough to manage his symptoms and stabilise him.

If not, ask for referral to the back pain clinic at your local hospital. There are options before surgery - injections for example. But yes, he needs to address his back pain as it wont go away on it own and could get worse.