i need to rant, is this acceptable behaviour from a doctor?

[loopylou6]

right following on from my previous thread about my husband asking for a vasectomy, we got an appointment for both of us today to discuss it with the doctor he agreed to refer him and i asked if our ages would cause a problem (i am 25 dh is 26) he said he couldnt see there being a problem as we both appeared sure that we wanted this, so all well and good, Dh then had an appointment with a female docotr over a different matter which she is dealing with and i went in with him, immediatley she says' oh i see doctor x has referred u for a vasectomy u could of came and seen me u know, u dont need 2 doctors' then she went on to say 'i think u are far to young and i wouldnt of referred u and i think it will be very difficult for u to be accepted for the op' THEN she starts lecturing me on contraception and asking why dont i carry on with the pillbecause if me and our kids died () that wouldnt leave dh in a very good position, i told her i dont want to keep putting chemicals into my body and we are both very sure we do not want more children whatever the circumstances, then she proceeds to rummage round in her draw and starts shoving a coil under my nose (a non chemical one) and lecturing me on how it works,and reminding me that my very bad pmt willbe back when i dont have the pill (dh very helpfully said 'yes shes a cow when shes on' to which she replied well u best not have the snip then coz with her pmt u might end up divorced' by this time my jaw is on the floor, i really think that woman has issues she had us in there for 30 mins would u believe and poor dh doidnt get much time to discuss the problem he went to see her about. Anyway rant over, but i am worried that she might stick her oar in and prevent our referral from going ahead, what do u think?

I think her attitude stinks TBH, not suprised you were pissed off.
If 1st GP is willing to refer you then I don't see how she can prevent that happening

She was not being at all professional. If the other doctor has already referred you it is not her business to bring this up at an appointment for a completely different issue.

Is she more senior than the GP you saw? I can't think of any reason she would be able to overrule your referral.

thanks pedilia, i ams till pissed off now and that happened 3 hours ago

I think you should ensure you never have another appointment with her, for starters. I would have walked out! She was being very unprofessional.

You could always write to the doctor you saw in the first place and say you did not appreciate what this woman did, that it was unprofessional of her to hijack your appointment with a matter that had already been dealt with and that she was out of order to undermine him like that. He'll be pissed off by that idea!

I don't think she can prevent it.

Be prepared for the doc doing the op to go through it all again though. DH had one when we were both 34 without problem - (so both young enough to die/get divorced/have more) he based the decision on our none age circumstances.

im not sure if she has poor power at the practice but she is a bigwig, shes also a surgeon and works for bupa, and also does something with child protection and is a pediatricion, i hope she cant over rule, the other doc had no problem what so ever and was happy to refer us after he had spoken to us both

actually, i think the doctor ahs a really good point... and she is right to point out all the options and the pitfalls of it....

i think that at 25 and 26 it is far too young to make such life changing and possibly irreversible decisions

if her way of conveying this was rude, then taht is a seperate issue

but DH and i are early 30s and have agreed no sterilisation, just in case something should happen to eitehr one of us and we meet somoene else and want to have more children. or we decide to have more if circumstances change

hecate i might consider that, thanks yurt, i knew to expect questions like that, but not to the extent it happened, i even expected the death questions, but i didnt like the way she was practically trying to bully me into having the coil, i felt she overstepped the mark

LLM we have both been over these scenarios carefully and are both sure that no matter what the situation we would not want more kids, whter something happens to us or we split or whatever, we are not unreasonable, we know the fors and againsts and have considered carefully

I think the fact that she also works for BUPA may be a clue as to her reaction.

Afaik, a vasectomy would not be considered essential in your case so you may have to consider going private anyway.

(I think (??) we spoke about this recently and I gave you the example of my friend who is a nurse)

hiya mercy, yes it was me what do u mean she wants us to go private and pay for it through bupa or the like? im just annoyted because the first doctor didnt seem to think there was a problem

fair enough loopy

but for me, the what if scenario is too great a risk to take...

but i think she was right to emphasise the pros and cons

hope you get sorted !

thanks LLM

thanks foryour input HCTSB {luv the name } im sure she did have our best interests at heart, i just felt bullied and annoyed that we where having to go through a second grilling immediately after the first (appointments where minutes apart) and also found some of the comments hurtful, but hey ho, thats life isnt it

DH will be having one at the age of 31 after we have this third one.

It sounds as though she handled it really insensitively, but I think she was right. I know that you are both adults, and I am sure that you have thought it all through, but you are way, way too young to make this essentially irreversible decision. I expect that, in her position, she knows of many people whose lives have been ruined by choosing sterilisation and then desperately wishing, for whatever reason, to go on and have another child.

i agree she was trying to put accross a good point in a bad way.my dh went to the doctor about a vasectomy when i was pregnant with dd3.he is 24.the doctor said fine,and reffered him.anyway,to cut a long story short dh had actually been hoping the gp would refuse to refer him as he had only said he would have the snip to convince me he wasnt going to leave me(?).

doesnt the doctor just refer you,and ultimatley its up to the consultant/surgeon whatever whether they will do it?my gp reffered me for sterilisation but the consultant refused(for medical reasons).

i like my coil

hi divastrop, very interesting about your dh (bless him) out of curiousity after the doc referred him, was the surgeon happy to go ahead with the procedure?
Yep tis true that the surgeon will have the final say regardless of the referral.

he never actually saw the surgeon in the end as he confessed to me before the appointment and cancelled it.

lolol thats men for ya aint it