Has anyone had experience or any advice re. a parent who clearly needs medical attention but refuses to go to the doctor?
My mother's mobility is terrible - her legs are massively swollen, she can barely bend her knees, getting up from a chair, in and out of a car, or even stepping over the threshold of a door is an effort for her. Walking 50m leaves her completely out of breath. She now only goes out about once a week, to the shop, and has a reclusive life.
She's 77 years old. Her twin sister is fit and healthy, despite having had (and recovered from) two hip replacements and breast cancer.
Her diet is terrible. She actually doesn't eat much at all, and what she does eat is ultra processed food and too much wine. She was alcoholic when I was younger, probably still is.
I suspect heart failure. My husband is a paramedic, he agrees she should see a doctor.
She flat out refuses, gets very angry when I bring it up. I think she's worried that they'll tell her she needs to make some lifestyle changes (which she won't do) or will find something serious wrong, which she doesn't want to deal with.
I feel like it is surely at least worth finding out if there's a medication that can help with the swollen legs...Why choose to be in pain?
I tried speaking to the GP, I'm not named on her record as being able to discuss her health with, but they agreed to phone her and invite her for a blood pressure check. She told them she'd make an appointment, but hasn't. They haven't followed up.
Her twin sister lives abroad. They see each other max once a year. She's shocked at the state of my mum, asks me can't I get her to see a doctor....,My sister lives a couple of hours away, we see her maybe 3-4 times a year, she's pretty disinterested.
My relationship with my mum is terrible, I think I basically can't accept that she's choosing this. I feel like I've 'saved' her a couple of times before (I got us out of a domestic violence situation with my father when I was 16, and chose my family home because it had a granny annexe in the garden, so she could live there as she ran out of money).
Any advice much appreciated- either on how to get her medical attention, or how to accept she won't get any snd stop letting it ruin our relationship.