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Original poster

Is it standard practise for women whose babies have died to have to WAIT to be induced?

25 replies

PussinJimmyChoos · 02/03/2008 22:26

A friend of ours DC died in the womb on Friday but she is not being induced until tomorrow! I fail to see why they have to wait? Is there any medical reason for it? I'm so and that they couldn't do it as soon as they knew the baby had died and am really feeling for her having to wait like this so trying to find out if its standard practise or?

Also, its a natural birth...surely a c section would be more appropriate in cases like this?

OP posts:

avenanap · 02/03/2008 22:29

They wouldn't do a section as it would affect any future pregnancy. I know it seems mean but sections weaken the uterus and any further pregnancies put strain on the site and could result in a hysterectomy if the uterus ruptures. It's skeleton staff at th weekends and they are probably able to give her more care and attention then they could at the weekend.

Twinklemegan · 02/03/2008 22:30

I believe it's thought that the natural birth helps with the emotional healing process. I can't begin to imagine how horrific this must be.

A friend of mine had to have several late terminations due to severe foetal abnormalities. In all cases she had to go through labour. I don't know how she did it, I really don't.

pooka · 02/03/2008 22:32

A friend of a friend had a c-section under these circs. She really pushed for it - understandably she couldn't bear the idea of an induced labour.
HOwever it is recommended I believe to go the induced route rather than c-section, because of the impacts that c-sections can have upon subsequent fertility/pregnancies and labour.

PeachesMcLean · 02/03/2008 22:36

I'm guessing it's because of limited staff though I'm no expert in that.

However, I do agree that there's a very good psychological argument for c-section on these cases. I lost a twin at 31 weeks and had to carry both until 35 weeks when labour began naturally anyway. It's a horrible horrible situatin and I really feel for your friend. I was very relieved to have a c-section - they allowed it because surviving DS was breach but I got the imperssion they'd have allowed it anyway.

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 02/03/2008 22:36

Ahh, I see....still don't think she should have had to wait all weekend to be induced though - I mean that's just mental cruelty imo....they should have staff on call for these things.....its disgusting to go nearly 72 hours carrying your baby knowing that....

I'm a bit eek reading all the impacts of C sections - I had to have one with DS!!! Not ttc yet but its still scary - uterus rupturing??!!

OP posts:

Habbibu · 02/03/2008 22:37

I had an induced labour a few days after we discovered my daughter had anencephaly. I'm really glad I had a little time to come to terms with what was happening before going in to hospital, and I am glad I gave birth to her "naturally" - her birth was sad and yet oddly peaceful and nice - I think for me it was an important part of coming to terms with her death, and on becoming a mother in such a sad way. It does sound horrific, I know, and I remember watching the episode of ER where a woman delivered a dead child with horror. I saw it again a few months after we lost our baby, and my perspective was completely different.

I'm so sorry for your friend, Puss. It's just heartbreaking.

Lulumama · 02/03/2008 22:39

puss, the risk of rupture is actually small, 0.1 % and not all ruptures are total,, some are just the scar slightly coming apart ( dehisence)

am terribly sorry for your friend. when she is ready SANDS is a good place for support

tibni · 02/03/2008 22:40

Sympathy to your friend.

This happened to a friend of mine and it is a very emotionally difficult time. The staff that attended her were excelent, she had a natural birth but with enhanced pain relief as there was no risk to baby.

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 02/03/2008 22:43

Will pass all this info on...its more that DH is friends with her DH but I'm obviously trying to help as much as I can. Will visit them when they are able to have visitors...but obviously letting them lead it all because the baby they lost is a boy and me turning up with DS in tow may seem insensitive isywim?

Am so at the wait though....she should have been induced asap....she's in bits apparently...

OP posts:

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 02/03/2008 22:44

Ps Thank you all for posting - especially those of you who have personal experience of this and are prepared to share...

OP posts:

Habbibu · 02/03/2008 22:47

To be honest, Puss, she'd probably be in bits anyway - I know I fell to pieces, and I needed to get my head round what had happened before I was ready to say goodbye to my baby - consultant suggested this very gently to us, and he was right, horrible as it sounds. Everyone is very different, however, and maybe for your friend sooner would have been better. You can also join the SANDS forum as a friend, you know - lots of lovely people post there looking for advice on how they can help their friends. Everyone is generally very happy to offer advice.

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 02/03/2008 22:48

Aww, thank you so much for this

OP posts:

Habbibu · 02/03/2008 22:49

Puss - posted this on another thread - it's very popular with SANDS people, and may help you in the days/weeks/months to come.

PeachesMcLean · 02/03/2008 22:53

Habbibu, you may have a point there. During the four weeks I carried Twin 2 after he died, I kept having these notions that what if the doctors had got it wrong and that somehow I was neglecting him now. And then I'd remind myself that if they had got it wrong he was still in the best place. Then I'd work through why they didn't have it wrong. In a weird sort of way, the whole horribleness of those 4 weeks may have helped me get my head around it. I'd never thought of it like that. thank you.

