If you burnt out….

[Alifemoreordinary123]

If you’ve reached this point, what did you do?

I feel utterly burnt out. I have awful anxiety, I don’t really feel joy in much anymore, I find managing a large house / 2 children / work / social life exhausting. I have some OCD issues related to anxiety, no sex drive and am generally a pessimist. I want to declutter and sort out, but my day is children / get ready, work, pick children up, dinner and tidy, children to bed, sort washing and put away.

My DH is brilliant at DIY, does all the garden stuff etc and occasional tidies, but he’s not tidy and organised with all the day to day grind stuff.

I do a senior role in the public service, but have realised that the job itself doesn’t matter, it’s increasingly my reaction to it. I’m increasingly apathetical to it all and barely function or concentrate at work. I’ve dropped to part time. I also have brain fog and just can’t retain stuff anymore.

I’m constantly doom scrolling - it’s almost the way I zone out of the world to cope. I probably spend 2 hours in short bursts on MN, FB, IG etc. I function - you probably would have no idea I feel like this if you knew me.

I’m 40 but this has been building for years so I don’t think it’s menopause.

I wonder about trying an anti-depressant. I just wonder what helped you - and what was the push you needed to make the change?

Burnout 1
Dr put me on antidepressants. He offered to sign me off work but I was changing jobs a couple of weeks later so I hung in.
The new job was very easy for the first 12 months (the project I was on was late so my bit of work was slow and steady) which allowed me to recuperate a bit.

Burnout 2 (5 years later)
I got signed off work for a couple of weeks. I also made some changes in our lives cos DS1 has been diagnosed as SN and by changing things it made it all a bit bearable. I also dropped down to PT (4 days a week). We also improved our diets.

My recommendations would be:
Antidepressants
Get signed off work to reset
Going forward : declutter regularly to make home life easier, eat simple healthy food (avoiding UPF where possible - even meat and 2 veg is a decent meal), get outside as much as possible, cut out alcohol, take up some exercise.

Its hard and has taken me a couple of years to really get to a point where I am so much happier. But it was worth it.

@TadpolesInPool hugely appreciate this thank you. I have avoided meds all my life - just not in love with meds generally. But honestly not sure that is serving me well anymore. Really appreciate your support.

Its worth trying. If they don't work try something else. But doing nothing isn't helping either.

Good luck, its tough but you can get out the other end. Hang in there

I did a lot of things but one of the most useful was dumping social media.

I stopped Facebook entirely, made Instagram a happy place made up 90% of cat videos, and minimised my exposure to the news. Stopped listening to Radio 4 in the car.

Just not hearing/seeing all the depressing stuff or comparing myself to those faking it on SM made a massive difference.

@AnnaMagnani thank you - I know I need to do this.

I'm in burn out. I think I've had what used to be called a nervous breakdown to be honest. I can't get signed off work as I'm a carer for my disabled son. I'm just at rock bottom. I tried antidepressants but they made me feel worse. I'm trying to sleep when I can, eat nutritious food, do relaxation activities, care for myself. But I know I will be a slow journey and I need to just be patient.

I had a bad spell pre-kids and the memory of that helps me now recognise when I’m not doing well and be more proactive. I’m a lot more gentle with myself these days and firm with my boundaries. Can you afford to get a cleaner or anything for a bit? I realised that potentially not working would be a lot more expensive than paying for help.

I track my period - I realised a lot of what I thought was anxiety was just stressful things hitting at the same time as my hormone fluctuations, knowing this helps me stop things spiralling and I avoid alcohol and junk food when I know I’m likely to have a low few days. I appreciate that isn’t the issue for everyone though and I have friends who have found anti depressants really helpful so it’s also worth talking to your GP (and also potentially a blood test for low iron?)

Couch to 5k or some sort of regular exercise really helps me too - though it’s hard to make time. Perhaps you could do a silent/yoga/hiking retreat or something to kick start a refreshed mindset?

Sending lots of positive energy x

I called the GP surgery and said I felt down. A lovely GP called me back a couple of hours later and spoke to me about how I was feeling. She signed me off work for 2 weeks (high pressure on the go job) and said if I needed more to call back. I went back after the 2 weeks but felt validated and much calmer x

I had a kind of mystery health breakdown. I lost my voice for months and developed multiple RSI issues, including in the soles of my feet so I couldn't walk very far.

I got a new job.

I have also very firmly learned the lesson that if I overdo it my body will object. I take time off when I am sick, I leave the kitchen a mess and go to bed when I am tired.

A little later I passed up an opportunity for promotion because I knew it would be too stressful. Then I quit to become a stay at home mum, and I now work part time freelance. I am lucky to have financial freedom to do this as DH still has a steady job.

You have to retrain yourself to accept that you have physical limits and be willing to prioritize your health over other things.