Exhausted, 52

[AnnieFarmer]

Hi

I don’t think there’s an answer but if anyone has any tips or if anyone can relate, I guess it’ll make me feel less alone.

52, lovely teen sons, 19 and 17. Parents both died 15 years ago. ExH left 5 years ago. I have been in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years. Next year he says he’ll move in.

Have worked full time since exH left (before that, i worked 4 days). Left last job because the commute was longish and the shifts were exhausting. Thought 9-5 would be less tiring but I’m still constantly, utterly exhausted. I take iron, cod liver oil and multivitamins. I don’t exercise, I have no motivation as I’m just so exhausted.

My outgoings are quite low compared to others of my age but I have struggled financially since ex left (he does pay money into the account for our dc).

I feel overwhelmed by life. I can’t afford holidays anymore. I love gardening and things like redecorating but I seem not to have the energy, money or time for those things anymore. The laundry overwhelms me and is constantly piled up in a heap. I used to be so tidy. ExH and I renovated the modest house I’m still in into our dream house and now so many things are broken and it’s a mess.

I definitely know that there are far worse problems and worries to have. I’ve lost 2 very good childhood friends in the last year to cancer. I lost both my parents to it in their 60’s too.

I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, I just think I’ll always feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I worry a lot about my sons, too. They’re sensible but I still worry so much. I physically ache with tiredness all the time.

Thanks for reading.

Have you been to your GP to discuss? They would likely do bloods to check thyroid, vitamin deficiency etc. Then have you considered HRT? (Sorry you are feeling rubbish)

Yep I’d agree with the above get thyroid and bloods checked and consider HRT plus eating healthier, cut the alcohol and fresh air every day. Start with 20min walk and build it up. Some exercise everyday really does help. Don’t think of it as exercise put a podcast or or talking book or new music and have a walk take a travel mug enjoy a cuppaT then walk back again. The 5 ways to wellness (google it), do help but get your health checked first. I’m similar age but younger kids and struggle but HRT & fresh air every day (we have a dog to walk) helps.

And get the teens doing their own washing!

Thanks all! I am hypothyroid. Take thyroxine every day , annual blood tests always normal. I think walking would help.

What about HRT? It makes a huge difference to many women your age.

Can you do Zoe? Mine revealed poor sugar and fat metabolism. I feel so much better now I am eating foods that don't cause my blood sugar to peak and crash.

Is there equity in your house OP, maybe you could think of downsizing or moving to somewhere a bit cheaper. Your sons should be off doing their own thing in the next few years, which would leave you with an empty house that needs work. Downsizing could also mean you drop hours at work to give yourself some time back to recharge and spend time on yourself.

Also, as a previous poster has said get your sons to do some chores and help out.

I think you’re anxious and depressed @AnnieFarmer . Tiredness, lack of motivation, worry, unable to see light at the end of the tunnel, are all symptoms. A course of antidepressants and some counselling can help. Do see your GP. Where I live we can self refer for talking therapies. 💐

Very much sympathise/ empathise.

Is it possible for you to take some time off work and rest? Then to try 1 thing (like a walk outside each day)

Some brilliant ideas here and thank you, I was very worried it just all sounded very self pitying.

This time of year really doesn’t help with short dark days and lack of vitamin D. I re-started couch to 5k in Sept after injury and that 30min walk run plod my way through 4-5k really does boost my mood. I just need to stop eating the chocolate bar in the evening to undo my hard work!

Apart from what others have said, And a massive dose of empathy (im constantly exhausted ans all tests seem to say "normal", please do look at how jobs are shared at home. Your two boys need, at their age, to be doing a share of jobs.. One meal a week each, their own or a share of cleaning, washing etc. Are they doing this or are you doimg it for all? Time to change that, if so, as it helps no one.. Not you, or them.
Good luck and hope things change, dont underestimate full time work, family and relationship, amd winter. And current state of world. Its hard at the moment.