Help, am feeling really freaked out!

[zonedout]

i found a fairly large lump in my breast last week, just below my nipple. went to see my gp who referred me straight to a specialist. have just got home from the specialist having had a needle biopsy wich has left me shaking like a leaf! i have to go back in a week for a scan and to see the consultant again for biopsy and scan results. i am feeling seriously freaked out by all of this... please tell me it will be ok.

i should add that i am 5 weeks pregnant (please no congratulations, it is far too early days and am wanting to keep it very quiet until further along the line)

anyone had similar?

I am sorry that the chemo is making you feel sick Anorak, but as you said the main thing is to get your health back again ASAP.

I am going to see a man about possible reconstruction on Friday. Why are they all men?

I couldn't read all of this and not post..I'm so sorry to hear of your news pigleto, my mum was recently diagnosed, has had surgery and will start chemo next month, like anorak says, as a precaution and to decrease the chances of recurrence(she's 49, so a bit older, but still considered young for breast cancer) Make sure you surround yourself with friends and family for support, and of course keep posting on here.. wishing you all the best, and anorak too

Zonedout, I'm so so pleased your lump is benign. That's great news.

pigleto I remember feeling a fraud too, after all I didn't feel ill, and they were telling me my lump had been developing for at least 8 years - it felt bizarre!

I also used to like my breasts, I thought they were the best bit of me, that was until I found out the left one was trying to kill me! After that I went off the bastard!!

You are quite justified in feeling floored, it's big news, and it will change your life. Have they told you what size your lump is? Did they tell you if you are hormone receptor positive or not? (I didn't know what this meant a few months ago, but it's to do with how well your cancer will respond to chemotherapy, should you need it. Positive is good.)

Your second cousin would be a good person to take with you to appointments, as you don't take everything in and she is on the ball with what you need to know.

I think that is the attitude I need Anorak, I have misty views of my right breast as it was the one both my dcs chose first when breastfeeding and preferred ever after. I need to change my outlook and realise that the bugger is trying to kill me.

I don't know about hormones yet. I want to get hold of my notes so that I can read through them which might make the situation more real to me.

I asked for copies of all my notes. Then you can read through them and find out about anything you don't understand.

I agree it doesn't seem real at first. I remember sitting in my surgeon's office and he answered the phone and said, 'sorry, I can't talk now, I'm with a cancer patient' and the words hit me like a sledgehammer, and I thought, 'I am a cancer patient'. I looked at DH and he looked at me, and I could tell the words had had the same effect on him.

I hate only having one breast. I'll be honest with you I am not enjoying my body right now. But...

Point one - eventually I will have a reconstruction and will have a breast that isn't lethal to me.

Point two - much better to have cancer in an expendable part of your body like a breast than in your brain, heart, lungs, liver, etc, etc...

True. Obviously worse things happen at sea and all but they don't happen to me. I know other mumsnet posters are having a much worse time than I am and that I should think myself lucky that what I have is almost certainly not fatal. But....

Every time I think about having my breast chopped off I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. I keep trying to look on the bright side but I just want to howl. Friends and family have been great, my dad cried, my in laws have offered to pay for everything privately and my husband swears that he will still fancy me even when I have been mutilated.

The breast nurse wanted to show me a prosthetic (top of the range £200) boob and I just wanted to shove the ghastly thing down her throat. She gave me permission to feel however I wanted as it was "OK". Gahhh.

I have been as positive and pragmatic as I can all day but now I am feeling a bit desparate. Sorry.

It is actually nice to hear that you are not OK with your mastectomy anorak as the people I have spoken to post op have been all upbeat and sworn that after the first shock they got used to it and are not that bothered. I don't like to say anything because it would be rude and hurtful but I am thinking "it is going to bother me extremely very much actually".

Sorry. Just having a quick wallow in self pity. Feeling better now after a glass of wine.

No I really do understand how you feel. I also feel mutilated. I hate my bald head too. I just have to keep telling myself it is all temporary and that I am going to live, and that is really the main thing. It does take time to get used to, however, and it is certainly taking time for me, that's the truth. It's a big change to your body, and it's something you learn about very suddenly, I don't think we would be normal if we felt fine about it so quickly.

On the other hand my surgeon was telling me that some women refuse surgery even if it is the only way to save their lives. However bad I feel about the effects of surgery, I wouldn't for a moment ever place that concern above that of survival. Can you imagine? What are these women thinking?

Just wanted to say how much I admire your honesty and strength, ladies, even if you don't feel terrible positive all the time (and who would). I find you inspirational.

Love and best wishes for full fitness and speedy recoveries all round.

xxx

It is true that the idea of cancer makes me feel as though I have maggots under my skin and I am desparate to get rid of it. And I know I will get through this. Whilst I don't think I will be looking back and laughing, I am sure that in five years time I will be a lot calmer about the situation.

I am sorry about your hair anorak. It must be very hard. The media seems to be all about image. I look on the style boards here a lot but in the last week I have realised that I won't be wearing those cute summer dresses as they require some sort of cleavage. I curse trinny and susannah and their insistance on v necks.

hi zonedout,so happy for you that your lump is benigned.It must be due to hormones.Hope you have a healthy pregancy and a great birth.Sorry to hear others sad storys.Makes you relise life can be short or long.just treasure every day and be happy.lots of best wishes to every one.

pigleto have you been told whether or not you can have a reconstruction? In some cases they do it all in the same op, there's a mumsnetter called hellobellosback who had hers done last year. It wasn't possible for me, but I can have one later in the year.

My next-door neighbour had a mastectomy and chemotherapy 27 years ago, and she has told me all about it, which was nice. The way she sees it, she has gained at least 27 more years of life out it, and she doesn't give a hoot about being one boob down.

It's hard to have that perspective from the angle you and I are at currently, but I'm sure it will come with time.

I had a bad day today in that the specialist declared that it was in his opinion it was highly unlightly to be dcis alone but something much more sinister. Fuck. There I was worried about mutilation when really I should have been worried about death.

It's been a week to remember. in a skull way.

I could not read this and not post. I wanted to wish you good luck and your news is so ssad.

I truley hope that everything is going to be OK.

I have the BRACA2 cancer gene and have been to see about a double mastectomy this week and I too was worried about disfigurement. Your post has brought it home to me just how lucky I am to have be given pre warning and not have to experiance the fear you are.

Sorry that I have no positive experiance to pass on just my sympathies and also a friend ear should you need one

So sorry to hear that you have this to deal with pigleto - I hope that it isn't the anything more sinister that your consultant suspects. They're not always right. I'm also having a bit of a health meltdown at the minute as I have been told in the last few days that I may have heart disease and am awaiting further tests, so I'm really worried about that.It feels like I'm in a horrible dream that I can't wake up from.

hey. this is just one of those things. shit happens.

eye it does, but it still does not always make it wasy to deal with

I have started a mutual support thread here for anyone with breast cancer who would like to join in.