Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Is it possible this is some sort of dementia?

22 replies

Wahtnow · 06/12/2023 23:30

I've noticed that a friend of mine has difficulty finding the right word quite often. We were away with friends this weekend and it seemed like he was saying "what's the word?" quite often, usually not complex words

He's 58, has a responsible professional job on a contract basis, which has just been renewed,so I'd guess that must be going OK. He's still the person we all look to when we need directions or help with something technical.

I've thought for a while he doesn't look that well and over the weekend he did a bad thing that's completely out of character, based on what I've known of him for the last 10 years or so, then there's the language thing.

How concerned should we be?

OP posts:
Palomabalom · 06/12/2023 23:44

Maybe he’s not been feeling very well and he’s run down. I’m not sure it’s so common to have dementia in your 50s is it? Possible but not common. People do get a cognitive dip often as they get older which can be perfectly normal. I don’t think losing words alone would be sufficient to be consistent with dementia

Original poster
Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 10:03

I don't know, I'm worried about him, but that not really my place and I should probably really just be cross with him.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 07/12/2023 10:05

Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 10:03

I don't know, I'm worried about him, but that not really my place and I should probably really just be cross with him.

Why would you be cross with him if you think he's ill?

Junemoon222 · 07/12/2023 10:06

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

BrimfulOfMash · 07/12/2023 10:07

What nature of bad thing?

MadamVastra · 07/12/2023 10:08

We need more context really

Original poster
Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 10:12

BrimfulOfMash · 07/12/2023 10:07

What nature of bad thing?

Oh, after knowing him as one of life's really good guys for more than a decade, he kissed someone he shouldn't have done. It was a moment of stupidty but also really out of character.

OP posts:
Evenstar · 07/12/2023 10:12

The difficulty finding the right words was the first sign for my aunt from around that age, as it progressed she would ask others to guess the word based on her description. As an example for motorbike, she said what are those noisy things with two wheels that men like.

She wasn’t diagnosed with dementia until that had been going on for some time.

evrey · 07/12/2023 10:16

Word finding is a common first symptom of dementia, but it's also a symptom of depression/stress and anxiety.
Either way you say he doesn't seem himself , have you asked him if he is ok?

Shellingbynight · 07/12/2023 10:21

58 would be very young to be starting with dementia, but it is possible. Or he could be stressed/depressed or in some other way unwell.

Does he drink a lot? That could explain both the vocabulary issue and doing a bad thing.

Original poster
Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 10:25

Shellingbynight · 07/12/2023 10:21

58 would be very young to be starting with dementia, but it is possible. Or he could be stressed/depressed or in some other way unwell.

Does he drink a lot? That could explain both the vocabulary issue and doing a bad thing.

Yes, the bad thing was definitely under the influence, but that's not new. He likes a drink socially, but I don't think it's beyond the realms of normal social drinking.

I do wonder if his relationship is OK, that could explain him not seeming himself, but that's not my business.

OP posts:
experiential · 07/12/2023 10:44

Why dementia specifically ?
Do you have the sort of relationship with him that you could express your worries directly?
When you say he doesn't look well, what is it about his appearance that has changed about from the verbal fluency?

Original poster
Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 10:49

experiential · 07/12/2023 10:44

Why dementia specifically ?
Do you have the sort of relationship with him that you could express your worries directly?
When you say he doesn't look well, what is it about his appearance that has changed about from the verbal fluency?

He looks pale, tired, haggard.

I could definiately ask, but I'm rarely alone with him.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 07/12/2023 10:51

Loss of words, unable to find the right word & change in personality can also be signs of a stroke.

ToughTitty · 07/12/2023 11:23

When I'm very tired I forget words. I think it comes with age. It he's generally looking and acting tired, it could be just a part of that. If you add stress on top of that, it might account for his behaviour?

experiential · 07/12/2023 11:27

Pale, tired, haggard-hmm, he needs a GP appointment ASAP but how to have the conversation.
Are you F? Could you ask one of the M in the group to take him 'out for a drink' and broach the above on the grounds that you all love him and are worried about him?

Original poster
Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 11:33

experiential · 07/12/2023 11:27

Pale, tired, haggard-hmm, he needs a GP appointment ASAP but how to have the conversation.
Are you F? Could you ask one of the M in the group to take him 'out for a drink' and broach the above on the grounds that you all love him and are worried about him?

It's all a bit complicated because I'm the person he kissed. No one else knows about that and I'd like it to stay that way, but it also means I'm not the person/it's not the time for me to become ultra caring towards him.

I had previously mentioned to a couple of others that I'm not sure he looks well and they hadn't noticed, which is why I hadn't said anything earlier. I thought maybe I was imagining it and he's just aged a bit, like us all.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 07/12/2023 13:44

@Wahtnow very hard to know from the outside what might be going on for him.
He crossed a line by kissing you, which makes it hard for you to be the person concerned about him, as you say.
What about letting the dust settle a bit and then seeing how you feel about his behaviour and if you still see it the same? Very tricky.
I did know someone with early onset dementia, it's rare but not unknown.
How else was he behaving at the time of the kiss?

Original poster
Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 13:52

heldinadream · 07/12/2023 13:44

@Wahtnow very hard to know from the outside what might be going on for him.
He crossed a line by kissing you, which makes it hard for you to be the person concerned about him, as you say.
What about letting the dust settle a bit and then seeing how you feel about his behaviour and if you still see it the same? Very tricky.
I did know someone with early onset dementia, it's rare but not unknown.
How else was he behaving at the time of the kiss?

It completely took me by surprise. We'd had a normal evening for us, lots of chat, laughter some dancing, including some hesitation over words. I think I'd taken his arm (or him mine) on the walk home, but not unusual in our group, if it wasn't him/me it would have been someone else.

Most of the group had gone to bed, we made a cuppa and he kissed me. We've been in similar situations dozens of times before without issue. He stopped as soon as he was told to and there was no aggression at all, I don't think it will really change things between us, but I also don't want now to be the time we become closer iyswim

OP posts:
BonjourCrisette · 07/12/2023 13:52

This is ringing alarm bells for me. Frontotemporal dementia commonly presents at a younger age than other types of dementia and two of the common symptoms in the earlier stages are word-finding difficulties and loss of inhibition/empathy. A brain scan would be necessary for a firm diagnosis to see if there is a problem in this area of the brain. I would strongly suggest trying to get him to a doctor if you can. The problem with all this is that another symptom is a lack of insight into the difficulties so it may not be easy.

Original poster
Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 13:57

Yes, I think I'll have an are you OK, that was really out of character conversation at the same time as making it clear it wasn't OK. He knows that though, he's apologised properly already.

Of course he could be up to no good every weekend, just never with me before!

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 07/12/2023 19:53

Its def something that needs checking out. My mum had fronto temporal dementia and her first symptoms were word finding (especially nouns) and behaviour changes. She had always been a very calm person, but she yelled at my toddler for nothing and was totally uninhibited in what she said. She was in her early 60's when diagnosed, but unfortunatly FTD is one of the early onset dementias

New posts on this thread. Refresh page