Cancer Support Thread 93 - The Thread for the Dread and the Not Yet Dead? Everything you need to know about Cancer but didn’t want to know

[LemonDrizzle10]

Shiny new thread.

@Enigma52 I am in Unison. I haven't been home long & the local branch close at 4:30 so I'll ring when there's more time to talk it through - that's likely to be Friday now.

& yes seriously. Wish I was bloody joking. The whole thing's a joke.

Hopefully I'll not suffer any side effects with the Denosumab 🤔 that'll be a barrel of laughs won't it!

The more I think about it, the more I think they deliberately gave me the most difficult 1:1 child on purpose, hoping I'd not go back then. There are other, more experienced, staff who would have been the more logical choice than me.

I've, unsurprisingly, heard not one single thing about Occupational Health since requesting an in person rather than telephone meeting 🤔

@lucysmam yes get yourself over to UNISON if you can; they should be able to help ( well that's what we pay them for!)

1:1 is tough. I've done that role a few times and couldn't do it now. Maybe as part of your reasonable adjustments, you should be asking them for a different child? 🤔

Stand your ground. Don't let them force you out.

@lucysmam I agree contacting unison and Macmillan may be useful. I always thought that cancer was a protected characteristic and we supposed to be protected under the equalities act.
It must be so stressful x

Paul Ritter..... phrase springs to mind..
"Shit on it"

How lovely of them, well they can fuckity feck do one, I would share as little information with them as necessary. Just no sense at all.

Love this!! 👏

@demivolte I hope you find a nice bra in your size. They're called mastectomy bras and various companies sell them. Just make sure they have pockets for the prothesis, but they should have if they're called mastectomy bras.

@lucysmam I'm so sorry to hear that. It's really sad and wrong how the school are treating you. I have the feeling they could be acting illegally telling you you can't have any time off except for appointments - so in other words no time off if unwell, which is obviously completely outrageous, although they probably hadn't thought of that one. It gives the feeling they are sort of taking a disciplinary tone with you doesn't it, which is so damn inappropriate especially after you went to such lengths to avoid medical appointments during school hours and considering your diagnosis and treatments.

Also, what's that with the random 6 week timeframe? It sounds rather arbitrary. Cancer patients are protected by the Equality Act 2010 (EA2010) so you do have rights, not only regarding time off but also reasonable adjustments as I think someone mentioned earlier - maybe the union could advise whether you could request the reasonable adjustment of not being expected to do 1-2-1 the whole time because you find it exhausting and too demanding. If it comes to it, why not get a fit note from your doctor and go on sick pay for a while until you feel well enough to deal with their shit again.

I tried going back to work part time recently, but had to give in. I have paused it, hopefully before anyone else noticed I wasn't doing a good job. My brain needs more time, or maybe it's been destroyed too much, who knows. Coming up spontaneously with the right words, complex sentence analysis and whatnot with jargon thrown in was simply impossible for me. I couldn't focus longer than a couple of minutes instead of the time expected, and often found my mind had gone blank. I like my work so am hoping it'll be possible at some point.

Been very tearful today.

Thanks all, I've messaged the breast nurse to see if she can point me in the right direction of someone who can help me out here, and will ring Unison on Friday. I actually might message the rep tomorrow and see if he could call me after work on Friday, rather than spend ages trying to get through again.

It's like I'm being punished for having cancer ffs. Because of course my body malfunctioned on purpose 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

@SummerCycling yes, it is almost disciplinary. I can't bloody help it if I am unwell...it's likely to be something caught there if I am since we let the kids come even when they/their parents stand on the yard and tell us they were sick in the night (or whatever). The 6 weeks was the ht's decision...which she then had to double check how long she'd said 🙄

Even one of the women I work with commented that she'd get it if I was stacking up random days but they're all bloody related to the meds I need/actually being really properly unwell for months. Not just I got up & couldn't be arsed to go in. & they know this shit already!

I went in for weeks while the gp kept insisting on phone appointments & I was very unwell. Maybe they'd rather run me down to that again 🤔

Sorry to see going back didn't work out for you just yet. How long will you give it before trying again?

@lucysmam
Cancer is covered under the disability discrimination act you need to fill in your DDE form - MacMillan can help you with it

It sounds like they have put you on a level one action plan, which is normal and sets a timeframe for which you have to aim for full attendance. However, under DDE, cancer is not classed as sickness absence in the same way therefore it's not appropriate to put you on an action plan.

