The Great Recovery! After cancer what next?

[TopOfTheCliff]

This thread was suggested on the general Cancer Thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4895824-cancer-support-thread-90-still-the-best-threads-no-one-wants-to-be-on?page=15&reply=129923637 as a place to come when you are recovering.

You may feel your treatment is over and you are cured or at least NED, or it may just be a lull between storms, but you want to step away from the daily grind of chemo and radiotherapy and look to the future.
Most of us come out the far side of a cancer diagnosis battered and unfit and probably overweight from the steroids and the comfort eating. Where do you start? How long will it take ? Should you diet to lose weight or try to exercise more? Then there is the huge mental hurdle of putting Cancer behind you and not worrying about recurrence with every twinge.
I am a veteran of the Cancer Thread having had breast cancer twice in two years and I managed the recovery after cancer no 1. Now I have to do it all again but in good company I hope.

Today I have been resting after my 2k park walk. My shins and ankles are aching from it oddly. I managed a stroll up to the allotment and a micro gardening session then came home. I hate the boom or bust effect of exercise and am trying to achieve a more even balance but I keep finding interesting things to do that wipe me out. So tomorrow do I do bike ride as well as yoga or just one of them? Pacing is difficult!
Hope you all enjoyed the weekend x
Top

Thanks Top and Dotty. I guess I should try and get hold of the BCN then. I'm half inclined just to massage and stretch it out.

My original Bad Kitten left us years ago, but I do seem to specialise in Terribly Badly Behaved cats. I'm in a central southern area. <vague>

Exercise wise Top, what would balance out your most recent activities? I've been working much of the day, so tomorrow I'm going to do yoga to make sure I don't turn into a laptop hunchback.

@Makemineadecafplease my lovely friend and sailing crew made me a poster when I was first diagnosed. It comforts me!

I just received a sad PM tonight that Mowly, Fay, from the stage 4 thread is no longer with us and passed on the day of her last message on there. She did make it home to be with her daughter and cats and her US relatives flew over. A woolly hug has been suggested so have just messaged them. Sending love to her family.

Glad you are continuing the exercise Top

Been swimming again today, 120 lengths and jacuzzi and steam room so pleased with that. Have lost 4kgs first month, last month nothing, so trying to restart on Tamoxifen, face and neck are already swelling on restarting, urgh. When saw oncologist she did say I could stop after 5 years but 10 is better. She was sensibly nagging me about mammos and arranging one.

Memory is really good, not only am I reminding DH about things but DD said in past 24 hours I have reminded her about 2 things she's forgot.

@Silkiebunny thank you so much for letting us know about Mowly. I can’t think of any words to say 😢

😰Rest in peace Fay

Oh wow, thanks Top. I will be saying that to myself this week. I have a telephone appointment with consultant this week so fingers crossed about my echo.

@BG2015 that sounds really tough, I hope you are able to find some support. Keep posting here, I find that just talking to people who can relate albeit online helps a lot. In my opinion no one who has experienced cancer treatment in any form can understand what we are going through.

I have a question for you all, how have you found planning for holidays? I love travelling but I find that I can't really make plans until I am done with herceptin which has now been pushed back a month. I am just in limbo about everything. Sigh.

That should say 'anyone who has not'.

We've done a fair bit of travelling since I ended active treatment. I worked around the Herceptin injections, but I have no side effect so those ever.

We went to Egypt for 10 days before I went back to my teaching job, I felt guilty because I was signed off still but also enjoyed the fact the holiday was so cheap. I'd not been on holiday during term time for 28 years!

Since then we've been to Kos, flew to Edinburgh for New Year, Mexico at Easter, Spain in the summer and we're going to Tenerife for Christmas and New Year. That will be an interesting holiday.

I have an appointment on Wednesday to see someone (nurse/oncolgist ?) to discuss the Anastrozole. I've not taken it now for 10 days. Can't say I've noticed any difference yet, plus I've had a stinking cold for the past 2 weeks so that's not helped how I feel.

This week is the first week that I'm part time - I've only dropped a day - Friday but it's a start. Got to start slowing down and accepting my body isn't what it was.

Hope everyone stays warm, it's freezing here in the Midlands.

Oh that's sad news about Mowly, Silkie - I was watching that thread for a bit, but then deleted it again, so keep us in touch with anything that's being done.

@Makemineadecafplease I went to Norfolk in the middle of chemo, but I didn't book it until right at the last minute, which was fine because it was autumn. And then actually, I only booked three nights originally, and then extended it whilst I was there. It's so difficult mentally to plan when you're in the middle of treatment I think, especially if you want to go abroad.

