Severe dental phobia

[TheWorstWeek]

Looking for some no-judgement advice on how to overcome my dental phobia.

Due to years of poor dental hygiene as a teenager (I suspect a symptom of undiagnosed ADHD) and a severe dental phobia, my teeth are a mess and make me terribly self conscious. It's one of these things that I wish I had a time machine to go back to fix it or the ability to grow a third set of teeth. I take much better care of my teeth now, and have done for the past 10-15 years but the damage has been done on a lot of them.

I haven't been to the dentist since I was pregnant with my youngest which was 6 years ago. There was a gap of about 10 years before that. I was in the middle of treatment, my dentist had a family emergency and cancelled my appointment, and I just couldn't bring myself to reschedule. I know I need work done (including extractions) but I cry every time I think about showing a dentist my teeth or getting treatment. I'm so embarrassed that at 35 I'm going to have so few teeth left. I'm ashamed, I'm afraid of the treatment and of being judged. It's not just an overwhelming anxiety (trust me, I have plenty of that in other areas too) but an actual phobia.

What can I do to help me get over the fear to get into a dentist in the first place before I even get any sort of treatment? And then how to do I get myself to get treatment done?

Hi, I am a dentist. Just wanted to reassure you to trust me, we have seen it all. We see so many people a day that nothing scares us, so you won’t be judged OK?

In terms of treatment if you are willing to pay a little extra, treatment under sedation might help, otherwise asking your GP for a single dose of anxiolytics. Also, I highly recommend dentists who work exclusively with anxious patients.

In my work with anxious patients it is often the first appointment that is the worst for them. As soon as they get into the swing of things they realise it isn’t so bad. A lot listen to music as well in the chair.

Thank you for your response.

I spoke to my DH and he's going to help me find a suitable dentist that specialises in anxious patients. Speaking to him about it is really the first step as I can't do it alone. I think I'd possibly be willing to pay extra for IV sedation for any extractions because they truly, truly terrify me. Although, overall cost of treatment is a bit of a concern.

The logical part of my brain knows that I can get through cleanings, fillings etc. but I still feel terrified at the thought of having to go in the first place. I think it's a combination of the fear of what I'll be told needs done and the embarrassment that's stopping me make this first appointment. Then the general fear of the treatment itself, and the fact I hate the feeling of anyone touching me at all, nevermind in my mouth.

Dentists didn't take me seriously as a child and I think the mistrust has never left me. My first memory of a dentist is them not believing me over having "sugar on my cornflakes" for breakfast aged 5 even though I absolutely didn't and snapping at me rudely. Very minor, I know, but it's stuck with me. And then there were other instances with dentists growing up too.

I'm with you.

I need an extraction soon because of a cracked molar with an infection settled in the roots which is affecting my gum, lower jawbone and salivary glands. I'm on antibiotics and pain killers for it at the moment but I am not sure it will completely clear and the damaged tooth will have to go. It will flare again otherwise and the pain is indescribable.

I'm terrified about it. I am very sensitive around my teeth and gums. I hate the injection and still think I can feel a lot even once numb. I had one extraction many years ago for similar reasons and it was a very difficult one. In the end I had to see a consultant for it because of complications.

I'd almost rather have it done in hospital under general anaesthetic. I am seriously thinking about discussing that at my next visit.

You are not alone.

Going to a dentist that specializes in anxiety is a good idea, OP. I was you several years ago. I finally found the right dentist, and had my mouth treated in two appointments (with sedation). I am now all good, go every 6 months, and my phobia has almost disappeared. Oh, and I still have all my teeth (one implant).

Thanks to both @Topseyt123 and @whateveryouwantmetosay . Simply knowing I'm not completely alone makes me feel a little better. It's one of those phobias that people just don't talk about so it can feel very isolating.

