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13yr old daughter getting panic attacks......no idea why, and no idea on how to help her.......help!

25 replies

Psychomum5 · 18/03/2008 19:35

Is there anyone with any tips on how to calm my daughter down?????

she has started having panic attacks and getting chest pains, scaring her and worrying me. we have been to the docs, who said she was exhausted and advised that she stays off school for a week, and that all dancing etc has to also stop, yet even tho she has (this started last thursady but laptop got a virus and I have been pooterless, and MNless), she is still not right.

Oh, school, dancing, friends and the docs noticed too that she keeps 'zoning out', IE, she seems to switch off when we are talking to her, and she is getting headaches too with it.........

I have also started her on teen supplements and St. Johns Wort to help combat anything, and I am going back to the docs to request bloods get done to see if she is anaemic, but should I be worrying about anything else???

another thing.....she started her periods in january and then nothing since. assuming this is normal, but I can;t remember my first periods and spaces between so altho I think it normal, hearing other women say they have had the same, or their duaghter have, would help me and her calm down a wee bit.

help please.....

OP posts:
dustyeastar · 18/03/2008 19:35

Was she in the car with you the other day?

Taweret · 18/03/2008 19:37

Was going to suggest the test for anaemia, but you've already got it sussed.
It's normal for first periods to be erratic.
Is she worried about anything/anyone particular at school?
I hope she feels better soon.

Miggsie · 18/03/2008 19:37

...sounds like not enough nutrition and too much exercise and a few hormones.
Think you are doing the right things, very likely she is low on iron and B12 which induces tiredness.
Try to get a good, slow release breakfast with protein down her and don't let her skimp meals.
Also make sure she gets enough fluid with all that dancing...smoothies would give good vitamins

TheArmadillo · 18/03/2008 19:37

try teaching her relaxation exercises? If she's at school could she ask to go to toilet if she starts getting panicky and then do them on there.

I used to get htme at same age. Did grow out of them and no lasting damage.

Psychomum5 · 18/03/2008 19:38

no, that was DD2, my 12yr old......

this one is my eldest one

hello by the way........you is coming thursday according to flame

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dustyeastar · 18/03/2008 19:39

I am

Periods can be all over the place when they first start so don't worry about that.

Psychomum5 · 18/03/2008 19:40

hmmmmmmm.....yes......proper food. that is something she isn;t great about. She does eat well in the evenings, but breakfast and luhcn she is a 'bugger' about......and of course lunch is something I have no control ove anymore.

smoothies are a good suggestion, thankyou, and I wil check if vitb12 is in the tabs I have got her.

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Janni · 18/03/2008 19:42

Is she eating enough? Is she weight conscious and trying to restrict calories - that can certainly lead to lightheadedness.

The classic panic attack technique (hope this is not outdated) is to breathe slowly into a paper bag held over mouth and nose.

How about some relaxation training so that when she feels panicky she can focus on things like clenching and relaxing her muscles, screwing up her facial muscles etc to take her mind off whatever has triggered the attack. This relaxation (using CDs or DVDs would need to be practised so she could access the techniques easily when she needs them.

She could also keep a diary to note triggers, times of day, thoughts and feelings etc to try to identify a pattern.

dustyeastar · 18/03/2008 19:42

ahh not enough food. I get the shakes if i don't eat enough during the day. it can come on really quickly and I feel dizzy and sometimes a bit out of it.

Psychomum5 · 18/03/2008 19:42

oh, and can;t seem to get out of her if anything is wrong at school......beyond it is boring and they are putting too much pressure on for the coming SAT's (she is yr9), and also she did panic about the options........

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Janni · 18/03/2008 19:48

Great minds have X-posted

Psychomum5 · 18/03/2008 19:49

not sure about the weight being a 'big' problem......she has always been more bothered by the fact that she is noticably smaller than her friends (she has the classic petite ballet figure at the mo), so always used to try and put ON the weight.

BUT

seeing her friends recently they al look as tho they are etrying to get down to smaller and smaller sizes and are not looking healthy, so it may be worth watching.

thanks all of you for the replies so far

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Beenleigh · 18/03/2008 19:54

I suffered for a while when I was about 20. My main advice would be to try to sort them out asap, they cn get really rooted in and become a default behaviour, and can be debilitating! CBT is very successful combatting panic attacks.
I just remembered this thread from a while ago which may be of some help.
Also, what helped me massively was cutting out caffeine completely, don't suppose she has much if she's only 13, but thought worth mentioning.
Good luck.