@BG2015 i've been cold in the Midlands too!

Okay, so Christmas is now my latest dilemma, I've hosted Christmas for my DPs, and now just my DM for the last 19 years, perhaps having two years off in that time. I hosted last year when I'd not long finished chemo. I'm absolutely sick of it, my brother never hosts, and all throughout my 20s I spent Christmas at random people's houses, or sometimes with a partner, and once alone, because my (D?)F was often not speaking to me (personality disorder). So this year we plan to go to a pub that's run by a friend, my DM seemed keen to begin with but now is saying that she won't eat much so she won't come (it is a big menu) she'll just stay at home alone. My pre-cancer self would've put her first and just stayed at home cooking dinner being resentful, but my post-cancer self says I deserve some time doing what I want at Christmas too, she's making her choice to be alone and I am not going to compensate for it. We can still go and visit her on Christmas Day. I will, of course go through the rigmarole of suggesting that she just comes and eats what she can, she can have a child portion, but what would anyone else do? She's 90 and has various health problems so every year for the past 10 years, I've been thinking it might be her last, so I better do Christmas, which adds extra guilt into the mix, but this could go on for another 10 years! Is there anything I haven't thought of?

@SierraSapphire Christmas is such a tricky time and I agree with you that your mindset changes after recovering from cancer treatment.

I think suggesting she eats a child size portion is good. It's hard work catering for a large group of family members. Buying the food, the preparation, making sure everyone has drinks etc. Then the massive stress of making sure the food is warm, and everyone has what they need. Not to mention the MASSIVE load of dishes to wash up too.

I do think the elderly become very self centred as they get older.

That is such sad news about Mowly, my thoughts with her daughter, family and cats. I hope she is now at peace.
I've had quite a few work shifts recently and had two weekends away so need to get my exercise back on track.
@SierraSapphire Xmas is such a tricky time, trying to keep everyone happy. I was due to start radiotherapy early 2022 and SIL was determined we were going to see them at some point and kept messaging DP about it. I didn't want to as my immune system was still recovering and didn't want to delay my radiotherapy by getting ill (they have 2 young DC). My parents were completely understanding. Anyway, DD and DP both got Covid so pressure was off.
Just as things were going better, DP is going to lose his job. There always seems to be something.

I'm also very sad about mowly. Her daughter is so young. Bastard cancer.

@SierraSapphire I have been the Christmas Martyr every year for ever, always trying to please other people - including driving a 6 hour round trip to collect my parents when they were both alive, even though my sister lives an hour or so away from them. My DF is still alive and this year I just told my sister I wasn't doing it - either she looked after him, or she compromised on things she wanted to be at home for and she did the driving. Lo and behold, she is bringing him here. All it took was cancer for me to become assertive!

There's not much recovery talk going on at the moment, so I will also share that I had a lovely run on Saturday morning through the park (dodging the parkrun which I hate) and down to the river, finishing up in the market to buy fruit, pastries and bread for breakfast and the papers on the way home. It's my favourite way to start the weekend, and I remember wondering when I started chemo last year if I'd ever be able to do it again. It was a gorgeous sunny morning, so that all felt very good. (Grey and very, very wet today so not managed to get outdoors but will try to do an exercise video after work.)

Well done @dotty2 keep up the good work. I did a club ladies bike ride today on my e-bike then went to yoga this afternoon.. My hip and knees are shouting at me now!! I will take tomorrow gently to recover. It’s hard to get the balance right.
@Vinorosso74 sorry about your DPs job. Has he other options? You could do without the worrry.
I can’t look ahead far enough to book things! I am going in a mini break to York next week which the most adventure I’ve had in months. Peter Harvey sums it up in his paper on cancer recovery. Loss of confidence is usually behind it. I know my courage will return.
Keep going folks!

Christmas Martyr, that's exactly what I've been @dotty2 - but no more! My mum has agreed to come if she can have a child's portion, which is exactly what I suggested to her in the original message. She sent me about 10 text messages about it though, she's getting very confused about the Christmas menu versus the normal menu. At least some progress! Thanks for all your comments.

I took a friend to the gym this morning on a guest pass, so we did yoga, outdoor swimming in the rain, and then spa and lunch. Very nice! I agree, it's great best getting back to exercise that you never thought you might be able to do again. I can't run because of a hamstring injury re-exacerbated last boxing day by a run! When I'm earning some money though I'll go and see a physio though and see if I can sort it out because I do miss running.

So good to hear others making steps into the new normal. And @TopOfTheCliff completely agree about loss of confidence. Although I’m in awe of what you’re doing already!
Good to hear that at least in some cases the big C has enabled or changed the game re families and Christmas. Sad that it’s what it takes.

