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Original poster

Snoring. Can anything be done

47 replies

Thunderstruckbysnoring · 27/01/2024 06:19

I'm away at friend's house but instead of lying in the warm spare bed under fresh linens and feeling comfy, I'm on their sofa. I'm sick of this. Every night DH snores. On a good night it wakes me at 5 ish but usually it's 4am when I must be in lighter sleep. I could cry. I'm sick of being on the sofa. Here, their sofa is lovely and comfy and I had the foresight to plan and being a spare duvet but I could be having a lie in yet won't be as he is now snoring away.
At home I decamp every day. Do I need to make him move ? We have no spare room or other sleeping arrangements.
Can anything actually fix snoring? I'm inundated with adverts for chin straps, mouth guards etc. he's tried nose strips, nasal spray and a clip that goes on the nose but it doesn't work. I can actually hear him down here and our friends' new house is big. I want to help fix it as I know it's not on purpose but it's making me feel murderous. Help!

OP posts:
pregnancymakesmeeatapples · 27/01/2024 06:24

It's actually a really serious problem and a much bigger contribution to divorce than people realize - tiredness actually is a torture and leads to arguments, resentment etc

My ex-husband snoored so badly I slept in the car, current husband has started snooring but he's more considerate and considering surgery

Make sure to roll him on ti his side if he's snooring, and isn't overweight

NoTeaNoShade · 27/01/2024 06:24

Sorry to hear that OP, must be miserable. Have you tried earplugs? I wouldn't be without mine.

Is your DH overweight? Even a small loss in weight can reduce or eliminate snoring quite quickly, though not helpful in the very short term.

Can you ask him to sleep on the couch??

DcatAnnie · 27/01/2024 06:25

DH was an extreme snorer. Turns out he has severe sleep apnea. A CPAP machine has changed his life, he no longer snores and has so much more energy. Sleep apnea can lead to heart problems as in DH’s case so it should be taken seriously.

Original poster
Thunderstruckbysnoring · 27/01/2024 06:28

I've just told him it's intolerable. He's the heaviest he's ever been (so am I so it's clearly our lifestyle s d age catching up ) so weight loss will help. We were drinking last night too but seriously. I could cry. The bed is so lovely and comfy.
Our friend gave me ear plugs but they fell out - happy ears ones which were v comfy but clearly don't stay in for me.
I'm going to try to nap now before the children get up but I can hear him
Rumbling away. Aaaassaassaarrrrrrgggghhh
We are on shaky marital ground anyway and this doesn't help. I'm exhausted.

OP posts:
alpenguin · 27/01/2024 06:34

Oh I totally sympathise. My partner now sleeps Downstairs on a sofa bed and I still hear him and the walls of the house bloody rattle. He thinks nothing of it but does complain of a sore throat. He has a mouthguard given to him by a snoring specialist at a hospital but he doesn’t like wearing it. I’ve asked him to do something about it too as he’s always falling asleep in the chair so it’s clearly affecting him in other ways too. I totally understand how it ruins relationships.

Original poster
Thunderstruckbysnoring · 27/01/2024 10:07

I got another couple of hours on the sofa. He's said he doesn't need to go to the GP but I'm exhausted and a bit upset too. This should be a lovely weekend away and it is, but I'd have loved a little lie in , in their gorgeous guest room. Oh well

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 27/01/2024 10:51

He needs a sleep study. To see if he's got sleep apnoea. There are treatments for that.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/01/2024 10:52

Why can't he sleep on the sofa. Why should it always be you.

Original poster
Thunderstruckbysnoring · 27/01/2024 22:57

I was wide awake and he was still snoozing so made sense for me to move. He's said he'll move tonight though so we shall see...

OP posts:
janicegarvey · 28/01/2024 00:53

Mine snores and It's so hard to not be resentful

He sometimes sleeps downstairs on the sofa but that makes me feel like we've got marriage problems and we're old and tragic sleeping apart . And I feel guilty but we don't have a spare bedroom and I'm fucked if I'm the one on the couch

Sympathies Flowers

Original poster
Thunderstruckbysnoring · 28/01/2024 05:34

5.30 and back on the sofa again

OP posts:
LadyMargaretDevereux · 28/01/2024 05:52

It sounds as if he doesn't really take this seriously. My dh was like that for years and only recently has really understood how bad his snoring is. He has some sort of app on his phone that recorded him and that was quite a shock.

LadyMargaretDevereux · 28/01/2024 05:54

Your dh needs to start the night somewhere else, not move when the snoring gets too bad, as that's unlikely to happen!

DJSteves · 28/01/2024 06:10

Husband needs to go to the doctor. I had this for 10 years. My husband ended up doing a sleep trial in hospital and was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and now has an Apap. He had to buy the machine himself and it wasn't cheap, but we now sleep in the same bed all night every night. Game changer.

