Cancer information

[Airworld]

Is anyone able to tell me if it’s possible to get some information from a charity etc about a diagnosis my DM has been given? I know they can’t give bespoke info but all the info is have to go on is as follows.

My DM (76) and I have been NC for quite a few years but she has written to me saying she has cancer in one leg, groin and one lung. It was found after she was supposed to have a hip replacement after three falls.

She says she has had chemo and radiation and been given 7-10 years to live. Has moved in with her long-term partner of 30 years as she has been told she can’t live alone anymore and has medication to take. She said she is not in any pain.

I am torn up inside on what to think. She’s my DM but she was also hideous to me the last time I saw her (tip of the iceberg). I can’t just go and visit as she lives in another country (long-haul distance).

I’m confused as to what cancer in three places means - leg, groin and lung. Could they be connected or are they separate and co-incidental? She says 7-10 years to live but I wonder if she meant months, as at 76 years old that seems a lot of years to suggest or maybe the cancers have been caught early.

Please don’t think I’m being heartless asking these questions. I can’t ask DM these right now. I have had a lot of counselling about our relationship and it’s very complicated and has had a huge negative impact on me.

Is there are local cancer support centre where you are? People tend to have heard of Maggies, but there are many others not part of that group. Your local hospital might have resources too (big hospital near us has a MacMillan centre on site). They can help those around the person with cancer, not just the person themself. And can signpost further services.

From what you say it's not really possible to tell what the primary site of the cancer was. That there has been cancer found in the lung as well is suggestive of spread, but it might not mean that at all.

If you can find out her primary diagnosis (or diagnoses, if she has two separate primaries) then you can get on to the relevant charities.

Do be aware that when she says leg/groin she might mean vulval cancer and not really want to discuss in detail.

Does she have a specialist cancer nurse? If so, perhaps she could give the nurse authorisation to talk to you about her prognosis - but perhaps you don't want to get that closely involved right now

It will be one cancer which has metastasised to other places eg primary lung cancer spread to leg and groin or perhaps a bone cancer which has spread. There's not really any way of finding out what's going on without talking to her doctor, unfortunately. It seems rather unlikely they would tell her she has 7-10 years to live.

My cancer team writes to my GP every time I am seen and I get copies of the letters but that's in UK. Would she voluntarily let you see copies of her letters if you told her you wanted to understand more?