Last Christmas I had just finished IV chemo so was vulnerable. I had some cycling friends in for coffee and one came in coughing hard. It didn’t occur to me it was a problem until two days later when DH got Covid, then on Christmas Day I got it. Disaster! Couldn’t see family, DD dropped off our lunch at the door, and I missed the big family gathering on Boxing Day too. “Friend” was in denial, complains that all her lunch guests had cancelled because of Covid SHE GAVE THEM! We haven’t felt very warm towards her since.
This year I shall party up till 19th then go into hiding. I’m determined to see my family this year! DSis lives in France and DD1 in South Africa and both families coming over for The Gathering.

Yes very sad about Fay and her little girl.

Re holidays that's one thing I have made a great recovery in. 😎During treatment I just stayed in UK and did Scotland, Wales, Cornwall and treatment finished Aug 22. Then went to Maldives later that year then Paris over New Year then Azores and Porto in March then Mauritius in August. A lot I have booked fairly close to the date so I know there are no issues but that has worked out fine. Have really enjoyed travelling. Am really keen to do more of it and still have my AirAsia credit from 2020 which I moved to summer 2024 Borneo internal flights as last chance to take. I really want to go but not sure whether we will be able to as DS is still not leaving home though we may be able to work combinations of people. Its DDs last summer before university unless she takes a gap year. Sometimes I think I could go alone but I am apprehensive about doing that. I often daydream about travelling around the world all the time. 😂

Enjoy your holiday in Tenerife BG

Good to hear of people exercising well. I am doing well on the exercising and doing just over 4 hours a week average for whole of 2023 to date, pretty much all swimming which I do about 3 times a week with DH and love. I am still trying to lose the weight I gained over last year on Tamoxifen (or maybe going into menopause) I am 4.4kgs down now, 9.2kgs to go. Lost 4kgs first month (also off Tamoxifen) next month only lost 0.4kgs and back on Tamoxifen. Key seems to be low sugar and calorie counting/exercise to lose 500 a day on average. Drinks I have to perfection. Food is harder this time of year but been good today. Regular weighing myself helps as well. But first time in life doing this and hate it. I want cake. 😂

Just a quiet Christmas here as DS won't leave home but I like quiet ones. We have some events to go to - done 2 concerts and dinners, doing botanical gardens and have street party.

Sending love to everyone.

@SierraSapphire I'm glad your mum has decided to join you after all. I bet she will enjoy it.

@Silkiebunny the weight gain is so frustrating isn't it, especially if you can't exercise. I'm desperately trying to lose half a stone but it just won't shift (probably because I'm not really trying 😂)

@TopOfTheCliff I bet you can't wait to see all your lovely family. It's going to be very strange being away for Christmas- never done it before but have always wanted to.

I'm currently off work. I got sent home yesterday as I just felt awful. I've had a lingering chesty cough for about 2 weeks now and my asthma isn't great. The GP gave me antibiotics for a chest infection. Got to stay at home for a week, and if you've ever taught you will know guilty us teachers feel when we are off.

My health hasn't been great for a while. I'm seeing my oncologist tomorrow about Anastrozole side effects. I stopped taking them 10 days ago.

I also downloaded the teacher ill health retirement forms as I'm seriously considering going down this route. I'm becoming very unreliable at work and although my headteacher has been very supportive I must be a constant thorn in his side. I'm expensive and cause him major staffing issues.

I'm just not sure if I would be awarded it yet as there are other asthma medications I can take. The asthma team are meeting at the MDT in Birmingham on 21 December to discuss whether I can have further treatment. It's just a waiting game now.

BG there's a special type of guilt that I think only teachers have for being off; we all talk about it at work and tell each other off but are unable to shake it. It think it's because you feel so in locus parentis to 30 small beings; the connections to their day to day lives for 6 hours a day is huge and hard to just drop like that.

But you're no good to them half alive. I think you should take longer than a week. And infection is a huge blow to an already stretched body.

I'm expensive and cause him major staffing issues. you are also valuable due to your experience. Could you consider part time? Ppa? Or a semi management role?

@Ikeameatballlunch

I have dropped a day starting this week. So I wasn't working on Friday. We're also in the process of putting our house up for sale. Had a couple of valuations and just need to tweak a few things then it will go up for sale in the New Year.

We have a 4 bedroomed house and 2 bedrooms are no longer used since my eldest son left home. This will mean we are mortgage free and will give more options to choices/work life balance.

Teacher guilt is so bad.

That sounds a good plan. Hope you feel better soon