Beenleigh · 18/03/2008 19:56

I don't really understand why GP sid she should stop her dancing, unless the gp doesn't think it's actually panic attcks, ?? imo it's really imp't to keep excercising as much s possible.

Psychomum5 · 18/03/2008 20:16

ooh thanks for that beenleigh, will read

docs said no dancing till after easter as she at the moment thinks it is caused by exhaustion, (which I am not entirely sure is right), and so said all should stop and she should just rest. she does dance a lots.........9 classes per week, plus she also helps in the tinies classes, making a busy busy schedual(sp?) on top of school etc.

she is resting tho, and still this morning another panic attack, and this was literally on waking!!

(by the way, I did use the paper bag method of calm down, and it did help, altho she is still not 'calm' IYGWIM)

I can;t make her stop everything surely, as boredom will not help!

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Beenleigh · 18/03/2008 21:33

I am by no means an expert, but I would be very concerned about your GPs advice, and if I were you would be desperate to see someone else. It doesn't sound like he is really understanding what is happening here. Panic attacks can be really complicated, and imo will not be solved by something as basic as getting bit more rest or chilling out a bit. Even if they have been brought on by exhaustion, it is very unlikely that they will disappeaar once the cause is removed. They are not that strightforward. Try and see someone who will refer her urgently to see a cognitive behavioural therapist.

Best of luck and keep posting.

Psychomum5 · 18/03/2008 22:37

thankyou.....sorry about spaces in posting.....laptop is behaving oddly since coming back from PCworld after the virus.....grrr!

I am thinking that we will go back to docs in the morning. to still not be feeling better even tho I am making sure she is relaxing is concerning me, and especially waking up with panic attacks!

reading the other thread, CBT seems to be mentioned as being good (I am being referred myself ATM for panicking myself with driving, altho I am tearful panicky rather than breathing/lightheaded/chestpains/feelng faint that my DD is going thro.)
someone on that thread also mentioned horones and puberty playing a part, which is my thoughts in part too, altho obviously paberty isn;t something they can change much!

oh, tis constantly changing into different issues this parenting lark.........

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Psychomum5 · 19/03/2008 09:52

well......I have just had a telephoe appointment with our doctor this morning (there were no 'actual' appointments other than 5min emergency ones which I felt weren;t appropriate), and he is wanting to give her another few days rest yet.

he said that the supplements and St. Johns Wort are the right track, but that 1wk of them so far won;t have had time to have any effect. Not sure myself on that, as I know that I normally do start to feel some good within just a couple of days, but I am no medic and maybe I feel better i a placebo way IYGWIM.

anyhooo.........I have an appointment being set up by him for either next tues or weds (they are phoning me back as I am up there with DD3 for bloods anyway, so they are getting them in togethere as I have childcare already set up for the others).

He said that by then, if there is no noticible improvement, then they will start thinking on a medical cause, and that they will most likely do bloods.
Is there anything maybe I should ask them to check.....obviously I have no idea as yet as to what they will check for, but other than anaemia, what else could be going on???

TIA

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Winetimeisfinetime · 19/03/2008 10:32

Does she also get the panic attacks at the weekends and in school holidays ? If not then it could be an indication that it is to do with school rather than a health issue. My ds used to have panic attacks when he was having a hard time at school but only on school days.

Psychomum5 · 19/03/2008 10:40

well.....so far no, nut her first diagnosed one was last thursday, and she has been getting chest pains most days since.......only two on waking tho.....last thursday and this tuesday so yes. those ones were school days. she was quiet and pale all weekend tho, and has been since last october. the half term hols even she was ill thro.

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crimplene · 19/03/2008 14:24

Psychomum5 I had panic attacks really badly when I was 18. I was a wreck for months and gradually recovered over the next few years. I haven't had them since. I also had the chest pains, they're not at all serious physically, they just happen becasue of the hyperventilation, but I used to think I was about to drop dead and it just made it even scarier. My diet was good, my weight was normal. It was entirely psychological in my case, although there were some big physical effects aside from the immediate, including a huge ridge across each of my fingernails.

I was also very busy with lots of things outside school (in my case sports and work)before it happened; although they were there as a good escape and a release and they did help, just doing too much and wearing myself out might have helped tip me over from thinking I was quite happy and getting on with life into having constant panic attacks - but I suspect it would have come to a head sooner had I not been so busy with these things.

I think that the doctor may be trying to say this to your DD, but it may well make her think that there is something pysically wrong with her. I don't think stopping altogether is a good idea if she doesn't want to - it's quite important that normality continues as much as possible.