ShufflingAlong · 28/01/2024 06:11

I snore and my DH snores. Not extremely but we both snore more when overweight. I also find pillows that raise my head helps. So losing weight and raising my head has almost stopped my snoring according to DH.

He obviously should seek a medical assessment but if he isn't willing then he should be trying the simply things to reduce the snoring.

missfliss · 28/01/2024 06:38

My husband and I sleep in separate rooms now ( I know not necessarily possible or desirable for everyone but it is what it is).

Snoring wrecks health and marriages. I'm not prepared to ruin myself for his problem. He has been to doctor and awaiting outcomes of sleep aponea machine tests.

It's not his fault and because I get sleep I don't actively resent him for it- but equally I would resent him so much if he didn't understand the scale of the impact on me.

Original poster
Thunderstruckbysnoring · 28/01/2024 08:14

Thanks all for the virtual support and shared experience. I'm so tired and got a long drive ahead today too. It's really wearing and I know he's annoyed when I say I'm tired. To him he thinks he's always snored but it's never been this bad that I'm moving every night

OP posts:
Globetrote · 28/01/2024 08:23

Tell your DH to go to the GP and ask for a referral to be assessed for sleep apnea. If he refuses, turf him out on the sofa every time.

DH finally went to the GP after years of snoring (and my badgering) and after tests were done he was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea, and the second worst case the consultant had ever seen. He now had a CPAP machine (free from hospital) and it has transformed how he feels plus sleep is peaceful for both of us.

Untreated sleep apnea raises the risk of heart disease, strokes, diabetes, high blood pressure, and exhaustion. It’s not just a noise irritation- it can be serious.

PrawnDumplings · 28/01/2024 19:42

DcatAnnie · 27/01/2024 06:25

DH was an extreme snorer. Turns out he has severe sleep apnea. A CPAP machine has changed his life, he no longer snores and has so much more energy. Sleep apnea can lead to heart problems as in DH’s case so it should be taken seriously.

Does the machine make a noise?

PrawnDumplings · 28/01/2024 19:44

DJSteves · 28/01/2024 06:10

Husband needs to go to the doctor. I had this for 10 years. My husband ended up doing a sleep trial in hospital and was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and now has an Apap. He had to buy the machine himself and it wasn't cheap, but we now sleep in the same bed all night every night. Game changer.

How do you get referred to the hospital? If they are overweight, won't the Dr just tell them to loose weight?

DocOck · 28/01/2024 19:46

We have this too except we both snore, so we play ping pong waking each other up until I cave and sleep on the sofa. It's not ideal and it does feel damaging to our relationship, however I sleep so well on the sofa.

We've tried most things, so the next thing is weight loss as that's probably contributing as we're both at our biggest I think. I don't think either of us have sleep apnea.

spiderlight · 28/01/2024 19:55

Mine was adamant that he didn't snore and definitely didn't have sleep apnea until I recorded him - he was horrified. He has a sleep clinic appointment next month and if they don't give him a CPAP I don't know what I'll do. I lie there some nights almost suicidal.

Workingitout1 · 28/01/2024 20:05

A couple of things

DP snored. Stopped drinking (totally) and the snoring stopped. Now he has a beer or two once a month and is fine. More than that? He’s on the sofa.

when he snored initially I did what you do. I got to breaking point. I started waking him EVERY time I woke. And re waking him if he went to sleep and I wasn’t asleep and he started snoring again. He hated it. Got REALLY pissed off (it’s not my fault I can’t help it etc - to which I was like it’s not mine and why do I get to not sleep?). Eventually could see why I was pissed off and took himself to spare bed or sofa. Honestly; there are usually things they can do. Weight loss, drinking, see a doctor to see if there is something else. It was the it’s not affecting me it’s not my problem, I don’t care if I’m wrecking your ability to function that got to me.

love him.

love him more once he realised he was causing me a problem and he could try to do something to not disturb me.

love him even more now I get some fecking sleep.

You shouldn’t be the one on the sofa.

QueenOfHiraeth · 28/01/2024 20:12

PrawnDumplings · 28/01/2024 19:44

How do you get referred to the hospital? If they are overweight, won't the Dr just tell them to loose weight?

Show quote history

DH has been to the doctor several times about this and more than one GP has told him specialists will not accept a referral for this if overweight so they do just send him away and tell him to lose weight

MrsRelo · 28/01/2024 20:13

Ok so my daughter’s orthodontist said 9/10 snoring can be resolved by re-learning to breathe through your nose. And that most snorers are mouth-breathers.

DH snores like an elephant. He’s slim, doesn’t drink much at all (ie only every few weeks/socially) so we believe it’s mainly because he’s a mouth-breather.

The orthodontist was convinced that with breathing exercises snorers can basically stop snoring.

It’s interesting as I have become more aware of how I sleep, and definitely I breathe more through my nose when I’m relaxing / going to bed. DH definitely uses his mouth more.

Orthodontist also recommended a book. Will try to find it.