Anyone else a few years on from cancer treatment and struggling with the what ifs everything something comes up?

[scarangelt]

I had cervical cancer treated 9 years ago. Chemoradiotherapy and plenty of surgeries etc. it wasn't so bad when I was under the team and had regular reviews but even then I was always terrified of every twinge and pain - even though I knew it was likely with the damage caused.

I've had a couple of glory years since discharge where I've felt good and put it to the back of my mind really.

But now I've had abnormal bleeding (bladder) and pain and while I'm being treated for a UTI to begin with, I'll be referred by my GP this week for more tests, 2 week wait referrals etc - it's like it's unearthed all the same feelings from the first time round (where cancer came as a massive shock) and I feel paralysed with fear and anger that every time something comes up, I immediately assume it's the cancer again and it's come back for me.

Am I alone here? Any tips to deal with this?

Bump!

Didn’t want to read and run. I think once you have had cancer it changes you forever as you know how quickly life changes when you get a diagnosis. I am nearly four years on from the end of my treatment, still see someone every six months and tbh at the moment am so anxious as I have had a few of the symptoms I had last time (inflammatory breast cancer so a rather rare and different beast) but my next appointment has been changed to October rather than this month due to my doctor being away so I’m a bit in limbo. I don’t know anyone who has had cancer and doesn’t live in fear of reoccurrence. The best thing for you obviously is to get the tests done and hope for the all clear but in the meantime yes it sucks.

I'm sorry you're going through it too. Those familiar symptoms are horrendous. So many emotions awoken.

You're right, cancer changes you forever. It's like you can never go back to the person you were before even though you're supposed to be 'cured'.

I had my four year mammogram today after breast cancer.
Some people seem to make their whole lives about being a cancer survivor (not suggesting you are OP) but I don't dwell on it, and forget it from one month to the next.
However my health seems determined not to let me relax. So far this year I have been referred twice on 2ww. The first time after vomiting blood and the second after what I thought was a UTI and it led to an ovarian cancer scare. My appointment for that is this week.

So I get it. That familiar feeling where you feel sure you are going to die this time and plan what will happen.

This is exactly it!

I've always been quite like you and not dwell on it but these things just keep coming up and giving me a scare. I'm being referred back to oncology for possible recurrence and I'm so fed up of it all. I've never known fear like it.

I'm two years in, got another 8 years to go, and yes, unexplained twinge, the fear is there.

Generally I cope, I work normally, I raise my son, pay my mortgage but it's always there in the background. I've been lucky so far but even once my 10 years is over, there's always a chance. As a pp said, cancer changes you.