I have terrible flu and everything is going to pieces - poor DS, how can I help him?

[snowleopard]

Just had a difficult week when DP was away for work and DS was poorly and off nursery - I had work deadlines but could hardly do any, DS was up all night so I got exhausted.

As soon as DP got back I came down with truly evil flu - the works - vomiting, fever, shakes, bunged up etc - have had it for 4 days now and only just better enough to move around. Poor DP is badly jetlagged and has had to do everything.

But the worst thing is DS seems to lose it completely when I'm ill. I'm very much his primary carer, though DP is a great dad he works long hours; we have no rellies nearby and he's an only child, we're very close. When I'm ill he just can't handle it, he seems so insecure and his behaviour is just unmanageable. We are trying so hard to be firm and loving and consistent for him but we're both in such a state and because it's not the norm - he's quite amenable normally - I'm not used to it.

Things like total physical meltdown, screaming, kicking and thrashing about when we need him to get dressed. This morning - to get him to nursery - we had to physically hold him to get him dressed, there was no other way. He kicked so hard he gouged a nasty scratch in his foot with the toenail of his other foot. I feel so, so awful about forcing him but what can I do? He is 2.8, big and strong and we had to grab his several times just to stop him whacking his head on something.

He's getting as much affection and attention as we can possibly manage but I'm pretty much bedridden. I hate this so much - I love being active and busy, I just want to look after him and make everything normal for him. Have been in floods of tears this morning.

He's just unsettled cos you're ill, and reacting in the only way he knows how. I know this is stating the obvious but that's the bottom line. You need to stick to your normal rules and routine as much as possible. But go easy on yourselves too ... at DD's nursery there used to be a little boy that semi-regularly used to turn up in pyjamas with his clothes handed to one of the staff!! Depends on the kind of nursery ... this is day-care, not pre-school.

Try to still have some special time with him ... stories in bed with you, maybe have tea/snack in bed with you, bath together etc. You'll be back on your feet soon and he'll be back to normal.

Thanks wishingchair, I'm so wobbly I'm in tears again at the thought of the pyjama boy! Our nursery staff are lovely and would do that too if need be.

I need to bear in mind we'll get back to normal - after a week of DS ill, then me ill I can't imagine it.

I had flu last year too and I was ill for 2 weeks

Pyjama boy was absolutely fine, just not keen on getting dressed! My DD went to nursery dressed as a cat today ... whatever gets you through that first part of the day I say!

Hope you feel better soon

At the moment, top priority has got to be looking after yourself. His behaviour is perfectly normal, just manage as best you can. It won't leave any permanent scars if his needs have to take the back seat for a week or so. Yes, he will be cross and difficult, but it will pass.

We all do the best we can, but sometimes we have to accept that we can't make life normal for our children every single moment of their lives. I had pleurisy when my ds was the same age. I've made it up to him since You just look after yourself, hun.