People with bi-polar - how do you wish people to treat you?

[mummabubbalova]

I always seem to get it wrong!

as normal

Like a dangerous wild animal, please. Lots of nodding and smiling. And with the faintest hint of a repressed snigger.

hth

I will probably get flamed for this but I think its such hard work to know the right things to say not to set them off

My ex has what is now called bi polar and every time he has an episode he is really nasty stops seeing his son etc then some how its all blamed on me - even if I havnt spoken to him in weeks

Even realising you are being sarky Greensleeves, that is how I now do behave, after as Urban says treating them"as normal". which means telling my friend when she was wrong to do something and her having an episode of weeping and wailing and having to go to the doc/her dh and mother accusing me of attacking poor Sharon / for the next few weeks lots of loud conversations about "unkind people not understanding her illness" etc.

PB - that is what I mean "set them off"

oh god, sorry mummabubba, that wasn't very nice of me

I have a hangover and a difficult house guest and the children are revolting

seriously - I think it's virtually impossible to get it right with bi-polar people. I would try and think more in terms of damage limitation and protecting yourself emotionally.

my mother has bi-polar or something very similar to it (BPD IMO) and it totally drained the life out of all of us.

Sorry for my stupid flippant post

i was oing to say something but possibly i shouldnt now i have read the thread

aah my first MN apology !
That's ok Greensleeves, tbh i did expect a few comments thinking i was being daft asking, but I do appreciate from people who have it or the family that have to suffer from it how they want to be treated.
Because IMO "normally" isnt enough

My dad has bipolar, and has been hospitalised twice, each time for several weeks. I assume you're concerned about how to treat someone in a 'high' - this is certainly when I find it most difficult to deal with someone. When my Dad is high, he is literally the most annoying person I have ever met - pompous, aggressive, shouty, deluded, etc. This person couldn't be further removed from my normal Dad, who is a lovely, mild-mannered, caring man. This is a horrible illness that robs people of their personalities when they are in a manic or depressed episode.

If there is one thing I have learned over the years it is NOT to try and reason with the person in this state. It seems horrible and patronising to say 'humour them', but getting into conflict is utterly pointless - like trying to reason with a drunk. We had to fight hard to get my Dad diagnosed and treated, and it's really hard to get adequate support from the medical profession, but it is there if you keep fighting for it. The last time he got high, we swooped in, got the CPN and local Crisis Team involved then stepped back and let them do their job, with one of us visiting Dad most days (as opposed to totally taking over!). We avoided getting into conversations about anything deep or meaningful, although he would try, and it was so much better afterwards - we didn't come out of it feeling battered and bruised.

I am happy to say his condition is now well controlled but we know what to do should this happen again.

thanks for that insight Paddington99. You must feel like you are walking on egg shells a lot.

Do you think something YOU say can start him off on a high or is it not controlled by outside forces?

Honestly, I don't. I think outside forces have played a part in bring on a manic episode, but these have been much more significant things than what someone has said to him. I'm talking about divorce, death, romances, that kind of thing.

It sounds as if you might be wondering if you're to blame for your friend's moods - or maybe someone is trying to make you feel this way. I'm no expert, but I can't imagine that this is the case. As you say, bipolar is an illness - the sufferer is the main victim, but not the only one. On the other hand, I do think that if someone is high, it's easy to engage in arguments with them, and this probably makes the experience worse for them and damages your relationship.

I have learned that it is not productive to try to tell someone what they're doing is wrong while they're in the grip of mania or depression. However, I've also learned that if you spend much time with them it's almost impossible not to do this. It was hard to 'pull back' during the last manic episode, but having done it I am now convinced it was the right thing to do.

I hope I don't sound critical or judgemental. Believe me, if you'd seen how I've acted in the past (and could well do so again) you'd know that I'm in no position to judge. I have every sympathy for the friends and family of bipolar sufferers, and I really hope this gets better for you.

I discovered my DH was bi-polar when he went through a stressful time at work, his behaviour became increasingly weird until one weekend when he became completely unrecognisable. It was a bolt out of the blue for me - he's a gentle, reliable, witty, passionate, STABLE, thoughtful, caring person (but no, he's not Mr Perfect - although he does do the ironing!) I can safely say this was the worst thing I have ever been through. I tried to keep our DS's out of his way (they were 8 and 4 at the time) and eventually got him admitted to hospital via ambulance. He spent three weeks on the most depressing NHS psychiatric ward - and I was in pieces. But he got the drugs, slowly crawled back to normality, was discharged from hospital - then lost his job and went through the most monumental depression; we were told we were not entitled to CPN or anything! I don't know how we did it but we all got through it. He takes his meds which have been drastically reduced and is now entirely the man he always was - no repeats in over four years. I try to treat him just like normal - and we don't make a big deal of it socially as we have experienced EXTREME prejudice with regard to mental health issues - hence him losing his job initially. But I still find it really hard to deal with; I spent the first two years after looking for a sign of a recurrence; I still think I've lost an element of trust. But I am aware that it's just an illness, best treated by professionals - and we just try to get on with our lives. What more can you do?

Hope you get some more replies. Interested in hearing what those dx with bpad have to say. So far, there is more from friends/family of people with bpad.

well the answer is just like a normal person ladylush

its because you dont want top be treated differently you dont tell people

Well quite, I kinda thought the op meant what is the best way to deal with someone when unwell but obviously everyone is unique so will respond differently in different situations.