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Can’t look after child or myself (more of a rant than anything)

23 replies

LoriAnn · 18/01/2024 20:35

I am really struggling at the moment, I’ve been suffering with extreme pain, tiredness, dizziness and confusion, signed off work for two months (I normally work full time) and my depression is getting worse. In this time my partner of 7 years has left me and moved out, leaving me with our 4 year old. He has her on weekends.

I have rearranged doctor appointments because I can’t walk there. I kept my kid off school today because I physically cannot walk there. When I do, I get out of breath, heart palpations and almost faint (I haven’t actually fainted yet.) I have had multiple tests, and all that’s come back is I have a very low iron level which they’re investigating more but they haven’t given me any medication due to ongoing bleeding, and they want to resolve this first.

i don’t know what to do. I can’t look after myself never mind my kid. I’ve lost a lot of weight, I haven’t left the house in days, I can’t shower or stand too long. She’s bored and she’s raging and screaming at me all the time. I asked her dad for help once but I’m scared that he’ll go to someone - can she be taken off me because i’m unable to look after her?

I’m not sure what I’m even doing here but I genuinely have no one. No family, no friends, I’m on my own. I’m thinking about death a lot and I don’t think I’m even worried about the idea that whatever I have could be killing me, I can’t even look after my child or go to work, so what’s the point anymore?

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 18/01/2024 20:46

It sounds like she needs to go into temporary foster care whilst you recover. Whether or not there is any available in your area is a different matter

Talk to her school and get an appointment with their family liaison officer, they may be able to do temporary pick-up and drop off if you I'll health means she's being kept off school

LIZS · 18/01/2024 20:48

Do you have a health visitor or school inclusion officer? Better to ask for help than get reported. Why can't her father take her to school? Is there a community transport service to get you to gp? Or a taxi if you can afford it,

Pigeonqueen · 18/01/2024 20:50

I have chronic ill health so I can relate a little - and a son aged 11 with autism who is very full on. (I have lupus, Addisons, asthma, anaemia all sorts).

It’s dangerous for them to leave you this anaemic without any treatment - what’s the reasoning for this? I’d be tempted to go to A and E if you’re this unwell as it’s putting you and your child at risk if something were to happen to you.

What tests and treatments are you having?

LoriAnn · 18/01/2024 21:07

No health visitor - she was passed around to 5 different ones until one day they stopped and it’s been about 2 years since. Her dad works Monday to Friday and has now moved about 40 mins away so it isn’t possible to take her to school then go to work. No community service, I have looked into this, I live in a quite isolated area. Taxi would be £12 each way, definitely cannot afford it.

OP posts:
LoriAnn · 18/01/2024 21:10

I have been anemic for years and nothing has helped, and now with the bleeding they don’t want to give me anything just incase. It’s frustrating. I went to A&E and sat for 6 hours, was asked to do a urine test, sat for 2 hours, was told they’d lost it - I do not have the willpower to go through that again. They’ve done bloods, and I’m having a smear test on Tuesday. I’ve also had my IUD removed as my gp thought that could be the problem but I don’t think it was.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 18/01/2024 21:21

You need to get InTouch with Home start in your area. A volunteer maybe able to do the school runs or help around the home.

Do your symptoms confusion / dizziness make you a risk to DD through passing out / forgetting you left the oven on etc?

Dacadactyl · 18/01/2024 21:28

Yes, get in touch with HomeStart. Get in touch with your Councils Early Help team.

Tell the school about your issues and tell them you're struggling. Reach out.

No, they won't take your child from you at this stage. They will support you to the max. I promise you.

AQuantityOfNaughtyCats · 18/01/2024 21:32

If you’re having heavy periods it can be both a cause and a symptom of low iron. I’d be tempted to start taking iron tablets myself to try and get my level back up. Do you know what your numbers are? Keep hassling the GP- quote the iron infusion guidelines for your region at them!

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 18/01/2024 21:39

How far away is the school that it costs £12 in a taxi. Can a school friend take her?
You need to to rest

bluejelly · 18/01/2024 21:47

So sorry to hear. Is it a copper coil? They can cause heavy bleeding and anaemia.

trickyex · 18/01/2024 22:37

Sorry to read this.
But why would your bleeding prevent them treating you for low iron. What are your levels?
Sounds like you need an iron infusion asap. In the meantime order yourself some iron bisglycinate and start taking it straight away.
Please dont be fobbed off, you need urgent help.