At the time this happened to me I couldn't have told anyone what the problem was as I didn't have enough of a sense of perspective on my life. There certainly didn't seem to be anyting 'wrong' that might have caused this, to most people.

I wasn't coping too well with too much academic pressure (internal and external) and very inadequate teachers. I'd also had some signs of being very stressed during my GCSEs before ad I'm still very nervous about exams, so I'm prone to stress in this area. My parents had a bad relationship and had actually decided to split up but had decided to try to hide it and pretend everything was OK so it gave me the best chance of doing well with my A levels, but the constant tension at home was palpable and it seemed very unreal that nobody was acknowledging it. I'd previously tried to talk to adults about how awful my home life was and then just feel like I must be such a bad person for saying such horrible things about my parents who were, and still are, both decent people. To cap it all couple of my school friends were being sexually abused and the fall-out from them trying to cope had left my previously great social life shattered.

It all seemed normal to me at the time (apart from the social situation) as I was too young to have any sense of perspective - I couldn't understand what was wrong until years later.

I agree that CBT is a good idea. I only found out about it much later, but I can see how it can help with this. Some reassurance about the mechanics of panic attacks would have been so helpful in the early days. If someone had just sat me down and told me about why I was dizzy and suffering from chest pains and shooting pains down my arms insetad of just telling me to breathe into a paper bag it would have been so helpful. Counselling at least, and asap.

I don't know if any of this would apply to your DD, but for me it was the combination of school + home + social life going wrong at once rather than one defined cause.

I don't know that there's a right answer about the SATs - saying that she doesn't have to do them might be like telling her she can't do them and only make future exams tougher. Saying that she's got to do them might be like telling her that how well she does academically is more important than her wellbeing and mental health. She needs to take responsiblity for being brave and doing it even if it's scary and she really needs something put in place to make it as achieveable as possible (separate room? it would depend on what would make her feel better able to cope).

For me, becomeing very needy and dependent made my parents co-operate so the panic attacks kind of served a purpose as well, as I realised a few years later. I sometimes wonder if I would have got involved in drugs or done something different if there hadn't been this 'benefit' from the panic attacks. Actually, the fact that they did look after me was probably a positive in the situation.

I hope your DD starts to feel better soon.

smallwhitecat · 19/03/2008 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

crimplene · 19/03/2008 14:44

Anther thing I thought of that might help; learning meditation would be worthwhile, although impossible if she's too jittery to get started, it's a great longer term way of getting calmer. I remember trying hypnotherapy and I was just so tense I couldn't be hypnotised, but that would also have been good once I was recovering.

Psychomum5 · 19/03/2008 19:54

wow crimpaline......HUGE post.

thanks both for the reassurance about others suffering the same.....even if you were both older.

I am thinking it is mainly the pressure from school......we had another letter today regarding the SAT's, informing and asking parents to consent to their daughters (she attends a girls school) attending booster classes at school during the easter holidays (I will be starting a thread about it I am that angry about it!!!), and she again had another panic attack. the first panic attack was after a letter came from achool requesting that she attend english SAT booster classes after school for 1 1/2hrs on weds, which is her only day free from any dancing/drama etc. it all got too much I think.

The school even rang today to ask if she was just well enough to go in for her booster class, even tho the docs have 'signed' her off......they just don;t get the pressure for them is too much! I don;t know who to blame......the school or the bloody government who started the effing things.

I think on top of it all is the fact all of us are still recovering from the car accident we were all n last october, and DD1 was the one who hit and smashed the windscreen, causing a head injury. Everyone says it isn;t just that, which I aree, but a head injury is a head injury and who knows what impact it all has.....plus I was injured too, that is extra stress on the family.

oh it is all so much to think about in ways of helping her.....but first things first, I will try to find someone who is calm enough to explain why she is having the chest pains when she is panicking so she can understand why the paper bag method helps rather than 'just because mummy says so' IYGWIM.

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crimplene · 19/03/2008 21:49

Psychomum. Sorry it was a bit long. I remember at the time really needing to know that people could come out the far side and be fine - and some detials about why I wasn't actually about to die.

Yes, it does sound like it's a stupid amount of pressure from the school. I'd be tempted to protect her from it as much as possible - maybe make sure she knows she doesn't have to do any extra work and how she does on the day with no extra preparation will be fine. You could make sure she knows that it's not important to you what exam results she gets - after all SATs are just about schools not pupils anyway, nobody ever got a job offer on the basis of SATs results. I'd just support her in meeting the challenge of getting through it, and then put in the work once it's over so that she's in a position to cope better with GCSEs.

I blame the government

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