Ok...this will sound mental. STI question.

[greeneyedgirl]

Ok, I have only had 5 partners in my life and although I used condoms with them (within relationships), we stopped using them when I went onto the pill. I am seeing someone new (around 2.5 months) and we are currently not using condoms (seems to be a prob for him ). Although I have no symptoms etc etc, I am having a sudden irrational fear that I have something horrible like AIDS (I do suffer from anxiety btw) and I don't know where the fear has come from. Would the docs think I was a basket case if I asked for a test? Don't want to go to the GUM clinic as I went there before (for a thrush problem as it turned out) and it was rather scary. Oh and (ONCE) I slept with someone, kind of like a one night stand and we didn't use anything, I told the dr about this as I had a medical prob that was caused by the MAP I took. He just told me not to beat myself up over it and that loads of people make mistakes and never suggested I have any tests done. Am I bonkers to be panicking like this all of a sudden?

I would get a check - why not? Better to know, especially if you just stop using condoms without getting an all clear first.

HIV is rare if you do not do any of the risk behaviours, although becoming more common in heterosexual relationships.

I think in this day and age where we do tend to have more sexual partners it is perfectly fine, and should really be encouraged, to have a sexual MOT. Go have one, and, pretty importantly, if not using condoms with new guy, get him to have one too.

where are you from? if you have only been seeing someone for 2-5 months i would wait as there is a window for HIV to be seen, it will not shoe in the blood for at least 6 months. i must admit that your partner is being selfish and just think if he has this attitude with you it probably means that he has never used protection before. i would suggest he had a test too. maybe not want you want to hear sorry. but like said before chances are very slim but remember that when you sleep with someone unprotected you are also sleeping wiht their ex partners and thier partners etc iyswim?

Yes, I think I have to bite the bullet so to speak. To be honest I had only ever been with my OH until we split a few years ago. The 4 other partners have been since him, so hence why I probably don't sound as clued up as I should be. I suppose it would be easier to go to the GUM clinic and just grit my teeth (it hurt last time, I am quite sensitive "down there"), at least I had my smear done in December, so won't need that again.

its not too bad, i think the key is to relax - seriously they see more bits than you do cups of tea.

Oh, don't get me wrong, since having dd I don't give a flying....who sees my bits, but the swabs just always hurt me. The last smear I had, I bled really badly (but it came back normal), when I was in labour the VEs were absolute agony and none of the midwives believed me, they thought I was just being a wuss. Yet I have no pain from sex or anything and the nurse who did my smear said everything "looked" normal. I guess I must just be unlucky!

I would be waaaaay more concerned that this guy isn't using protection and presumably avoided doing so with all his partners before you.

Please be careful and stop having sex with him till you are both tested. If he is respectful and worth staying with, he will agree. It only takes a couple of weeks to get the result, if that.

I used to regularly get an HIV test from my gynaecologist - I would just ask her to prescribe it when I went for my contraception check-up and pill prescription. Best to know.

I wonder if this slightly irrational concern about a potential sti even though you have no symptoms is more about the fact that you are letting this new partner put you at risk?

In what way are they "a problem" for him? Putting your health at risk (and you are - you've only known him 2 months!) is a problem for you, so why are you letting him?

Greeneyed girl, sorry to sound like we're telling you off, the thing is I've had so many men say 'Oh I don't like durex, I can't do it when I'm wearing them, I lose all sensation' that it just makes me laugh if a bloke says that now.

The last one said it was because he was circumcised and had little sensation anyway...well I just made him wear them and guess what, he 'came' for the 'first time ever' wearing a condom. Yeah, right!

you are not bonkers to be panicking, as you are having sex without a condom... apart from HIV, what about clamydia?

agree with turquoise on this one and flight

condoms are a must, until you both get a clean bill of health.

I know you are all right. I will talk to him, obviously if he thinks I am a weirdo he isn't worth bothering with, I do realise that. I am beginning to think that it would just be much easier to not go out with anyone at all, it seems to be more hassle than it's worth. Obv now I will convince myself I have loads of diseases until I can get an appt, then will have to wait weeks for the results, whilst panicking even more. What a nightmare, then if I have given him something I will feel awful, I am the first person he has been with since he split with his wife last year .

Problems with condoms my arse.

Use femidom.

Ok, let me just put one thing straight, DP hasn't said he won't ever use condoms, he is a very nice guy and wouldn't put me in that position. But the difference with and without condoms is quite marked, although I don't want to go into details, is just not fair on him. So I have to take alot of the responsibility for not using them, I really don't want everyone on here thinking he is some kind of arsehole! I seem to have a sensitivity to latex myself and we were using the non latex ones which he found quite uncomforatble (were VERY tight at the base IFSWIM), so I am not sure what to use to suit us both.

There isn't a lot of point having a sexual health check unless he does too.

You can both go to GUM and have an MOT, then if you get the OK you can relax a bit.

GGYG - there are some new non latex condoms on the market that are larger but seem to "mould" to an individuals shape. they are made by pasante and can be accessed through your Genito urinary medicine clinic and some family planning clinics.

I think you neeed to be talking this all through with him. HIV is indeed rare but other STOs like chylamidia, warts and herpes arent. These can be sympton less so it might be worthwhile getting checked out. through work i suggest this to new couples as standard before they stop using barrier methods. it's the old talk, trust, test, trust approach.

STOs???? i meant STIs!!!

I did ask the nurse who did my smear if she thought I needed a Chlamydia test and she she said no lol. I say lol because she probably said no cos she was grossed out at all the blood and obvious discomfort I was feeling during the smear. TBH, there is only one out of the 5 partners I have had (including current DP) who I am worried about and that is the one night stand, so all the worry stems from that one experience (which was absolutely dreadful).