Devonshiregal · 19/01/2024 04:13

I just woke up and checked my phone (because I’m addicted) and this was open though I have no recollection of clicking on it so I felt it must be serendipitous and had to answer. This might be long but I’ll try keep it bullet pointy.

I feel qualified to talk about iron stuff having suffered with it for 20 years. I recently had an operation to deal with a chronic infection and I no longer get low iron (or heavy periods - interestingly). Of course no two people are the same and I have no idea what’s causing yours or the treatment you’ve had, but maybe something here will be of benefit:

You absolutely need an iron infusion immediately if you’re iron is low. If it’s at the point you’re passing out maybe even a blood transfusion.

if you have bleeding, you need it even more.

Once it’s at the point you’re getting symptoms beyond just feeling a little tired, tablets do fuck all.

Spatone transfers better than tablets so whilst you’re waiting that’s the best thing to take. Take it with vitamin c like a glass of orang juice.

In this country there seems to be an absolute desire to ignore low iron with or without anaemia.

as a fyi, you can have low iron stores and not be anaemic. Lots of doctors don’t even seem to know this, but it will still cause symptoms so you NEED to have full iron studies checked NOT just hb levels.

My tip would be to ask your gp to include all iron tests but double check with the phlebotomist what tests have been ordered (because gps love to leave half of them off) and ask whether transferrin/ferritin is on there. When/if they say no, just say “oh the gp said it should be on so I’m surprised it’s not just in case it is non-anaemic iron deficiency.” And they’ll usually add those tests on.

another fyi, you can have iron deficiency with anaemia one time and then another time you get low iron have it without anaemia. So every time you feel these symptoms ensure both are looked for.

This is an important article which helped save me (truly) when the gps just weren’t treating me because my hb was “only slightly low”:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8002799/

You said “all that’s come back is low iron” - all of your symptoms can absolutely be caused by low iron. It can cause heart attack when too low.

also, another fyi, symptoms show in different people at different levels. So one person can have low levels and feel fine, while another can have slightly low level and be incredibly symptomatic.

I do notice you say you’ve been anaemic for years so sorry if I’m teaching you to suck eggs btw - have you had iron infusions before? If you haven’t, it’s an outpatient appointment where you’ll sit in a comfy chair, and it goes into your vein through your hand or inner elbow. It doesn’t hurt. You can just watch something or read. Lasts about 15 minutes for one bag, so the more you need the longer it will take. They usually give you tea/biscuit and soup/sandwich. And you feel better within days. It’s NOTHING like waiting 6 months on tablets for little results. But most gps will never offer it so you have to beg to be referred.

Any heavy/consistent bleeding or chronic infection can (and likely will) cause low iron. Have you had any chronic health issue or an infection that happened around before you started getting anaemic?

did the hospital not do blood tests on the spot? How long ago did you go?

I know what it feels like to feel the way you do now. It’s like you’re just leaking energy until you’ll have none left and just drop dead. And really, that is essentially what is happening. BUT you need to get back to the hospital and get bloods done urgently if you’re feeling this bad. I would go first thing in the morning.

I’d also call the gp at 8am and say you’re desperately ill and need to speak to a gp so you can fill them in on what’s happened at the hospital and have an appointment ready for you if they lose tests again or anything happens.

When your iron comes back low, you demand an iron infusion - cry, say you have a child and you’re struggling/feel like you’re dying. If they say you “probably don’t meet the criteria for an infusion”, ask them to check with the infusion team. Do not leave until you’ve spoken to someone on the team.

You have your daughter to get better for and so your choice is give up, or go. Please pick go. Get her dad to take you if you have to. No one will take your child away - you’re sick and need treatment, you’re not neglectful. But as other posters have said, you’re running the risk of passing out while she’s in your charge.

If he’s a useless twat, take her with in a taxi first thing if you need to - give her an iPad and take a charger and food. You can have bloods with her there. I know taxis are a lot but you can’t just ignore these symptoms.

Being breathless, dizzy, unable to walk more than a few paces and having palpitations is urgent unless there’s a known underlying reason. Just for some reason the NHS HATES treating people with iron issues as though they’re very ill (which they often are) and hates even more giving them infusions.

