How long does my grandmother have to live?

[hotpotlover]

I appreciate it's different for everyone, but what is people's general experience with this?
My grandmother is 91 and is in a care home.

Over the last couple of weeks she's deteriorated and has gotten weaker. She still drinks, but only eats soup and rarely any solid food now as she has no appetite.

She can still talk, but sleeps more now. A few weeks ago she still wanted to sit in her wheelchair, but now she wants to stay in bed all day long.

My mother asked her carers how long they thought she had left and they said a few weeks.

They said they base it on changes in her skin colour and that she's getting weaker all the time.

I live abroad with 3 small children and hoped I could see her one more time when I visit in the summer.

There's no chance for that, is there? xx

It is an unanswerable question with any accuracy. I cared for my Mil like that for 7 months. My DM was drinking her tea, put it down and died. The 3 weeks is just the best guess from people with experience.

A relative of mine in their 90’s kept rallying, lived a lot longer than we thought.

Very hard to say
However if you really want to see her one last time can you travel now ?

Firstly, I'm sorry to read this

You're right, it is different with everyone, so people can only comment from their own experience.

In my experience, my lovely, dear Grandmother who was 91 had a very limited appetite at the end, and would only take very small mouthfuls of anything, then just not eating at all. For her it was around a week, and it happened very quickly. I'm positive that she knew that she wasn't long for this world.

If you can't get over sooner, could you maybe call her? Or send an email to someone and ask them to read it to her?

I am sorry for your situation. Carers/ nurses can only tell within a few days if someone is going to die. Your GM is clearly declining . Would it be possible for you to come over for a day or two on your own to see her?

I lost my mum recently after a long illness and dementia. The health care workers and carers are very experienced with the elderly and dying. They explained the various stages of mums death and I was really impressed how they knew all the things the average person has no clue about.
We were advised about skin colour, the amount of sleeping they do (increases a lot when at EOL), the rigidity in their arms, their breathing, and obviously their pulse. Pain is monitored and they are able to tell by several factors.
Finally there is often a musty smell as the internal organs are dying.
My mum had a really peaceful death after seven years of illness and dementia, thanks to the wonderful palliative care nurse on duty on her home the night she passed.

It’s impossible to predict… it’s very hard. Often the carers will know more than anybody else as they have closest contact.

In Summer 2022 my then 93 year old Grandad was very ill in hospital.

I am very very close to him but I live 250 miles away and i had proper heart breaking final good byes.
He was moved into a care home...... we didnt expect him to even last a week..... (or even to come out of hospital at all)

He has not been out of bed at all for 18m now. Hes is really not well, and has a long list of health problems....

But it's his 95th birthday this coming week and he's still alive.

Thanks everyone - unfortunately I can't visit right now, but my mother puts me on WhatsApp video call whenever she visits her.

My grandmother has said herself for the last few weeks that she would die soon and that she felt it was her time to go.

I've always thought that this wasn't true and we would have more time, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case.

I remember I visited my grandma one Sunday, she was sat in her chair. It was hard to have a conversation though.

The following Sunday she had deteriorated and was now in bed the whole time. She was weak but was awake - she knew it was me and I held her hand. She just lay there and I held her hand.

On the Weds after that the staff told my mother and uncle that she was probably on the final road - my parents and uncle went that night and back again early in the morning. The staff moved her bed so it stuck out into the room - so everyone could gather around her.

She died about 10am on the Thursday morning with all of us there.

The staff said it was relatively quick - sometimes the stage from being weak and in bed with no appetite to dying can take a few weeks but in grandmas case it was about a week/10'days I guess.

Fl

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t leave it until the summer if you want to see her.