@Tilllly I am sending you a hugely unmumsnetty kiss right now 😘 that is just the sort of info I needed, thank you! Where would I obtain this form? I'm off for a google.

Also, just thinking about it, presumably they (and HR who are copied into everything) will know that cancer absence is not classed the same way & are just trying their luck.

Which now makes me think even more that they're trying to...bully (not quite the word I want) me out.

And google was not helpful finding the form - lots of other DDE things though 🤣

@lucysmam Good luck with your union and MacMillan. I think you need their support with this, and they are there for you. I'm not surprised you feel bullied.

You're definitely covered by the Equality Act as disabled, see this:

you automatically meet the disability definition under the Equality Act 2010 from the day you’re diagnosed with HIV infection, cancer or multiple sclerosis.

From: https://www.gov.uk/definition-of-disability-under-equality-act-2010#:~:text=People%20with%20progressive%20conditions%20can,infection%2C%20cancer%20or%20multiple%20sclerosis.

About my work, I'll try in a few months. I am not receiving any sick pay from them any more, and my managers are very kind, so thank goodness I have flexibility regarding when to try again and how many hours.

@lucysmam
Your work should have it
It's specific to the workplace but it's usually only a page or 2
Took me 5 minutes to fill mine in

Am shocked HR didn't provide it from the start
That's their job!

www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/practically/the-disability-discrimination-act-equality-act-and-cancer#:~:text=The%20Equality%20Act%20considers%20a,Act%20gives%20you%20important%20rights.

There you go

Your employer is being a knob
And illegal I think

That all sounds very stressful @lucysmam.
My stress levels have gone up again- I’ve got a problem with my thyroid, have been referred for a scan by the GP.

@Tilllly what does the DDE stand for? I have a feeling they're going to play dumb on this...

@LemonDrizzle10 it's just one thing after another, after another, after another in this shit show 😠

It’s fun isn’t it @lucysmam.
I really wish this train would stop now so I could get off.
Ex H was being a knob too, but hopefully got him back in his box with another court order.
I need a yoga retreat somewhere.

Work have no clue what a DDE form is. Not surprised. & apparently they can tell me 6wks no absence!

Work should not make me cry 😥 I'm just on my break & it's all shit!!

@SummerCycling has your employer left your position open, for when you want to return again? If so, that's very good. How are you feeling today?

@lucysmam You definitely need the support of MacMillan and UNISON. Sounds like they are trying it on, but maybe acting illegally. Definitely seek advice. Are you still with the same child 1-1?

I've got my occupational health review next week. Goodness knows how that will go. Also work in a school and really don't know how I'm going to manage physically and mentally.

@LemonDrizzle10 can I join you on the yoga retreat please?

@Enigma52 yep, you can join on the yoga retreat. I had reflexology yesterday and the lady doing it told me about a place that does yoga days - I’m looking into those. If you’re in the South East message me. I’d ideally head off to Greece or somewhere- meanwhile I’m on hold to the scan department to make a booking. Sigh - or ‘breathe out’.

Hi can I ask a question. When we go to the hospital for an appointment with the consultant, do they send a letter a week later explaining what he spoke about? I had an appointment last week about my tumor size and a letter arrived today. I couldn’t read it, I just shoved it in the cupboard. I don’t want to ready about any hidden surprises. Xx

@LemonDrizzle10 I'm In the NW, but starting some reflexology and reiki next week at the local hospice ( 6 free sessions, thanks to The Christie hospital)

Definitely " breathe out" and think of Greece.

@Shityshitybangbang The discussions I've had with my oncologist and any other bodies present ( usually a BCN) are always detailed in letter and received roughly a week later.

I used to shove any brown envelopes under a pile of other stuff. Now, I make a coffee, grab a biscuit and read slowly. I then file and digest. M

When I was receiving a letter every other day re: my fibroid ( which was wasn't) they ended up with DS's chemistry coursework!!

Hi yes that's about the right timeframe xx

Enigma52 · Today 14:10
i just can’t bring myself to read it, I’m to scared. What if it says it can’t be treated or the tumours to big or it’s spread? Or something he’s not told me face to face. We have discussed another scan in three months to see if there is a change. I realise it needs to come out.

@Shityshitybangbang Your consultant would have discussed everything face to face. They don't hide information from patients; that's not good practice.

When you feel ready, open the letter and just take your time. Honestly, there will not be anything in that letter, which won't have been discussed at your appointment.