Sugarmagnolia · 03/03/2008 02:37

Puss - I don't know about the labour really but had to pass on my thoughts for you and your friend. A friend of mine lost a baby at 38 weeks and it was truly truly awful. I imagine it feels horrible and shocking for you too. Thinking about it still makes me cry and it was over a year ago now.

SANDS is a good suggestion. She's going to be completely devastated and will take time to come to terms with what happened. All you can do is just be there for her when she's ready. It may be a while before she can even face having other people around. She may want to talk about her lost little DC, and although it may be hard for you to hear, I found it helped my friend so much to allow her DS to be a part of our lives in a way. We've also helped her start our own support/fundraising group which has been a real part of the healing process for her. She's got a long journey ahead of her and she's going to need her friends like never before.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 03/03/2008 06:52

Habbibu is right - my friend described her experience in much the same way after she lost her baby at 39 weeks. However traumatised and utterly lost she might have felt waiting a day or two for the induction, in retrospect she needed that time to adjust and not go through all the hell at once.

Obviously everyone is different and you/DH will know best how to approach things with your friend, but it really helped my friend to keep talking about her lost little girl, to keep her always alive, rther than avoiding the issue, iyswim. You may find it very difficult to find ways of supporting your friend (I often felt guilty actually because I had what she wanted) but it will mean a lot to her, especially when some people will keep away, thinking it is best.

pandagirl03 · 03/03/2008 09:32

My sister lost her baby. She also had to wait until the monday for a induction. They told her they wont carry out c-sections in these circumstances because of the risk's. Hope you and your friend are ok, remember only too well what it was like when my sister lost her little boy

Habbibu · 03/03/2008 14:29

Oh, these situations are so strange and sad. We had a scan in the morning, discovered that P had anencephaly, and couldn't survive. Went home, in pieces, and then both realised we couldn't stand being in the house. It took me ages to admit this to anyone, but we then went out and spent £200 on comedy DVDs as we wanted to laugh - we couldn't deal with the enormity of what had happened, and wanted to push it away, just for a little while. All night I watched Northern Exposure in floods of tears. I wondered at the time how heartless people would think we were, but for us it was absolutely the right thing to do - though it's made me cry to type this.

I think what I'm trying to say is that this is such an enormous and painful thing that any reaction may happen, and they will be right for the people involved. The moral, I suppose, is to accept the feelings you have for what they are - be it anger, desire for isolation, desire for company, even some denial to start off with. I think what is hard is when you try to conform to a "pattern" of grieving/behaving that people think is appropriate.

Puss - am thinking about your friend today. When I held my tiny girl for that short time I had such a rush of joy and love that I can't actually help but smile when I think of it. I hope your friend has that - it really helped me.

expatinscotland · 03/03/2008 14:33

A friend of mine also suffered a stillbirth at 28 weeks and had a natural delivery.

BUT, she had lots of and lots of pain meds because of course, they can no longer affect the baby .

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss, Puss.

cece · 03/03/2008 14:40

My baby died inside me at 18 weeks and I was induced. However, they wanted to do it straight away within an hour of me finding out. But I said no and went home that night and went back the next day. I will always remember the midwife saying to me that I must want to get it out of me . I remember thinking, well actually no I want her to still be inside me and not wanting to be induced so quickly. However they did pressurise me into the next day due to infection.

QueenMeabhOfConnaught · 03/03/2008 14:41

This happened to my SIL - it was terrible at the time. Your poor friend, it is so hard.

Habbibu, your post was really moving.

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 04/03/2008 11:41

Thanks for taking the time to post. The baby was born yesterday and will be buried today. Can't go to the funeral as DH working etc but am thinking of them and at least its a sunny day so I like to think the little one is smiling down on them

Thank you all for posting and will pass on the SANDS info via DH when they are more ready to talk/have visitors etc which understandably, they aren't up to atm

OP posts:

Habbibu · 04/03/2008 19:43

Puss, something you might find useful to know/pass on to her DH - the post birth hormone thing happens just as brutally after a stillbirth as it can after a live birth, and it can feel like the most awful setback. A few days after P's birth I'd felt like I was more in one piece, when the hormones kicked in and I crashed - couldn't stop crying, couldn't understand why, and thought I would never feel better. My midwife counsellor helped me understand this, but I've been in touch with lots of people on SANDS who had no idea why this sudden crash was happening, and felt devastated all over again. I think it's worth knowing, and just in case her DH needs the support, thought I'd pass it on. Thinking of you all.

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 05/03/2008 13:42

Thanks for that - DH rang the DH yest but went straight to answer machine - understandably really. So, he will probably try again.

A total change of topic here - where did you get your nick from? Its just that DH is Arabic and Habbibu sounds a lot like the habbibi (my love) that I call him (usually when I want something! lol) and just wondered if you were Arabic at all?

OP posts:

Habbibu · 05/03/2008 14:02

No, I've been asked that before, and it is a lovely coincidence. It's just a representation of an early babble by dd, that we liked, and used as a nickname for her, etc. It was someone on here that pointed out the Arabic similarity, and I was delighted, as it's very appropriate for my lovely girl.

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