I won’t bore you with my (depressingly extensive) experience of this but I do know what you’re feeling and it can quickly get worse so get urgent medical care and use every last inch of energy to get treatment.

Good luck, you can do it! and do not let anyone tell you “you just have low iron.”

Iron deficiency without anaemia: a diagnosis that matters

Iron deficiency anaemia (IDA) currently affects 1.2 billion people and iron deficiency without anaemia (IDWA) is at least twice as common. IDWA is poorly recognised by clinicians despite its high prevalence, probably because of suboptimal screening rec...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8002799/

heartofglass23 · 19/01/2024 04:23

Low iron is a dietary issue. Eat red meat 2/3 times a day for a week and see how you feel.

Goatymum · 19/01/2024 08:42

Agree with @Devonshiregal you need to stand your ground on this as you’re not well enough to function - when it’s giving you palpitations and such symptoms you need iron & fast. For me that would be the point I’d not be taking no for an answer. It’s not fair on you or your child.
If bleeding is the issue they need to hurry up in scans - have you had a trans vagunal
ultrasound? Polyps made me bleed like crazy and depleted my iron. Was also v low in ferritin (8) after having my first dc, they said if I had palpitations they would’ve given me a blood transfusion, but I wasn’t, so they didn’t (22 years ago).
Please seek help today.

Pigeonqueen · 19/01/2024 14:31

heartofglass23 · 19/01/2024 04:23

Low iron is a dietary issue. Eat red meat 2/3 times a day for a week and see how you feel.

Anaemia doesn’t always have anything to do with diet. Lots of people with autoimmune issues (ie like me) have long term anaemia that isn’t related to internal bleeding or diet. I am on iron tablets daily for the rest of my life.

AQuantityOfNaughtyCats · 19/01/2024 17:29

heartofglass23 · 19/01/2024 04:23

Low iron is a dietary issue. Eat red meat 2/3 times a day for a week and see how you feel.

That’s no help if you aren’t absorbing dietary iron which many don’t. Or if you are losing as
much or more than you absorb via periods or intestinal bleeding.

SmallestInTheClass · 21/01/2024 14:19

I'm not really able to offer any advice on the medical side but I am a school governor and would very strongly encourage you to speak to the school. With the focus on attendance most schools will be keen to support you. They might offer help with getting to and from and that would have the added benefit of giving you a break during school hours. If you don't speak to them, they won't realise what's going on.

MuchTooTired · 21/01/2024 14:27

Bit of a long shot, but have you been tested for coeliacs disease? I had extreme exhaustion, constant breathlessness when doing simple tasks etc. Luckily my GP is the sort who’ll test for increasingly random things until she gets the answer to a problem. Weight loss and bleeding can also be a thing for it (seems to have quite a lot of ‘random’ symptoms).

SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2024 14:34

Op have you actively said to your ex "I'm too ill at the moment to look after DD full time, you need to take her for longer"?

I know down the line this might complicate custody issues but yours and her present welfare are the priority.

He needs to speak to work about adjustments to allow him to parent his kid. If you were together and got hospitalised for a month he would have to sort it, same difference. Tell him it's about her, not you

BringItOnxxx · 21/01/2024 14:34

How are you today @LoriAnn?

LoriAnn · 15/09/2024 17:27

BringItOnxxx · 21/01/2024 14:34

How are you today @LoriAnn?

I kind of disappeared and forgot about this thread but late update incase anyone else googles this or whatever

I had two iron transfusions, and after IUD removal the bleeding stopped. My iron levels now are fine and I am also completely fine. Took about 3 months to clear up (where I found out I’m pregnant lol) and due a baby in December with no further issues with anaemia (bloods are checked frequently and iron levels are perfect). No clue what happened but assume it was the IUD so if you’ve had these issues and have the IUD, get rid (and remember to use contraception after lol). Fully capable of looking after my daughter now who’s excited to meet their sibling later this year.

I have mentioned all this to a few different doctors midwives etc and all of them go ah yeah the IUD so it must be a known issue. I genuinely felt like I was dying.

OP posts:
GiveMeVodkaPlease · 15/09/2024 17:33

So pleased to hear this update! 💐

Footle · 16/09/2024 07:25

👍👍

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