I'm definitely going to lose a few teeth which makes me very embarrassed and upset but it's too late now. It'd be better to get it dealt with and have dental implants or dentures than teeth that are falling to bits in my mouth - and potentially causing other issues. I had my four back teeth extracted years ago. Two weren't in good condition and two were okay but removed to make space for wisdom teeth as I have a small jaw. They were decent extractions but I hated the feeling of pulling and pushing so I'm terrified. Plus these teeth are in worse condition than they were. But that also means I have less teeth in my mouth already!

Not only do I want to get them fixed for my self confidence and health but also so that my children don't end up in my position. Teeth a mess and terrified of the dentist. Hopefully they are more like DH than me.

I cured my own phobia years ago. First step is the hardest though - accept your fear is rational and stop beating yourself up about it.

Second step is measures to put yourself back in control. Whatever works for you. I got some diazepam from GP, never used it but it was in my pocket as a comfort. Asked dentist to leave door open - I was a bolter! Again it made me feel I had options. And so on.

@babymamalove I like your post and your honesty.
I guess that you have seen it all, but for the patient (myself included) that drive to an appointment, those moments in the waiting room are so nerve wracking, it's unbearable.

I speak as someone who is very used to being in the dentist chair. I have a dentist and a periodontist, also three hygienist sessions a year, yet I'm always apprehensive before an appointment......and the best part is, I follow their cleaning instructions to the letter. My next check up is on Wednesday 11th September.
The nerves are already kicking in.

Updating to say I did it. I had my check up today and left with a list of things needing done, including extractions. But I did it. First tiny step to no longer having horrible teeth in my mouth. I'm embarrassed that I ever let it get this bad.

The dentist and the dental nurse were lovely, non judgemental and really understanding - even when I was crying in the dentist chair!

Well done! As a fellow phobic who has just (finally) started a course of treatment, I salute you. Nobody talks about this in real life, do they? And yet there are quite a few of us around.

What I will say is modern dentistry has improved massively since I last had any treatment. I had a massive filling last month and genuinely never felt any pain. Discomfort, yes, and I still hate it, but the most painful part was the bill at the end and I NEVER thought I would say that 😂

Well done to you too. It's a really difficult phobia to have, no one talks about it because there's so much shame to do with it. It's been debilitating for me.

I've managed to book in my next three appointments, all for next month. Knowing that a lot of the issues will be fixed before Christmas is huge. The extractions will need to be done in the new year by a specialist but I'm getting them fixed. That's what counts.

I keep trying to tell myself how much easier my next check up will be (whenever that will roll around) when I'll just have to sit in the chair and hopefully have them say "no changes. See you in another X months".

Hi, please can I ask how this turned out? My 14 year old son has a severe dental phobia but he has a badly decaying tooth with infection, we have tried multiple times to get it out but he always refuses and doesn't get it done. It's really worrying me because of the infection, he's already had 4 courses of antibiotics this year. I just don't know how he'll get it out, we've tried everything and the GP won't prescribe him sedation due to his age!! We've tried to have him put to sleep at the hospital but he refused to have the cannula put in and fought them very hard so I just don't know what to do at this point!!! 😞 Thanks x

I had hypnosis for a fear of flying. It worked. There is some science behind hypnosis ( Google Dr David Spiegel) although I don't think they fully know how it works but most important is to find one that is registered.

The dentist will want to help you. They won't be judgemental or rude about your teeth. Anymore than a doctor wouldn't be rude to someone because they had a health issue.

If you use an electric brush, floss or tp each tooth, brush gums and tongue and use chlorhexidine mouthwash then that's all you can do at home to care for them.

Please book an appointment and say you're very nervous. My dentist prescribed me diazapam for my treatment so you could ask for that?

Please don't be ashamed or embarrassed x

Just wanted to say well done to the OP (and anyone else in the same boat). I was in your position a couple of years ago, and my motivation was that a tooth got so badly infected that I knew I'd be in trouble on a holiday that I didn't want to ruin, so I found a practice where I could sign up for an appointment the same day via email. The dentist was so bloody lovely to me and over the course of a few months, sorted everything out that I needed. The relief was amazing and I now go dutifully every six months. Lifechanging.