WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople ·
01/09/2024 10:02
I've not been feeling great for the last 5 years and it's just getting worse. I'll have the odd few days of feeling ok(ish) but the majority of my days I am suffering from a myriad of symptoms, sometimes all together and sometimes different symptoms on different days. I'm so anxious and depressed as it is preventing me from living a normal and contented life.
I am 51 and will start by saying that I've suffered anxiety for most of my life but it was always just part of me not something which was all consuming as it is now.
I have also suffered from IBS for half if my life and again I had bad days and then lots of manageable days but not now. Most days I have a whole host of upper and lower gut issues that I have to deal with including awful gnawing nausea, burping, acid indigestion, very gurgly guts, gas, bloating, some days diarrhoea and others times it's constipation. I can need the loo at all times during the day and can never trust my guts anymore.
Over the 5 years I've had 2 colonscopies, a pill camera endoscopy, a gastroscope, a bile acid malabsorption scan and several us scans, thankfully all ok but now I'm just left to it by the NHS as my gastro says there is nothing more she can offer despite knowing I still have daily issues.
I have tried all kinds of meds and nothing really helps. I only drink water and watch what I eat. I follow a special diet and track my symptoms and have gut directed hypnotherapy yet can't see why I get such bad days and whilst others are a bit better.
It struck me last night, I was awake from midnight till 3am with the most awful nausea, acid and gas, no idea why this happens.
I also have gynae issues which have dragged on for years and I only discovered (via MRI) December last year that I have deep endometriosis and adenomyosis (apparently not showing on the bowel though). I only discovered this as I asked for the MRI as I have a failed uterine ablation from 2022 which has left me in pain. I have been given conflicting opinions if this has any connection to my gut issues with my regular gynae telling me there is most definitely a connection, to my new endo gynae not even wanting to discuss it because according to him there is no connection and my gastroenterologist saying maybe there is?
I've now been left on a year long wait for a laparoscopy with no follow ups during this wait (good old NHS hey?) and my gastroenterologist has put me on a once a year phone consultation.
Alongside the above I have such tiredness that I could sleep all day (even though in general I sleep most days between 11pm-7am), I do dream heavily though so not sure if the sleep is restful or not?
Every day I have a tight jaw all the time, clench and grind my teeth at night (actually broken down a couple of teeth this way), tight neck and shoulder muscles. I ache a lot and in general I feel emotionally and physically knackered. Recently I have had lots of muscle twitching which is really stressing me out.
I won't lie, I know I'm stressed. My parents live just around the corner from me. They are early 80's and although dad is in good health my mum isn't. She has Alzheimer's and recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She also has heart issues and has a pace maker as well as being bent over with osteoporosis. Although they hav a daily carer, I see them around 4/5 times a week and tbh, seeing them struggle is really stressing me out, it's so upsetting a depressing.
I do worry about everyone. I worry about my ds (soon to be 19). He has been hard work most of his life & suffered with school anxiety/refusal from 2016-2021. That was a very stressful period and I was the only one dealing with it all as dh was always at work. Thankfully ds is content and happy now he's working and has a girlfriend but he has put on a lot of weight, I can't stop stressing that he is damaging his health. I know he's an adult now but it doesn't stop me stressing about him.
I also worry about my dd16, she hasn't performed too well with her GCSE's and I very much worry about her future.
You can see that I worry about my family a lot!
I am fed up feeling so crappy. I never feel that great these days and can not get a break from it all. It's easy to say it's all stress and/or peri related but I can't help but concern myself every day that it's something else. I have recently had a full panel of blood work and everything has come back as normal and within range and they were a really all better than my results from a year ago. I have had endless CBT, counselling and some other therapies but none have helped. I worry it's all due to something physical but I'm getting nowhere with my doctor's. I've tried antidepressants but they made the gut issues worse. My gynae says hrt could make my endo worse!
I'm so tired of it all.
What can I do to feel better? I am slim, eat well, don't drink, try to get good sleep, walk everywhere but feel like my life is now consumed with feeling shit every day.
Any advice? I'm getting desperate.