How much is excessive?

[ListersSister]

My DH is 6ft 3. He is currently 20 stone, and realistically is about 3 1/2 stone overweight. He has a very big build (used to be a rower), and was not fat at all when he was 16 stone.
ANYWAY, he is fairly fit, but doesn't lose weight simply because he eats too much. He has huge portions (6/8 slices of toast for breakfast etc, twice a 'normal' portion of dinner), eats when bored, when feeling down etc etc.
He reckons he needs to eat twice what 'normal' size people do because he is such a big build. Obviously he will not lose weight this way, but he has conditioned himself that unless he has big quantities he will 'be'hungry.
How can I convince him otherwise and get him to convince himself that 8 slices of toast is jusy greedy not essential? (I am working towards seeing if he will consider CBT - could he get a referral on the NHS for that?) He is both very sensitive (ie touchy!) about this at the same time as knowing (on an intellectual level) that he needs to sort it. TIA.

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I wish I knew Listerssister - my DH is similar and will not diet. I have tried telling him but "he knows best" apparently

I did buy that book by the hypnotist chap McKenna but it is still in the bedside drawer where he put it when I gave it to him.

I will be looking out for ideas too!

Does he go to the gym?
Maybe exercise is the way to go?
Would he invest in a personal trainer?
It is very hard to get someone to lose weight, they need to want to di it themselves, but you can cook as healthily as possible, try and get him to join in with your health kick and maybe stop buying so much bread so he runs out!!
Or get that slimline bread - think Hovis do it, it's the one in the advert where the man's trousers keep falling down because he's eating low fat bread

Unfortunately, as a tall, large buit and fairly active man, he does need bigger portions than average. But he DOESN'T need more fat, or much more protien - I suspect the problem with the toast is the butter, rather than the toast itself.

A very large dinner is fine - lots of veg and potato and for his build I would say no more than 6 - 8 oz of lean meat.

in a bbc prog recently they told an overweight woman if she carried on with her full fat lattes for another year or so she'd weigh another couple of stone heavier - it all adds up

Ta ladies. We have to have bread and cheese in the house for the dc's, so temptation is always there. I agree he may need to eat more than me, but twice as much .
I have tried buying in lower fat stuff - he grumbles and goes and buys normal stuff instead.
The thing is, he knows it on one level, but on another, he can't help feeling like he needs to eat all this stuff...

Ha. Ha ha ha.

Recognised myself in your DP. My nickname is very out of date.

I've always been broad-shouldered and powerful, and enjoyed endurance sports - marathons, triathlons, long-distance cycling. I was VERY fit, and needed to eat about 5000cal per day to feed my training.

Then life changed, but my eating didn't. I put on 2kg a year for the last five years, and 6 inches around my waist. I knew I was getting heavier, but could still cycle to work 20 miles a day, go dancing, walk for hours.

Buying new trousers in january forced me to confront the weight gain. 40'' waist, up from 34'' 6 years ago. 98kg, up from 88 6 years ago. Nightmare. I bought the GI diet book, a weighing scales, a tape measure, and started watching what I eat. I also asked DW to take photos of me with date, weight and girth.

I'm down to 92kg and 38'' now, and feel much better, both in myself and about myself. I'd like to lose another 4kg.

All of which is a roundabout way of saying that your DP will do something about it when he can no longer deny to himself that it's happening. Perhaps you can help that to come about by putting some "before" and "after" photos together, or digging out a pair of his old trousers, or something. The trouble is that this is confrontational and may entrench his position more.

Has Steve Redgrave or anyone done anything on weight loss for rowers? Or the Oxbridge boys? I know that they go through a long process of "de-training" after they stop rowing, to ensure the muscle doesn't turn to fat and that they eat properly. Sometimes a message is more easily received if it doesn't come from a loved one.

I hope you get it sorted.

My ex-h was similar. In his case he seemed to equate having a "manly" appetite with being a "proper man". On one level he knew he was rather overweight (by 3-4 stone); on another level it was part of his identity.

He used to ask me to help, so I would (at his request) for example make him a health lunch to take to work. Then he would sabotage himself by going to the canteen every day, for breakfast and lunch and eating chips etc.

It used to be a matter of pride that he would have "fat coke" rather than diet coke; it was such an ingrained habit. Sorry, no practical use to you I know, but I think I understand your viewpoint.

how much exercise does he do? my dh is also 6'3 and used to be a rower but weighs 12 stone .. he cycles loads (and swims too) partly because he enjoys it, but also because it means he can eat as much as he wants! He'd always been v active before we had kids, then activity levels lessened and he'd started gradually to put on weight, but not enough to push him into doing something about it. Then 3 years ago he started commuting to work by bike and that was the key - doing more exercise gave him more energy and enabled him to do more as well as losing weight and keeping it off

Ta again - triathlete and lollipop what you say rings lots of bells...

Mimsmum - dh does sport about twice a week but is otherwise pretty sedentary. I suspect that if he lost weight, he wouldn't need to do much more to stay that way, but it isn't enough to help him lose any weight. He could never be 12 stone though, he is genuinely one of those 'big' people that everyone notices and never forgets! I reckon 16 1/2 would be just right.
He just needs to stop stuffing and reaching for food whenever the opportunity arises, and stop this belief that he is twice me weight so needs to eat twice as much.