Do I have to take LO to clinic to see HV or should they be visiting us at home???

[Paranoid1stTimer]

LO is just over 3 weeks old and 2 HV have been to see us. 2nd HV was a bit of a Hyacinth Bucket - very snobby and aloof and condescending. Of course, this is going to be our HV for the next however long it is. I don't see me being able to tell her how I went out into the garden and cried by myself yesterday because I don't think I can cope. I made the mistake of mentioning some of the old fashioned advice MIL has been forcing on me and HV went off on one about "Dont ever do this this or this blah blah" and I said "I wasnt going to!!!" but she belted on about how stupid the advice was and not to do X,Y,Z. I was just trying to make conversation with the woman!!

Anyway, she was then trying to arrange for me to take LO up to the clinic (30 mins away as I dont drive) but I thought Health "visitor" meant they come round to visit you at home and you just take LO up to the clinic for immunisations. Am I totally wrong about this?

Also, if we really don't get on, what can I do? I thought HV were meant to support and try to help you in the best interest of the baby?!?

Sorry for being a bit b!tchy on this one but I am feeling pretty down and this aint helping.

Thank you

You sound like you need a cup of tea!!

Around here you take baby to the local baby clinic monthly. Our was a t a parent & toddler group and I was lucky as mine was a 5 min drive. is there someone who could take you there maybe? TBH you usually meet some other parents and maybe find some others who have babies of a simialr age living near you.

You don't need to see much of the HV if you don't want to & you can ask to see a different one if you really don't like this one. I'd say give her a second chance. Your baby is only 3 wks old - you must be exhausted & emotional & you'll be taking everything to heart.

Good luck

Sorry - also - everyone feels like their not coping brilliantly at the start. Please don't be too down - but do you have someone you can talk to about how you are feeling? - it doesn't have to be the HV!!!

They only visit you at home once or twice to start with
You go to the clinic if you want LO weighed or to ask advice

You can also call them for advice on the telephone of course

Here, the HVs will visit you for as long as you feel you need it, or you can see them at the clinic. You can also ask them to call round at any time, although they give you the spiel about the clinic when they come to see you. We also have a mental health nurse attached to the HVs (not literally , who is great for those weeping in the garden moments.

Call them and ask them to come out to you, and say you just don't feel great and would like a home visit as you don't feel comfortable discussing things at the clinic. Like all NHS departments, they are incredibly over-stretched and try to get people to come to them as they can see more that way; but they will still do home visits of asked. And try not to be too hard on yourself; 3 weeks is an awful time. In fact it's the worst time I think; your hormones are still flying all over the place, but everyone expects you to be back to normal and up ladders cleaning windows!

congratulations on your baby, and I hope you are feeling more chipper soon. And if you aren't, please don't be afraid to tell your HV.

My HV only came round the first couple of times, after that had to go to the clinic. You might not have to see to much of your HV - where I am contact is pretty ad-hoc, and have only gone to have children weighed when I chose to go, so even if you dont like your HV you might not have to see too much of her.
Alternatively, if you think that you will need a bit more support from a HV, maybe there might be more than one based at your GP practice and you could ask for a different one?

they come to you maybe twie in first month. after that if you want to see them you go to their clinic. if you really need them you can ask them to visit you. you don't HAVE to see them at all if you don't want to. they usually come out periodically for 8 month/2 year checks too.

Here HV comes out for first visit but by and large you take baby to the drop-in clinic after that. I think if you score highly on some risk factors or are really struggling then they may come out to see you. To be honest, this time round (second child) I'm not intending to bother to take DD to see them at all. If you don't feel they are enriching your life there's no need to involve them after the first couple of weeks.

Thanks very much for the positive posts. I suppose I am expecting too much from myself at the moment. I keep forgetting it is only 3 weeks since our LO arrived in our lives and turned everything upside down. You put so much effort into worrying about the actual labour, you forget to "read up" on the actual first few weeks with a newborn baby bit of things!!!

Good to know the HV is only meant to come round a couple times at first and then you can go to the clinic if you want. I had visions of having to treck all the way up to the clinic every week. They weigh LO naked (SIL says her HV comes round to her all the time and weighs LO in a dry nappy rather than risking them pee/poo all over the place) and he screams the place down which is stressful enough without having to cart him all the way up there for him to get all upset. She isnt a hands on HV either where the other one likes to cuddle LO and interact with them.

Well, thanks again for the info and advice. I do need a cup of tea!!! You are right - it must be the hormones and I suppose I just don't want to have to admit to being a bit depressed in case they think I am not coping and take LO away from me (I know this is silly thinking but it is sooo hard as you all know)

Nothing at all wrong with being depressed -- and if you don't find your HV approachable you can go to your own GP about it. PND isn't a reflection on you and is eminently treatable, so if you do think you've got more than a simple case of baby blues then don't suffer in silence.

Para - I've seen the HV once and then went to a baby clinic and then she said I didn't have to go unless I had concerns about DD putting on weight or anything else etc.

These first weeks are hard, come back to March 08 board as you will see that lots are experiencing the same things. Am sure you're coping brilliantly, I hated it when the HV came as I thought they would be all judgey and think that if she was crying that I was doing something worng. At the clinic all the babies were crying and it's not really as much of a one on one experience so was certainly a less intimidating experience for me and there were loads of diff HVs there too so you could always just see someone else.